Stress is the New Black

Changes

2012-01-22T21:05:00.002-05:00

The time has come to make a change; not one that I expected at this point in our lives but one that we now feel is necessary.

We are having Marc's mother move into our home.

Marc's dad passed away over two years ago and it was a huge blow to my mother in law, who had only known life in their home or the one that she grew up in. She had never been alone and the last few years she had become my father in law's full time caregiver. He had advanced diabetes that ate away at his body until his demise.

I knew that losing him would be huge...where would her purpose in life come from? She had no social, creative or work outlets at all. Al was her only purpose!

Over the course of the following year or so, she had some additional setbacks and then the final blow...the loss of her baby brother Howard. Howard was the her touchstone and the person that she had continual contact with every day of her life. After his sudden passing, we began to see her slip further into sadness and depression. We asked her to sell her home and move closer but she would not agree. We felt so powerless. She lives about an hour north of us and with both of us working and with all of our other responsibilities, it became very problematic to get to her as much as she needed. To further complicate matters, she does not drive at all.

We would bring her to us for a few days at a time to visit and she always seemed to perk up around the DD but once back in her own surroundings she backslid again.

Finally, a few months ago, she agreed to place her villa up for sale!! We were thrilled and I began the process of trying to market it for a quick sale in a down market. A couple of months and a few offers later, the right offer came in and she signed. We immediately set about the task of finding her a condo close to our home and we were successful almost immediately! We found a beautiful apartment in a condominium with lots of amenities and transportation to doctors and shopping. Since we would only be 3 miles away, we could run back and forth to visit and help much more. A offer was made and after some negotiation I was able to get the contract executed. All seemed rosy for awhile but then....well, not so much!

Over the course of the next few weeks and as we prepared for the move, I began to see signs of her depression worsening and the loss of weight on her already extremely petite frame was shocking. The final straw came when we went up to see her about a week ago. There was no way to deny it...this move was too much for her to handle.

That evening I approached Marc and explored the idea of having her move in with us. I think he was relieved that I came to him with the idea. I don't think that he wanted to rock my world any more than it has been rocked lately and so he had tried to avoid this decision. There was no way that either of us could deny the fact that she would need to move in with us. We agreed that it would be the best for her and that it was the only way that we would see her make a come back from all of this loss.

We approached her with this idea and she very thankfully and wholeheartedly agreed. We discussed some of the logistics, including where she would stay (the kids Playroom) and some of the parameters of this new living arrangement. She perked up immediately.

Today, we went up to see her. We need to finalize everything and do some errands for her. We made the decision a final one and have decided to cancel the purchase which was contingent on her sale. Thankfully, the sale has been delayed for a bit due to some other issues so this is still possible.

I am a bit nervous about this huge life change for our family. The DD are besides themselves with happiness. They would much rather have a grandparent living with them then to have a playroom. They are happily making plans for the big day when she moves in.

I am happy that we can offer her a new lease on life but am am quite honestly a little rocked about the loss of privacy and another voice in my home. My mother in law is not prone to interfering but no matter what, there will be adjustments; on all of our parts.

I know in my heart that we are doing the right thing and that everything else will fall into place. There is a quote that I remember hearing some time back and it really fits here:

"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there."

I know that I cannot live my life any other way.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

2012-01-02T22:39:00.001-05:00

This is the question that I ask myself every time I see a family that looks similar to ours (Caucasian parents with an Asian child) and I want to reach out to that family. Should I discreetly inquire about their child or not? I would never approach a parent in front of a child who was old enough to understand me but if they are away from the child or the child is a baby, I usually try to provoke some conversation. I have a couple of motives for making the connection. The first one is that I am the founder of the local FCC chapter in South Florida and I like to share the fact that we have this amazing support system in place, in case they may be interested. The second motive is purely selfish. I just want to reach out to another family that was formed in a similar fashion to mine...period.

Marc and I always joke that there should be a secret hand sign that us China adoptive mamas can use...a secret sign that only we know, so we can make a connection if both parties are willing! I know...seems a bit weird but quite honestly, it would have helped today so that I could have avoided making a total ass out of myself with a CAM (China Adopt Mama). This CAM was nearby as Marc and I were having a child free day at the beach. She was by the ocean with her daughter when Marc saw her and joked to me once again, we needed a signal. I watched her and her adorable daughter and wondered if she was from South Florida or was a tourist. They played for a few minutes and then the mom left her daughter's side and walked towards me....it was my chance!!

As she strolled by where we were sitting and was not in ear shot of her daughter, I said hello to her and asked her if her daughter was from China. She nodded yes and then I told her that we have two children who were born in China. She then averted her eyes from mine, turned and quickly walked away from me. For whatever her reasons were, she was not at all interested in discussing the common denominator between us.

Personally, I just don't get it because I am super open and would never handle it the way that she did. My kids have known that they were from China long before they could even understand the meaning of the words and they are very comfortable with that fact. I am not sure if she is not discussing this very obvious fact with her daughter yet, even though she seemed to be about the same age as my kiddos, or she just did not like the fact that a stranger approached her about her family.

I totally respect whatever the reasons were. We are all different and I respect those differences but sheesh...talk about AWKWARD.....I totally needed that secret signal today!!

Anyone up for making up a CAM signal?

Happy 2012 and No Resolutions For Me!

2012-01-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

I am not sure what it is about resolutions and why so many of us have such a hard time keeping them. I like to think I have staying power but my beginning of the year resolve weakens over time, I let it slide and then I have once again set myself up for disappointment...publicly!

I have been thinking about this subject quite a bit as we passed from 11 into 12. The bottom line for me seems to be that I do much better when I am quiet about what I am about to accomplish. I have reached quite a few of what seemed to be almost insurmountable goals in the past, by quietly and steadfastly moving forward until they were attained.

I do have goals for myself again this year and I am going to leave it at that...they are goals and they are mine; mine to quietly and steadfastly accomplish and there will be no public proclamations about them.

I will let you know how I did at the end of the year.

PS: My wish for you all this new year; May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!

Happy and successful 2012!

Nothing!

2011-11-18T22:28:00.001-05:00

I am loving that word tonight becasue it is more than a word...

It is a state of being!

We had absolutely, positively nothing planned tonight....

and I could not have been any happier.

The kids are asleep after a night of fun at home and our home is blissfully still.

I am going to go chill with Marc, who just got home from a gig and take full advantage!

Nighty night!

Sister Love!

2011-11-17T22:21:00.000-05:00

My sister gifted me with something that I have been desiring for a couple of years. She totally shocked me and sent me her first Ipad! I am one happy chick, as you can see on this snapshot that Marc took just after I opened that bad boy!

I am such a technophile...it is ridiculous. The way to my heart is gauged through gigs and the www.

Thank you missy lil' sissy. You are an awesome sister; not because you gave me an Ipad but because you want what makes me happy just as I want the same for you.

Sisterhood is a gift beyond measure!

Soccer Season

2011-11-16T22:11:00.000-05:00

We signed up the DD for Soccer and the practices have begun! Sounds benign enough....right? Not so much!

Being virtual twins makes this a bit tricky! One boy and one girl, the same age, makes for an quite interesting schedule to say the least. For the next 3 months we will be running to two separate practices, three times a week and then we will have a few games on the schedule that will conflict on days that Marc will be working.

Yup....interesting to say the least....stay tuned!

The Katie Starr Team

2011-11-15T21:57:00.001-05:00

Katie's first grade teacher and the Dynamic Duo. She is the best!!!

What a great event. We are so proud of what we were able to accomplish with the help of the best family and friends in the world! The Katie Starr Team will top $10,000.00 when the tally is done. I just sent the Foundation Fighting Blindness a new batch of checks that were given to me. We have until June to finalize this fiscal year so we will continue to add to our total so that the research for the treatments and a possible cure for Hereditary Retinal Blindness can go on! We will not stop until that happens!

Update

2011-11-14T23:08:00.001-05:00

I am really tired tonight...really too tired to post much but since I have made a commitment...well, here I go!

Ethan came through his dental procedure with flying colors. Of course her did...that is just the way our precious boy rolls. It did not even matter that the procedure ended with an unexpected root canal and crown. He took it like a champ and not even one complaint.

Like I posted about yesterday, food was on his mind from the moment that he woke up.

Marc took care of that with a big thick chocolate shake.

That made our patient one very content patient.

He was even more content when his sister came home from school and he could tell her all of the stories of the past few days. I so love the Dynamic Duo.

Goodnight all!

The hurt runs deep

2011-11-13T19:50:00.001-05:00

Ethan has a persistent obsession with food. He thinks about it, plans what he wants to eat; sometimes several meals ahead and basically wants to discuss it....a lot! This is his thing and some days are better than others. We understand that it is very much based in the reality of his horrific beginnings. When you adopt a child who is 2.4 years old and he is completely malnourished, weighing in at a whopping 17 lbs., well, you can just guess that there was and probably always will be...a significant issue. Ethan never had any real food, other than formula until we adopted him and because of that fact, he was orally defensive and suffered from oral aversion. There was lots of therapy to get him over that hump.

Four years later, he still has food weirdness so we let him do what he needs to do, to assure himself that food is always available. When he is really in an overly fixated state, we verbally reassure him of that fact.

He has seemed to ease up a bit about the food lately, not a huge amount but in baby steps.

Today, I saw just how far there still is to go...

Ethan has to go to the dentist tomorrow to have another round of dental surgery. All that bottle drinking and poor care has done a real number on his teeth and so we are in round two of several procedures. We were discussing it with him tonight over dinner. I was explaining what would happen and then I told him that he would not be able to eat or drink in the morning before he went to the dentist.

As soon as I said it, I wished that I had not!

I saw the first sign of primal fear in his eyes and I knew what was coming. So, I did what any mother who does not want to see their child hurting would do - I began qualifying my previous statement and tried to drive the point home that he would just have a DELAYED breakfast. He was not missing anything and that he could have anything he wanted when he woke up....I even threw in the option that he could have his fav...chocolate ice cream.

But it was too late....the big sad flood gates opened. Not a spoiled, whiny, "I want to get my way" kind of crying...but deep, sad, "I am terrified when food is withheld from me" tears coming from his huge round eyes and down his cheeks kind of crying.

I felt devastated and so did Marc. We calmly assured him that he NEVER has to worry and that he could eat as much as he wanted as soon as he felt up to it. Katie also jumped in and reassured him...she was so sad for him. He asked a few more feeble questions about the whens, wheres and whys and finally he seemed to calm down after what seemed like an eternity.

I am quite sure that when we left him to go to sleep tonight, he was still thinking about missing that meal....no fear surrounding the pain of a dental procedure....just fear about missing a meal.

and I am left once again feeling helpless and sickened at the thought of that.

What a beautiful day!

2011-11-12T22:37:00.001-05:00

Today was the day that we had been anticipating for quite some time. I fund raise for the Foundation Fighting Blindness all year round but the Vision Walk is a marker from year to year of how far we have to go.

We awoke to a truly brilliant day. The weather was sunny and the temperature was a bit chilly when we woke up but warmed up in no time and made it just about perfect. We quickly prepared the children and gathered our supplies, made a food run and high tailed it to the park. Once there, Marc set up a table with all of the T-Shirts for The Katie Starr Team and we began to greet our team members. Family and friends started drifting in and before we knew it we were overwhelmed once again by the number of people who came to support our mission. We gave out 85 T-Shirts to our team members!!

It was then time to get up on stage and thank everyone for coming as well as all of the sponsors. I spoke a little about why I have thrown my support behind the FFB and then we had a pep rally of sorts. We ended the formalities and quickly took pictures. My dear friend Grace was the official Vision Walk Photographer and she was just amazing. I cannot wait to see all of the wonderful shots that she took!!

The corporate people took me up to the front so that our family could cut the ribbon and begin the walk....and then we were off!!

Katie Starr, Ethan and their friends took the lead on their razor scooters and the rest of us happily took up the rear by foot. As I walked, I jockeyed between several groups of people. It was so nice to be able to talk to so many who came out as we followed the path. I was so touched by the people who happily walked to help the cause and our precious girl. I even got some fun walk time in with my big guy Justin and my daughter in law Judy. It was wonderful!

Once we were done and our thank you's were spoken, several of us stayed around and picnicked in the park.

There were other happy surprises as well today. Marc's cousins from New Jersey were in town and they came with a dear mutual friend and walked with us; which was totally unexpected. Also, our dear friends, Ken and JoAnn from Chicago were also in town and totally shocked us by coming and walking with us.

Of course, the real reason that we do this is to raise awareness and money. The Katie Starr Team was the #1 Team in South Florida and when the final count is done next week we should top $10,000.00!! I am so thankful for all that came out in support of us again this year. We were missing some friends from last year as this seemed to be a busy weekend for many but we know that many of those friends will be out again, walking by our side, if they are able to next year.

Raising funds for research is a year round business and although this one day has passed, our mission has not. The fiscal year does not end until June of 2012 for this walk season, so my work is not complete.

The link is available and I will post it from time to time.

There is no way I will rest until they can find the answers and develop treatments or even a cure for hereditary blindness. Our daughter's sight and ten million other's depend on that!

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

P.S. I hope to have some pictures posted very soon!

2011-11-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

Alone we can do so little;

together we can do so much.

~ Helen Keller

Tomorrow is the day!

Last minute info about the walk

2011-11-10T21:57:00.001-05:00

Just a last minute reminder that we are just two days away from the 2011 South Florida Vision Walk. I thank all of you in advance for any and all participation that you are offering to The Katie Starr Team. You assistance in this will be funding the research that will one day end hereditary retinal blinding disorders and allow people to live a life with their vision intact. Our 6 year old daughter, Katie Starr, suffers from a disorder called Cone-Rod Dystrophy and faces a life in the dark unless a cure is found.

Just some last minute items to remember. The park we are walking in is at Sunrise Boulevard and the Intracoastal. It is a State Park and they are not waiving their entrance fee this year which thankfully is only $1.00.

There will be breakfast items such as bagels, breakfast bars and fruit. Coffee and Hot Chocolate will also be available. For lunch after the walk there will be pizza available. Feel free to bring your own lunch if Pizza isn’t your bag as well as a chair or blanket to picnic on. The day is shaping up to be a nice one and many of us will be picnicking after the walk.

The walk is mostly symbolic. You can walk all, part or none at all. The idea is to come out, raise awareness and raise the money for research. Please secure any and all donations that you can and bring them to registration. Please ask friends and family if they help with just a few dollars. It all makes a difference! Please make sure that you are registered under “The Katie Starr Team.” We are the number one team in South Florida and we are going to fully represent the day of the walk! I have Team T-Shirts for the first 100 adults and 25 children that come out that day. You can also pick up a Foundation T-Shirt at the walk for your collection! ;-)

There will be a bounce house and inflatable slide for the kids as well as cotton candy, snow cones, and a face painter. It will be a fun and rewarding day for all!

Here is the info: Please come and walk but even if you can't please help us with a donation by Clicking on
www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr and by spreading the word. Thank you so much!

Date: Saturday, November 12, 2011
Location: Hugh Taylor Birch State Park
3109 East Sunrise Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33304
Registration: 9:00 am
Walk Start: 10:00 a.m.
Walk Chairs: Lori and Marc Weinstock
Support our team and help bring us closer to a cure because a Cure is in Sight!

Why should I get involved?

2011-11-09T21:32:00.003-05:00

I am sure that the title of this post is the question that many people ask themselves when I post about the Foundation Fighting Blindness and their quest to fund preventions, treatments or even a cure for devastating hereditary blinding diseases. Heck, before this happened to our family, I would have asked the same question. Now it is all very clear to me.

Let me clarify a few things by sharing a few facts with you:

The urgent mission of The Foundation Fighting Blindness, Inc. is to drive the research that will provide preventions, treatments and cures for people affected by retinitis pigmentosa (RP), macular degeneration, Usher Syndrome, and the entire spectrum of retinal degenerative diseases.

• More than 10 million Americans of every age and race suffer vision loss from these blinding diseases.

• The Foundation has funded thousands of research studies at hundreds of prominent institutions worldwide. Currently, the Foundation funds 138 grants at 76 institutions.

• The Foundation funds leading-edge research in promising areas such as genetics, gene therapy, retinal cell transplantation, and pharmaceutical and nutritional therapies.

• Since its inception in 1971, the Foundation has raised more than $425 million.

• RP and Usher syndrome are inherited diseases commonly diagnosed during childhood or young adulthood. RP causes severe vision loss leading to legal and/or complete blindness. Children with Usher syndrome are born with varying degrees of deafness and later develop RP.

• Leading retinal research scientists praise the advances enabled by The Foundation.

• Age-related macular degeneration has inherited risks and is characterized by a progressive loss of central vision. AMD is the leading cause of blindness in adults over age 55 in the U.S. and other developed countries.

That last one is the real kicker. Macular Degeneration is a blinding eye disease that will show up in many of your families as they age. No family is exempt from these horrible diseases. It just so happens that it has touched our young daughter now and yes, while that is tragic - it is also tragic to lose sight at any age. We are truly all fighting the same battle.

Please think about the many people that will be effected by these diseases if nothing is done to change the future.

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~Helen Keller

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Another Installment of: Out of the Mouths of Babes!

2011-11-08T20:14:00.004-05:00

Last evening Katie was walking past the TV and saw a report on the news about gay marriage. She blurted out, "Hey, that's crazy...that one dude is marrying that other dude!' "How are they going to have babies?"

Beyond the huge issues at hand with these statements, all we could do was to try our best to stifle our laughter, since what hit our funny bone was the use of the word "Dude!" I did not even know she had ever heard that retro word!

Once I collected myself from the hilarity of it all, I responded by telling her that the purpose of marriage was not necessarily to make babies. Since her knowledge on this subject is sketchy at best, I went right on to the second item on the agenda, which was gay love and marriage. I explained that most of the time women and men fall in love and that sometimes, men fall in love with men and that women fall in love with women. I said that love is love and that all love is OK.

I did not get into it any deeper than that... she is 6 and that was quite enough! I wasn't even going near adoption and gay marriage. That is for another day and time in the future!

All I gotta say is Wow dude...that Katie Starr is too much!

Oh and one more thing..now I can't stop calling everyone in the house...Dude!

I am shameless when it comes to something this important!

2011-11-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

Whenever I post about the Vision Walk on my blog, it gets so quiet that I can practically here the birds chirping! If you think that I go on too much here then you should see my on Facebook. I am relentless!

The bottom line is that it is my mission in life to raise awareness and money for the Foundation Fighting Blindness so that there will be advances in the science that will save my daughter's vision. I am one minded towards this end...I am forward...I am brazen...and yes, I am shameless! You would be too, if your child had such a diagnosis.

I do not want my daughter to have to face a life of navigating in the dark. I don't want her to have it that much tougher than everyone else. If I can do anything to stop it from happening then I will.

Please help me with this. If you have been a long time reader of my blog or are someone new, I ask that you donate any little bit that you can on behalf of the this precious little girl and the over 10 million people who are also in the same boat! $1, $5, $10 or anything at all will help our cause. Even the change in your pocket will make a difference.

"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much."

~ Helen Keller

Once again, to learn more about our Vision Walk and our goal please link to:

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Still Waters Run Deep

2011-11-06T20:04:00.001-05:00

While cleaning Katie's desk of her hundreds of masterpieces, in order to make way for all of the masterpieces to come, this is one of the more interesting pieces that I found.

I did not know whether to laugh or cry. My little girl seems to be a bit fascinated with the Bieber! I am still digesting this newest find and contemplating the future. Can't we just freeze time and keep my baby innocent forever? I already know the answer to that but I still hear that refrain in my head over and over when stuff like this pops up. The crazy thing is that I really shelter the kids quite a bit to preserve their innocence and they have no older siblings in the home to influence them. I cannot even imagine what would be if I wasn't the way that I am....perish the thought!

P.S. Katie just walked in on me and saw this post with the pic and could not figure out why it was on the computer screen. She looked at me and through her laughter said..."and how did you get that on there you sneaky mommy!?!"

Oh man, this girl is gonna give us a run for our money!

To Do List

2011-11-05T22:54:00.003-04:00

Making a list may help to keep me on track so here is my top ten list of things to get accomplished in November besides all of the usual stuff:

1) Complete my blog a day project for the Month of November...even if it kills me!

2) Organize my desk at home, which has reached epic status...and not in a good way! My closet as well!

3) Begin holiday shopping. That takes money so it may not happen until December.

4) Get back to my photography, which has taken a back seat to my other obligations.

5) Plan some time away with Marc for early next year. We desperately need it.

6) Prepare for our annual garage sale in December. (Our trash is your treasure ;-)

7) Buy some new shoes...mama really needs a new pair! This also reminds me that the kids need cleats for soccer. **Mama may not get her new shoes.

8) Go through the kids stuff before the holidays and pare it all down to what is actually still being worn and used (see #6)

9) Work my ass off to get my final tally up for the Vision Walk on November 12th!

10) Find some "me" time! (This one hardly seems possible)

What's on your to do list this month?

I always say that raising children is not for the faint of heart

2011-11-04T23:48:00.000-04:00

....and it is not!

Tonight was one of the most terrifying nights of my life. Katie and her team were in the Cheer-Off and tonight was their finale performance; one that they had prepared for for several weeks. While the girls were waiting to go on for their performance, they were all doing cartwheels and handstands. Katie did a handstand that had too much force and she went over and hit her head and back hard on the ground and at the same time! She knocked the wind out of herself and she was also knocked unconscious for a few moments. I ran around the fence to get to her and the wonderful dad's on our team sprang into action over the fence to also get to her. By mere happenstance they both have paramedic training. They also thought she may have had a seizure so 911 was immediately called and the paramedics came. She was ultimately cleared and my brave girl chose to cheer in her final competition! They ended up with the trophy for the best performance and I ended up with another 100 gray hairs! Marc was working so he missed the whole horrible ordeal....UGH!!!

Poor Ethan was devastated as he watched all of this go down. When we got back from the ambulance he was sobbing. He and his sister are so devoted to each other. He was besides himself. After I calmed him down and both children were not looking I just sobbed in my parents arms.

I am so grateful that they were there for me as well as all of the families of the girls that Katie cheers with. They are so wonderful and they sprang into action for Katie like she was one of their children. They were amazing!

So today, on this 4th day of Thanksgiving I am thankful that Katie is OK after such an awful accident!

The girls did just great. Here is a video of their performance. I was kneeling in a very awkward location, just trying to squeeze in to get my video. It is a bit shaky and then I went pretty far to the right at the end, but this film will still give you a taste of their performance!

Thank G-d things worked out OK. Hug your children a little closer tonight. Life can change in the blink of an eye!

Note: Katie is the second little girl from the right.

Trying to Pull Rank

2011-11-03T20:13:00.000-04:00

This conversation took place two days ago over breakfast......

Katie: "Mommy, am I in charge of Ethan when you and daddy are not home?"

Me: "We are pretty much always here and if by chance we are not then we have someone taking care of you....and why should you be in charge anyway since you are the same age as Ethan?"

Katie: "Because I am over 2 months older and taller than Ethan!"

Me: "That does not make you in charge!"

Ethan: "See Katie....your not my boss!!"

Katie: Looking a little peeved and not convinced at all did not pursue the issue at hand....

Two days later.....

Katie: Can you and Daddy go to the bathroom at the same time so that I can be in charge?!?

The laughter that was probably heard all over our neighborhood was probably a good indication to her as to the answer to that question.

A W E S O M E ! !

2011-11-02T21:26:00.003-04:00

Approximately 2.5 months ago, six little girls (including Katie Starr) came together to form a cheerleading team. They were shy, tentative and cheering was anything but natural for them.

In short order these same six little girls became a team...a loud, confident and energetic bunch who not only cheer as a cohesive group but are quite honestly.........
A W E S O M E!

There have been loads of practices and games all leading up to the final Cheer-Off, which takes place this Friday night. They have a routine that they have practiced to the point that every mom and dad in our group can do it as well...heck, Katie's loyal fan Ethan knows it as well as they do!

Tonight was our final practice and we wrapped it up with a pizza party. It was a wonderful final get together before the grand finale. It is not goodbye though...the girls and their families have formed a wonderful bond...one that will outlast the final cheer of the season!

Go Colts!!

It is National Blog Posting Month!

2011-11-01T22:11:00.003-04:00

November is the month where many people try to post each and every day on their blog. Once again, I am going to participate. I loved the last go round which was back in 2009. I have been quite erratic with my posting for about a year. If I trace it back, it probably will lead me back to the month or so after we received Katie's diagnosis. Life seemed to go into overdrive, even more than normal, and I did not have any desire to blog frequently.

A year later I have a much different focus. My main focus is my family. But the other important very important focus of my life is to raise awareness and money for the Foundation Fighting Blindness so that our daughter does not lose her sight. I am also in the process of trying to find a lab who will test her DNA sample promptly so that we can begin the process of identifying the gene that has caused this disease that she inherited.

If you have been a regular reader for the past 6.5 years or are have found me more recently; please join me in raising awareness and money by clicking on my link below, reading the whole story and joining with me to fund a treatment or cure for this amazing little girl; our Katie Starr! Oh and one more thing....I will see you each and every day of November so please check back in on me!

The Katie Starr Team

Beginning to get it!

2011-10-23T19:32:00.000-04:00

The dissemination of life altering information to children is surely a long and winding road. Our newest challenge is slowly allowing Katie to realize that she will lose her sight if a treatment or cure for her condition is not found. We have barely scratched the surface on that revelation. My gut tells me to go at her pace. I feel that this is the best way and all of the informed advice that I have received; most especially from adults who have had the same diagnosis since childhood and are now blind, has assured me that she will guide me as she is ready.

The subject that is bubbling up in our home again these days in not about eyesight but the other big issue.... adoption.

Katie brought it up again as I was washing her hair today. Without any thought, I asked her "Katie, where did you get all of this beautiful hair?" As I said it, I realized just how thoughtless the question was. I guess deep down I truly forget that she was not born to us. I would have asked the same thing of Justin and he would have answered "from you mom...or from dad!" Katie's answer to me was......"I got it from the orphanage!" My heart sank! "No, Katie...you got your beautiful hair from the mommy and daddy that gave you life." "True", she said..."I think that they had poor eyesight too!" More heart sinkage.....

This led to an ongoing discussion between our two little ones as Ethan sat drying himself off and Katie was still in the shower.

Katie: "My mommy and daddy in China gave me away because they were poor."

Me: "That may or may not be true...remember I told you that there are many reasons why your birth parents could not take care of you or could not keep you with them...one reason could be that they were very poor and could not properly take care of a child and they are many others reasons as well; including the law in China about having more than one child."

I have never told them about the "one child policy" before, as I have always thought it was a bit more than they could grasp and today it seemed that the time was right to touch upon it. I explained that in China, for many years, it was against the law to have more than one child and that if people did so, then they were unable to keep the child.

Ethan was incensed by this news. "The law in China is bad!!" "They are bad in China and they do bad things!!" I explained that this was not true. That true, it is was NOT a good law at all but that the government had to come up with a solution since there were more people in China than food to feed them all. He asked me how I knew that THEY (Katie and Ethan) needed a home and I told him that we wanted to adopt babies and that we were lucky enough after asking the officials in China, to be given the opportunity to be their mommy and daddy. I explained that they are many good people in China and that those people want the children to have loving homes and that surely their birth parents would be happy to know that they WILL BE BE LOVED FOREVER.

They both agreed with that fact. Ethan then left the room to get dressed and I then asked Katie if she ever thought about her birth mommy or daddy. She said that she did....that she dreamed about them and that they looked just like her. She mentioned the fact that they had poor eyesight again. Pretty amazing that she realizes the tie in there. I am not sure if she really dreams about them or she felt it was the right thing to say at the time but I just wanted her to realize that at some point she will be thinking about them and that is OK to do so. I also want her to be able to share it with us if she wants to. Ethan heard the exchange as well as he was walked back in.

I finished up by saying to both children that mommy, daddy and the whole family were so lucky that we adopted both of them into our family and that they were stuck with us....whether they liked it or not! This made them both laugh. I did not feel like laughing but I acted like I did as well.

Why do the facts of life have to be so freaking painful? I love all three of my children so deeply and they have all had to deal with very painful realities. Once again, I am left hoping that the way that I am dealing with it now will be beneficial in the future. I do know that the love I have for them guides me and moves me to do the very best that I can by them.

Please oh please let it be good enough.....

The Katie Starr Team

2011-09-23T23:19:00.001-04:00

Katie Starr

We are back in the saddle again and gearing up for the 2011 South Florida Vision Walk. This year I have been asked to be the Walk Chair and I am honored to take on that task. In 2010, the team with the greatest amount of supporters and who raised the greatest amount of money was our team......

The Katie Starr Team

This year, it is more important than ever to be a part of this important fundraising event. I have spoken to many doctors and scientists over the past year and they all say that the cutting edge research that is taking place right now is, day by day, uncovering the mysteries and unlocking the key to vision for those afflicted with hereditary blindness like our precious daughter, Katie Starr. The Foundation Fighting Blindness is leading the way by funding these important clinical trials that are our hope for her and so many others.

There are so many important causes that deserve your money. I personally donate to many of them myself. I ask you to look into your heart and remember those like my daughter who will face a life in the dark without your help. I know in my heart that our girl will be just fine no matter what happens to her vision....that is just who she is. Marc and I, like all other loving parents just don't want life to be that much more difficult for her with that additional barrier in her way. We will do everything in our power to keep the lights on for her, so I am asking you directly and I also ask you to ask your friends to please choose to give to this worthwhile cause and if you can....walk in solidarity with us on November 12th in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Click here for the details:

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Please find it in your heart to help....

2011-09-18T23:03:00.001-04:00

Telling Secrets

2011-09-06T22:33:00.000-04:00

Being the parents of virtual twins has been nothing short of amazing...so amazing in fact that I have been wondering why all children do not come into the world two by two! Katie Starr and Ethan have been best friends from the moment that Katie fed Ethan her cheerios at the Civil Affairs Office in Nanchang, Jiangxi on Ethan's adoption day in 2007. They share pretty much everything and quite willingly I might add. I am not sure if they have some amazing mojo together or if it is just our amazing parenting (smirk) . It really doesn't matter though because the end result is the same!

Now to the chink in the armor; the proverbial other shoe that always drops.

Today, Marc and I got a glimpse as to our future and it is a bit unnerving!

The downside to virtual twins that get along this well is........

They are Co-Conspirators and they keep secrets!!!! I guess our rose colored bi-focals somehow chose not to see that!

Here is the gist of a conversation that Marc caught today from just around the corner from where they were playing:

Katie: "Ethan, I am going to tell you a secret but you can't tell Anybody!!!"

Ethan: Always the willing accomplice, "OK, what is is Katie?"

Katie: "Julian in my classroom asked me to marry him!"

Ethan: "He wants to kiss you?!?!?" "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!"

Katie: "He doesn't want to kiss me...HE WANTS TO MARRY ME!!!"

There is no kissing in marriage?!?

Marc popped his head around the corner and and was going to ask what they were talking about. Katie started to launch into one of her cheers from her cheerleading team to cover up her secret....OH MY! Then Marc asked her and she spilled her guts and told him. Of course, he told her that she is waaay to young to get married and to now even think about it again until she is 30...LOL.

These two always have their heads together, whether they are playing or helping around the house and most especially when they share quiet time together. I can see that the two of us are going to need to stay pretty sharp to keep up with the two of them.

One thing is for sure....it will be very interesting in our home for the next 12 years or so.....stay tuned!

How much is too much?

2011-08-07T19:49:00.002-04:00

We have been giving some thought to an allowance for the two 6 year old's. The subject has come up quite a bit of late and this is what we have come up with...

Every day or so it seems we hear the cry of "look at this (insert any product here)...can I have that?" It is natural since everywhere they turn they are bombarded with the perfect "thing" that will simply change their lives. The Madison Avenue advertising machine is working quite well thank you and it's impact is felt in my home as I am sure in most of yours. Impressionable young children, naive in this consumer society that we live in, only want to succumb to the latest trend that is all the craze or to own the latest toy or electronic item this season.

We think the time has come to begin an allowance so that some understanding that there is no money tree in our back yard can come into play. They do not get most things that they want; other than what they receive for presents at holiday time and the once in a great blue moon when we just want to do something special for our two very good kiddos. The only way to really learn about money is to have it. Now that they are in the first grade and their wants have gotten greater, we think the time has come to give them some money management tools to help them sort it out. I learned a great deal about this when I parented Justin and I think I did well, as he is a good money manager. His downfall though is the same as my own and that is electronic gadgets. Back in the day there were not as many as there are now, but I did indulge myself in quite a few when my means were greater. This is where the recession and the impact that it has had on our pocketbook may come in handy. The children do not see us buying every new gadget on the market. We simply cannot do that now....it's probably a very good thing.

I cannot for the life of me remember how much we gave Justin to start off but after doing some research online about this subject, it seems that a reasonable amount to begin with is one half of their age. $3.00 for the 6 year old's seems like the right amount and we will ask them to contribute a bit towards Tzedakah (charity) each week to help them to learn to power of helping others in money and in deed.

I think that amount will also help them with a bit of delayed gratification, as it take a bit of time to save up for a "bigger or better" item at that rate. I also like the idea of having it tied to assisting us with the purchase of other discretionary items such as refreshments at the movies or vacation souvenirs as examples. Just a bit mind you but enough to understand that there really is no money fairy waving a wand to make all those things possible.

Also, we are not going to tie it to chores as we believe that the message that we want to continue to ingrain is that we all pitch in around the house as a family. That is just what is expected and money is not going to be the reward for it. If there is a much larger chore that we ask then there may be a reward for that, but it will not be the norm. That is also a difference from the past for me. Older and wiser I hope.

I hope that this combination helps them to make wise choices but I know that there will be some tweaking as we grow. We just want to give them the best foot forward down this very treacherous road; one filled with so many glittery and desired items beckoning to them with their promise of momentary satisfaction and lots of long term pain in terms of repayment; over and over again on credit.

Been there...done that....want more for my children!

I am sure that you do too....

More adoption talk

2011-06-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the unlikeliest places can become the backdrop to discussions about adoption. I am always a bit caught off guard when it happens in strange settings like it did today in a fast food restaurant.

I was with a friend at a local MickeyD's with her two kiddos and the DD. One of hers is also adopted but that was not what started the conversation; Kung Fu Panda did! The sequels toys are in the happy meals and even though I do not usually go the happy meal route, I decided to give them something special today. The toys began a discussion about China and then the following revelations came from Katie Starr....

Katie: "What do Chinese eyes look like?"

Me: "They are beautiful...just like yours."

Katie: "What makes them Chinese?"

Me: "Asian people which includes people from China in most cases have an extra fold of skin on their eyelids."

Katie: "Why don't you have Chinese eyes?"

Me: "Because I am not from China and you do because you are."

Katie: "I want your eyes to look like mine." (She looked so sad and I y heart began to sink into my stomach)

Me: "I would love to have eyes that are as beautiful as yours but remember...you were not in my tummy so we do not look alike."

Katie: "I wish I was in your tummy."

Me: "Me too baby but you were born in my heart and I am your mommy and will love you forever. That is all that really matters. We do not have to look like each other to be mommy and daughter."

She did not look very thrilled with my answers and the other kids seemed oblivious to this conversation amidst the din of the restaurant and their own conversation. My friend then spoke and reaffirmed that we are all individuals that we all have differences but all of our differences are beautiful.

Yup, all of this in a MickyD's. Lots of stuff going on all of the times in little their heads, whether we choose to see it or not. If we choose not to, then they will eventually let us know what is weighing on them.

Probably could have used something a bit stronger than my usual Diet Coke after that conversation...

Five years on the way to forever!

2011-05-14T22:03:00.002-04:00

It has been five years since that amazing day; May 14th, 2006, when our daughter was placed into our arms and lives forever. She had lived in our hearts long before that....a dream soon to be realized.

It was mother's day, 2006. We woke up VERY early in the morning in a hotel room in Beijing. Marc, Justin and I were on our way to Lanzhou, Gansu Province to meet the newest addition to our family. Justin had graduated from UF just days earlier and now this newest path, was being laid down before us. We had spent three days in Beijing, taking in the sights and sounds as well as trying to acclimate ourselves to this very exotic locale and the huge time difference. We had accomplished much of what we had set out to and we were eager to get started, so we packed, ate breakfast and waited to get the go ahead to board the bus with the several other families that would become our adoption family and head to the airport.

The flight itself was pretty routine, other than the crazy descent to the top of a mountain where the airport was located. The butterflies in our tummies were outta control at the thought of the life changing moment that lay ahead. As soon as we landed and disembarked, the reality of this day really hit all of us; most especially the new daddy to be. We were walking through the terminal and he stopped for a moment and told us how excited and terrified he was. I think it was less so for me because I was already an experienced parent. I have so much empathy for what a first time parent goes through as they take on this massive life change in a completely foreign environment, away from home and loved ones and with a baby who is actively grieving the loss of the only life they have ever known.

We all collected ourselves and joined our group as we gathered our baggage and loaded the bus for the one hour drive through the Gansu desert on our way to the capitol city and our hotel. We arrived at 2:15 pm and we were told to get to the local store quickly to purchase any last minute supplies that we may need for ourselves and our babies. We had to be back to the hotel before 3:00 pm as that was when the babies were scheduled to arrive at the hotel. We all walked/ran to our destination and back only to find that the babies were already there. We entered the room and in a matter of a couple of minutes we spotted Katie Starr from afar. She looked exhausted from the long ride and had a big bump on her forehead from falling just the day before. We eventually found out that she was taking her first steps when she fell.

The next I remember, our names were called, passports and other indentification was compared to make sure our daughter was the one that we were matched with and BAM...she was placed in my arms and she fell asleep promptly. I was quite worried about that because I new if she woke up in a strange place with people she did not know it would be very traumatic. I was correct but that is another story for another day.

The experience was life altering and quite surreal. Our emotions were off the charts! For the next 5 days in Lanzhou and then 4 more in Guangzhou we bonded with each other, with the other families and we tended to a very sickly Katie Starr who became so sick by the end of the trip that we had to go to the hospital for treatment and clearance to take the day long trip to get home. Parenthood started with a bang and the thrill ride continues. Parenthood is a marathon and not a sprint. We are head over heels for our children and wholeheartedly in it for everything that we are given; the great times, the bad times, the healthy times, the sick times and all the very ordinary times in between. All of our children are a precious gift. The gift of Katie is a rare one. She is quite simply an amazing and radiant human being. I am not bragging but just stating a fact when I state that I have never dealt with as pleasant a personality as one that is possessed by this child. Her bonding in the beginning was a tricky and long road but boy oh boy is she a loving and attached child now. She adores all of us and she and I share a beautiful mother-daughter bond that I am thankful for with my whole heart for every day of my life. The last five years have been amazing and the only thing that I would change if I could, would be to take away the health issues that she struggles with. I pray one day that she is able to grow out of some of them and that a cure or a viable treatment is found for her sight disease.

This day though is for celebrating and celebrate we have! We have had two celebratory meals (food is always a part of every celebration in our family) and we have looked at pictures, videos and mementos of that trip and that amazing day.

Katie said something to me today that both amazed me and touched me to my very core. She said, "Mommy, I love my forever day much more than my birthday...do you know why?" "Why Katie", I inquired. "Because my forever day was the day that I got my wonderful family who will be with me forever!"

Happy 5th anniversary precious Starr! As we tell you every day...we love you to infinity and beyond and we WILL be there forever!

Are they REALLY brother and sister?

2011-04-23T22:58:00.003-04:00

I was ranting a bit on facebook recently about this very question; one that I get more than you can imagine. After blowing off a little steam about it and the many strangers that feel the need to inquire about matters that are none of their business, I began to think about my children's bond.

What makes Katie Starr and Ethan brother and sister?

Everything that makes children that share genetics brother and sister; except for the genetics.

That is it! They lack the same DNA and blood...big deal!

What they share is parents.

They share a home.

They share a family.

They share their friends.

They share their toys...and I mean really share!

They share a bath tub.

They share a sense of humor...well, mostly Katie but Ethan is getting one as well.

They share a school; heck they even share a grade.

They used to share a room and wish they still did.

They share their imagination....with each other....constantly.

They share a desire to learn.

They share a birth country that is not shared with us...or many others in this country.

They share a religion.

They share the holidays.

They share a love and devotion to their parents, brother, sister-in law, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

They share so many things....

Mostly what they share is a deep and abiding love for each other; one that is truly like no other that I have ever seen between siblings. There are days that the loyalty and devotion that I see between them brings tears to my eyes. They are there for each other, have each others back and miss each other like crazy cakes when they are apart.

Simply put.........Katie Starr and Ethan REALLY are brother and sister!

That was their destiny and it is our good fortune to be a part of it.

I need to get back in the saddle again

2011-04-09T22:14:00.001-04:00

and start posting on this blog that is. It has been way too long. I post every night on my 365 Photography blog and it seems that my creativity is only extending to my photography these days. The written word has taken a back seat and it is really not a good thing. Marc has asked me to post on the blog again. He loves that I am keeping this journal of our lives together and hated the idea of me letting it go to the way side. He is right so here we go...

Here is a snapshot of life at "Stress" over the past few months......

Marc and I are moving in the right direction work wise. His business has picked way up again and I have a new position with a local University. I am the Clinic Support Coordinator of the audiology clinic. I am happy there. My supervisors provide a supportive work environment and the students that study and work there are wonderful. I finally have good health benefits and that is quite a relief; especially with the health concerns that Katie Starr has.

That brings me to the DD; Katie Starr and Ethan are doing really well in school. Katie has taken to Kindergarten like a duck to water and is already ready for first grade. Ethan has had to work a bit harder but for Ethan that is just the way he operates....working hard is no problem for him and he is really picking up the pace.

Katie's health concerns are still there. Her asthma has been quite troublesome and the winter season is quite stressful when it comes to asthma. I am so glad that summer is coming. As far as her eyesight, we have her next "all day" evaluation down at Bascolm Palmer Eye Institute on the 22nd of this month. I am praying for no decline but obviously will have to accept whatever comes and roll with the punches. Katie has brand new glasses and sun glasses that a wonderful friend (met through adoption) provided to us at no cost. I have the most amazing friends in the world and count my blessings every day.

I have accepted the responsibility of Vision Walk Chair for the 2011 Walk for the Foundation Fighting Blindness. We are setting off our first organizational kick off meeting and I hope we get the same kind of support that we received last year when we first received the heartbreaking news of Katie's eye issues. We raised a great deal of money and I hope to surpass that this coming year. I am ready to get the ball rolling.

Ethan is doing well but is experiencing some post trauma issues in the form of overly fixating on things; most especially food so we will again be entering him into play therapy. I just received a list of approved counselors from my insurance and my goal is to get him started next week. His emotional health is as important as his physical, which thankfully has posed no real concerns since his successful open heart surgery.

The *bigs* (J and J) are happily ensconced in their new home and jobs. Not too much to report other than Justin is gearing up for his bar exam this summer. Fingers crossed!

The big news is that I am turning the big *50* this month and Marc is throwing me a big party. I know nothing other than the date; not even where it is. I know one thing though...it will be memorable. Marc is such a thoughtful and loving husband. I feel very blessed to have him by my side as we navigate this roller coaster of a life.

I will finish off this post by sharing a picture of us and the DD that I took a couple of months back. You can follow my 365 (Photo every day for a year) project) here and I promise to be back more frequently from here on in. This was my first blog baby and I don't want to neglect her again.

Five Years since we saw her face for the very first time!

2011-03-17T22:08:00.000-04:00

I documented the fifth anniversary of referral day on my photography blog this year. You can view it HERE!

Katie's face and story will make a difference!

2011-02-22T21:05:00.001-05:00

Katie Starr is the 2011 face of the Foundation Fighting Blindness. Her image and story are on all of their membership materials. This was the letter from me that was enclosed with the membership package. If you would like to become a member of the Foundation Fighting Blindness and make a tax deductible contribution that will help aid the research towards treatment and possibly a cure for hereditary blindness, please go to Katie Starr's link. Every dollar counts....more than you will ever know!

Thank you, The Katie Starr Team

Xin Nian Kuai Le!!

2011-02-03T21:04:00.000-05:00

Our DD are very proud to be Chinese American and were thrilled to be able to share their culture with their teachers and school mates today.

We are so proud of them.

Our family wishes you a Happy Year of the Rabbit....a very very lucky year!

Pain Uncovered

2011-01-28T23:58:00.003-05:00

Tonight Katie was reading a book to Ethan and I about a little boy who had the Chicken Pox. As the story unfolded, Ethan began to ask me questions about what Chicken Pox are and how do you get them. Ethan has always been a probing questioner and I thought that this was just the beginning of the usual barrage of questions that are precipitated by some new concept. I was wrong. This question would lead us down a path of discussion that I did not anticipate.

I began to answer his questions about Chicken Pox as soon as the story was done. I explained what they were and I also told him that he had them when he was still in China. The thought of this seemed to really upset him; much more than I knew at the time. He got very quiet which is quite unlike him and then about a minute later he looked up at me with tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong; why was he so sad? I could see that he was doing everything in his power to hold the tears back and so I told him that if he was sad that he could tell me what was upsetting him. He began to cry very hard and told me that he was sad and scared when he was in China and was sick with the Chicken Pox. He kept asking why he got them there and where were we?!? I tried to explain in the simplest of terms that we wanted to be there so badly but that we were waiting on permission from the officials in China to come and adopt him. He kept re[eating over and over about about how he was so scared he was when he was sick and that why did those people in China not let us come to get him quicker.....it totally broke my heart. I just held him close and told affirmed that of course he was scared but that he need never be scared again, as he would always have him family around him when he was sick forever and ever.

I know in my heart that this deeply buried memory was really of when he was in the hospital with no one by his side for well over a month for his open heart surgery. How much pain did he endure without so much as a loving touch? How may days did he wake up in pain with no one to tell him that it was all going to be OK and be by his side? He does not consciously remember this but his psyche sure does and that experience lives inside him and impacts how he deals with the world on a daily basis. He has many coping mechanisms that he exercises each day and that we are trying to help him resolve.

We started him in play therapy about 2 months ago and took a break due to finances but now that my new insurance has kicked in we are going to be starting again. I know there are so many feelings that our little guy needs to work through but I am grateful that he felt safe enough with me tonight to begin to release the pain.

Closing Day!

2011-01-23T17:40:00.001-05:00

My kids have just closed on their first home.

I had the good fortune to be not only the Realtor who facilitated the purchase of the home but also the photographer at the closing table.

There are lots of great deals out there but getting them closed is much more of challenge than ever.

Thankfully, good things come to those who wait and are patient.

My belief is that life hands you sweet moments; moments that are pure joy!

I am thankful that I was a part of their joy today.

I think that my son looks very "lawyerly" here!

Congratulations to Justin and Judy. May your life be filled with many joyful moments!

PS A special thank you to my dear friend Kira who was the closer on this transaction. She was amazing!

Daddy's Boy

2011-01-08T00:01:00.003-05:00

A Cautionary Tale

2011-01-06T21:03:00.001-05:00

Tonight, Marc was bathing the children while I was out at a meeting. Marc always lets the DD play for awhile and then gets down to bathing them. When he finishes cleaning them off and begins to let the water drain, they always enjoy their last few minutes in the water....Katie loves to lay her head back and pretend to float in the shallow water.

Tonight's bathing episode ended on a much different note than any in the past. As Katie laid back, her hair floated down into the drain and before Marc knew it, her long hair began to weave around the metal on the inside of the drain and became caught. Marc tried to free her and the hair began winding and tangling more and more while pulling her hair and head down. Thankfully, he handled it well and was able to get it all untangled and free her. It took more than a couple of minutes to do that though and a great deal of patience.

On the surface, you may think that the biggest concern here was her hair and possibly losing several inches of it, as at one point Marc thought he may have to cut most of it off in order to free her! It is much more serious than that. If he had walked away to get a phone call or to do anything else, she may have been drawn down beneath the waters surface with no way to free herself and possibly could have drowned.

That is why I am sharing this. Please...anytime there is water involved....do not leave your children alone. A minute may be the difference between life and death. Tonight was proof positive of that fact!

I am back

2011-01-01T22:32:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year! I have taken a bit of a break; mostly because I was pretty burnt and the last thing that you need to do when you are burnt is just one more thing. That "one more thing" among others was blogging.

I now need to get back into my normal rhythm; which includes blogging. I have always loved my blog...it has been such an outlet for me. My photography is also a creative outlet for me. I decided to do a 365 Blog and post a pic each day beginning today. You can find my photography blog here.

Quick update;

I have a new job.

The DD are doing well. Our holiday season was wonderful and they are doing well in school.

The bigs (Justin and Judy) are in the process of purchasing their first home with my help as a real estate agent.

Katie's eyesight is stable at this time. Our Vision Walk was a major success. We raised more money than any South Florida Team has ever raised. Over $13,000.00 and still counting!! The Foundation was blown away by our success but really, who would not want to help a 5 year old little girl who is losing her eyesight? They have now asked us to allow Katie to be the face of their national membership fundraising campaign for 2011. We are so proud that our amazing little girl will help the Foundation Fighting Blindness to raise awareness and money so that treatments and/or a cure can be found.

2010 was a very stressful and difficult year in for our family. Not just because of Katie's diagnosis but for many other reasons, most of which are financial. So many of us are in the same boat, so I know that you get it!

I will write more soon about her and this journey we are on with her but in the meantime I am here to report that we are taking it a day at a time and we know that we will deal with all of this together as a family. That is all that matters.

May 2011 be good to all of us. I am going to take matters in my own hands and try hard to make it so. I am going to pursue my passions more frequently and I am going to be better to my body, mind and soul.

Thank you for continuing to follow along. It means more than you will ever know......

Holiday Card 2010

2010-12-12T21:00:00.001-05:00

Polka Dot Snowflakes Christmas

Make unique Christmas cards with Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Happy 3 Years Ethan!

2010-10-29T23:12:00.002-04:00

It has been three years since we adopted our sweet mischief man in China. On October 29th, 2007, we entered the JiangXi Civil Affairs Office and were shocked to find a very fragile, weak and quite delayed little guy waiting for us. He was so afraid and we were very afraid as well. Somehow and someway, day by day, we were able to help our little guy get healthy and strong. We were able to give him the tools to transform into the amazing little boy who has completed our family. As much as we gave to Ethan, he gave us so much more. He gave us a stronger will, courage to face the unknown and the gift of watching one of the strongest and most resilient children that we have every known. He has beaten the odds and he continues to surprise us daily with every new milestone reached.

There are still remnants of the damage that was done to his psyche through his neglect in China but we can see that he feels very loved and mostly secure that we will always be there for him...always and forever. We pray that someday it all falls away but even if it does not, we do know that his future is very bright!

Happy 3 years Ethan Frederick Zhiqing! We love you with every fiber of our being; just as we do your sister and brother.

Always and Forever,
Mom and Dad

Trying to be strong for our daughter

2010-10-19T20:36:00.003-04:00

Tonight I was reading to the Dynamic Duo before bed. The book that I was reading to them was one that Katie could definitely help me with since her reading is really coming along. I asked her to read a couple of sentences and she strained to see the page. She put her face all the way up to the page so that she could see and she was struggling big time! I asked her whether she could see and she became defensive and she said that she could see it. She definitely could not see it without being on top of it. I had to try my level best not to cry....I saved my tears until after she went to bed. I then had a big time boo hoo session. I needed it.

As I was brushing her teeth I told her that sometimes when people have a hard time seeing words on a page that they could learn an alphabet that they can feel with their fingers and they can read books that way. She asked me what it was called and I told her it was called braille. I asked her if she would like to learn braille and she told me that she would...it sounded cool. I better take note of my daughter's positive outlook pretty quickly because all I could think at that time was that we were teaching her how to read the written word but that she may not be able to do so for very long.

I pray that this Friday when I take her to see the specialist down at Bascolm Palmer Eye Institute, that they are able to prescribe new lenses that will give her a greater field of vision for now and that they can do so for a long time.

I know that there are worse things and that it will someday be our new normal but I hate this. I hate it more than I can ever express.

The Ironies of Life

2010-10-12T08:22:00.002-04:00

I had a memory come back to me last night in the midst of a fitful sleep.....

About four years ago, just after we made our decision to adopt again, we further decided to walk down the path of a special needs adoption. There was a lot to consider, not least of which was the existing family and responsibilities that were already on our plate but also, what did we think that WE as a couple could actually handle. After lots of soul searching, Marc and I came up with a "list" of the needs that we deemed to be "right" for us.

Within a couple of weeks of the search for our next child, our dear friend Mary saw a child on her agency special needs list that called out our name as potential parents. It was a baby boy from the exact same place that Katie is from; Wuwei, Gansu. He was such a beautiful child and the words underneath his name on their website gave a vague description of a special need. If I remember correctly, it was "uneven iris's." I remember being shocked that with such a benign description that this child was still available. The most minor of special needs always go very quickly. I quickly wrote to the agency to inquire about the boy. I was told that the description given by China was quite vague and even had conflicting facts so that we should proceed with caution when reviewing the file. We were the first email of several that they had received overnight that were interested in this child. They would allow us to review the files with our doctors but there were no promises.

We took the file to not only our pediatrician but to a Pediatric Ophthalmologist that my mother was employed by for many years. After so many years he seemed more like a family friend than a doctor. As such, he told us that the information provided was too vague to make a determination on his condition. He asked us to request more info if we could. We followed his instructions and asked the agency to make the inquiry, which they did. A new examination was then performed in China and the results of the exam were laid out for us in typical China fashion...again conflicting but this time with enough facts for us to come to a decision....

Our doctor informed us that with the type of condition that this baby boy had he would indeed by blind very quickly, if he was not already. In addition, the type of eye issue he had would likely be paired with another medical syndrome of some type. Marc and I were so upset to hear those words. We wanted the words to be untrue to make our decision an easy one. We so wanted to adopt this little boy from Wuwei. It would have been so sweet to have two children from the exact same place. We agonized quite a bit over the file for the next couple of days. Could we handle such a special need? Would it be fair to Katie and to our family as a whole? Did we have the financial resources necessary. The final answer to all of the those questions was a sad....no. He was not our child. I sadly relayed that info to the agency including all of the feedback from the doctor.

The only consolation for us was that the family in line right behind us was already parenting a child with a similar special need and was interested in parenting this child. They asked the agency if they could speak to me in order to get more info on the feedback that our Doctor had given to us. The mom and I spoke several times and the last time that we spoke she was seriously considering adopting him but I will never know for sure. I never heard from her again. His picture never reappeared on the list though, so in our hearts we believe he was adopted.

I am a huge believer in fate and I totally believe that he was not meant to be our son and of course as it turns out Ethan was meant very much meant to be. Anyone that has seen our two youngest children together can tell you that they truly were "Beshert" the Hebrew word for meant to be.

The irony of it all still is quite startling. That same doctor who is a family friend was the first to detect Katie's condition and refer us to a specialist. He had to be part of giving us this sad news again. Thankfully he is a friend and he and his assistant Shannon are totally there for us!

What we believed that we could not handle has been handed to us again. The condition that Katie has may be linked with a syndrome and other medical maladies may follow. This will be determined when the DNA test shows us the bad gene that has caused this.

We not only have been handed this again, but thankfully we know that in our hearts that we not only CAN handle it...we WILL.

Friends Helping Friends

2010-10-10T21:38:00.006-04:00

I have had so many friends reach out to help fund raise in addition to other kind offers. Thank you to each and every one of you. Right now there are two opportunities to help by purchasing items.

The first is made possible by my friend Heather. Heather is an adoption friend with two beautiful daughters. She and I met online back in 2005 while we waited for her Abigail (Abba) and my Katie Starr. As you know Katie is from the city of Wuwei in Gansu Province China. Heather's second child, who she adopted a couple of years later is Kaylyn, who is also from Wuwei! Believe me when I tell you that this is not at all common. Gansu province is one of the rarest places in China to adopt from and Wuwei is even rarer. Our Wuwei girls have drawn these two Panda sisters even closer :)

Heather has decided to auction many gently used (with love) items that were both handmade and store bought to benefit the Foundation Fighting Blindness. What a beautiful effort and we are so very grateful. The auction ends October 12th and you can check it out here. Thank you Heather!

The other shopping opportunity is made possible by my dear friend Minouche. Minouche is also a friend that was made through the adoption world. We are a part of the same FCC group and we have grown to be close and trusted friends. She is such a supportive person and so it came as no surprise to me when she decided to donate 10% of the proceeds of some of her clothing line from her Online Etsy Shop, Yaya Kids Couture to the Foundation Fighting Blindness. Yaya is the pet name of her beautiful daughter, who our family loves very much.

She has a back to school clothing line as well as a Hanukkah line. Here is her Facebook Page, where you can purchase the clothing on sale this week. If you are not on facebook, then just email her though her Etsy site and she will give you the promotional price and will make the donation to the foundation. Thank you Minouche!

Here is Katie modeling one of Minouche's beautiful creations. You can be sure that she will be wearing this beauty this holiday season :)

The friends that I have made through the adoption world, both in person and online are very treasured. They have proven their friendship time and again. I know that they are all in this with us for the long haul.....until a cure is found.

Taking Baby Steps

2010-10-06T21:46:00.005-04:00

That is how we are approaching how we communicate to Katie about her eye condition. I have consulted with a therapist that specializes in children and she has proved to be a valuable resource for us. Slow and steady will win the race.

It will be much like the adoption conversation; give bits of info and wait for further questioning. Only give her what she asks for and above all, do not answer any questions that we are not able to answer pretty quickly. Our answer to questions like those should be, "I really want to think about what you have asked me before I answer you...Let me go ahead and do that and then we will talk about it further. I promise I will give you the answer soon." Of course, we will answer the question as quickly as possible and when we are fully prepared to do so.

Our fear is that someone will spill the beans to her in a totally inappropriate way but the counselor make me realize that the odds of this are quite small considering she is very young and she is supervised by us most of the time outside of school. There is no real reason to give her the whole story now and terrify her unnecessarily. She is only 5 years old and is too young to be able to process this information properly. If this was going to happen overnight, then yes, we would need to prepare her immediately. As far as we know, Katie's eyesight will wane away slowly, giving us a great deal of time to prepare her.

The first bit of communication will be about the Vision Walk that we are participating in on 10/23. There will be a team of people and she will want to know why they are all there and of course since we are "The Katie Starr Team," it will quite obviously be about her. With the therapist's direction, we have decided to tell her the truth in a dose that she can digest. We will tell her that we are walking and collecting money to aid researchers to help people like her that have weak eyesight. We are hoping that the research scientists can find a cure so that her eyes and many other peoples eyes can be stronger. She knows that he eyes are weak so that is perfect.

In one of our sessions the therapist met Katie and was quite taken with her intelligence and openness. After interacting with her she assured me that if handled properly, Katie Starr will be able to cope with it and thrive despite it. I believe in my heart that she is right.

Another good piece of advice that she gave me was to try to enhance her other senses so that she can compensate as her sight weakens. Also to draw Ethan into it as well so that she does not feel singled out and of course him feel left out. We need to ask them to give us feedback on taste, smells, sounds etc. in order that they are challenging those senses. We will train them to more fully experience what is presented to us...not just "see" with our eyes. We can "see" with our ears, nose, mouth and touch. She has given me several exercises to do in order to accomplish this.

I feel that we are taking positive steps. Our next step is to meet with another specialist in a couple of weeks to get a better idea about timelines and things we can do in the interim to help her preserve her sight as long as possible.

Baby steps are doable. It was that slow old tortoise that won the race against the speedy hare. Taking it slowly will help us to prevail in the end as well.

We are surrounded by love

2010-09-22T21:41:00.005-04:00

I cannot explain to all of you how it feels to have so many friends and family buoy us up, support our cause to fund the research for a cure and make so many amazing offers to our daughter and our family. Quite simply, it is humbling.

We have had offers from friends to come for a visit to beautiful places all over the globe so that Katie can see brand new vistas that will sear into her mind's eye.

We have had friends do fund raising in their places of business for The Foundation Fighting Blindness in honor of Katie Starr.

We have a friend who owns two optometric locations where glasses are sold, offer to give Katie her first pair of prescription sunglasses as a gift and to allow us to purchase subsequent prescriptions to her lenses at their cost.

We have had one auction run for us by a woman who makes handmade children's clothing and now another friend is going to run her own online auction to benefit the foundation.

The Foundation has received donations from friends and strangers. Every single dollar of it shines brightly because of the love of a precious girl. One woman completely took me off balance today with a sizable donation paired with a message that she has been following my blog since the beginning and wanted to help out. What a tribute to our girl!

We have received invaluable information from many people and connections with other people that will prove very important to have in the future.

Our temple even made a decision, without our knowledge, to donate all of the money that they receive for Tzedakah from the preschool and religious school children for the entire school year and donate it to Foundation fighting Blindness in honor of our Starr.

Finally, I have asked over and over via facebook and the blog for help in getting the word out and each time dozens of our friends have answered the call to continue to spread the word; even at the risk of losing friendships from all of the messages. I have asked friends to blog about it and they have happily complied! Many friends are even walking with us and that means so much to us. We are truly soldiers fighting a war against time and I know that we can win it.

There are even more beautiful stories, these are just a sampling. We are completely overwhelmed!!

After this walk is over on October 23rd, I have even bigger plans for the next go round. The next event will be exciting, fun, memorable and it will bring us even closer to a cure.

Thank you all so much...I can never say it enough times and someday our daughter will not only know how many lives that she has touched but will also see how many have touched hers. My prayer is that she be able to look you all in the eye and see your beautiful faces when she thanks you. We are doing everything in our power to ensure that it happens!

So much happening

2010-09-12T16:54:00.004-04:00

It seems like we have had Katie's diagnosis of Cone-Rod Dystrophy for months instead of 10 days. So much has happened and so many wonderful people have become a part of the Katie Starr Team. It is much more than money that is driving this train. It is the awareness of hereditary blindness and other conditions that require stem cell research to find a cure.

I feel quite driven to keep this message out there and like I have said to so many already.....until a cure is found, we will not rest.

On another note, we need to begin putting together a plan for our girl. The first thing that we need to do is to speak to a proffessional about the proper way to share this very troubling information with Katie. We think she is too young to begin this discussion other than explaining to her as we make changes to her glasses and possibly the learning of alternative ways of acquiring information such as learning Braille, that her eyes are weak and these are the things that we do if that is the case. We may be wrong but we do not think that she is ready to absorb all of this and unless a therapist or someone that has been through this tells us otherwise and what the correct way to handle this may be.....well, we will not be telling her anytime soon. We want to preserve her innocence and knowledge of such a challenge for as long as we can.

We will be meeting with her Pediatric Opthamologist soon to discuss the reports in greater detail and then we will discuss what the first steps will be. Once that is done we will form an educational framework for her. I pray that the school that she is in right now has the resources that may be needed for her. If they do not, then she will need to be moved to another school and that will just break my heart. I want for her to be in the same school as Ethan. They love being in the same school so much!

We have been so gratified and so humbled by the friendship and support that we have received from friends and family. I have been quite a pest with the links that I share but everyone has been more than wonderful to keep passing them along. Communication is truly power! Through all of the sharing of this information from friend to friend, I have been placed in touch with people that have the same condition, found out that the Foundation Fighting Blindness is headed by the friend of a friend who will be in touch with me this week, also been in touch with the regional director of the same organization, who was so impressed by my fund raising ferocity that she wants to meet with me this week to find out about how I am getting the word out and finally a synopsis of Katie Starr's story was placed on Blogher.com's homepage (here is the link).

I remember reading this quote once and it has always stuck with me:

“The bravest battle that ever was fought; Shall I tell you where and when? On the maps of the world you will find it not; It was fought by the mothers of men”

There is nothing that I would not do for my family. I am a mama that is waging a war on behalf of my daughter; the amazing Katie Starr! Please become part of my army!

The word is getting out!

2010-09-09T18:29:00.004-04:00

I have been sharing the link to our 5K walk team for the Foundation Fighting blindness constantly on facebook and asking others to do the same. Each day I look at my facebook and I am humbled by the outpouring of friendship and support for Katie, us and the cause of raising money and awareness so that research can continue for Hereditary Retinal Diseases.

Two of my friends are avid shoppers of children's clothing (Mostly one of a kind handmade outfits.) Angel and Mary are fellow adoptive mamas that I have known since early 2005 when we were all just beginning the journey of adoption. They have always been there for us as friends and it did not surprise me one bit that they would be kind enough to post my link on their facebooks. One of their posts caught the attention of Ashley Hackshaw, the owner of
Lil Blue Boo , an online boutique specializing in one of a kind handmade children's clothing. Ashley, who obviously has as big of a heart as her talent, offered to auction off one of her beautiful handmade creations on behalf of Katie Starr to help fund this cause.

My lucky Starr is the name of her creation and there have already been 18 bids on it! It still has 4 days to go. Please take a look at it as well as all of Ashley's beautiful clothing. This is a woman who gives back and she should reap rewards for her kindness.

We are so touched and honored by all of the amazing people in our lives. Thank you to those that have extended themselves in love from the bottom of our hearts!

New Goals

2010-09-04T13:16:00.004-04:00

The shock of Katie's diagnosis hit us immediately and though we are still quite stunned, our feelings have turned to sadness and even anger. If you know me at all, then you know I am not at all into feeling that way. Last evening I remembered that my friend Stacey, a friends that I made through the wonderful world of adoption sent me a website to bookmark in case of such a diagnosis. She was kind enough to share with me the story of her uncles who suffered from the same hereditary affliction that robbed them all of their sight. I looked at it a few times while I was waiting and saw that it held a wealth of info but put it aside until we were were given the diagnosis this past Wednesday. The Foundation Fighting Blindness has a mission statement on their site...it is the following:

The urgent mission of the Foundation Fighting Blindness, Inc. is to drive the research that will provide preventions, treatments and cures for people affected by retinitis pigmentosa (RP), macular degeneration, Usher syndrome, and the entire spectrum of retinal degenerative diseases.

Katie's disease is Cone-Rod Dystrophy which falls under this umbrella of Retinitis Pigmentosa, a group of horrible hereditary diseases.

As I looked again at the website, I discovered something that I had not seen the first few times that I looked and that was a way for me and for my friends far and wide to not only help Katie Starr but any person who may be left totally in the dark due to a hereditary eye disease. The foundation holds 5K walks all over the country on different dates and the South Florida walk is October 23rd at 10:00 am in Fort Lauderdale. I have put together a team and in one day not only do we have people joining us to walk in solidarity but also almost $2,000.00 in donations.

I have two goals in the forefront of my mind now.

The first one is to raise awareness and money to help fund the cutting edge scientific research that will surely one day bring about treatments and even a cure.

The second one is to assist our daughter with developing her mind's eye. We are going to expose her to as much as possible during this time that she has most of her sight still intact. In case a cure is not found in time, I want her to be able to tap into her memory resources. It will help her to form the mental pictures that will enhance her life. I have not developed that plan as of yet and I am sure it will be a work in progress. I really want to bring her back to China as soon as it is financially possible for us. We will make that happen....no doubt!

I ask you to join with us on our first goal and please share this information with others. Please link back to this site so that your friends can read our story. Please facebook the info if you will and feel free to friend me if you choose to do so. Please comment that you would like to be my friend and I will give you my full name if you do not already know it. You can also share it on any online forums that you are a member of. Together, we can meet this goal. The goal will surely be met in our lifetime but we need it to happen quickly for Katie Starr

This could have been any one's child. It has happened to our child though so I am asking for you to help us.

You can make a donation of ANY amount at the following link: TEAM KATIE STARR

I also invite you to check out GuideStar that will allow you to verify this charity.

Thank you to all that will not just read this and think "That poor little girl" but the ones that will share this with others and give even a dollar to help. You are our heros!!

With gratitude,

The news is not good

2010-09-01T17:12:00.002-04:00

I am quickly updating to let all who know and care that we have the results of Katie's Electroretinography. Katie has a disease of the eyes called Cone-Rod Dystrophy which is in the same family as Retinitis Pigmentosa. This is an inherited disease that was passed down to her via both birth parents who would have been carriers of the gene. It is a rare disease as it would take two such carriers to pass it. This disease will rob her of her sight. There is no intervention or cure for it at this time. We are devastated right now as you can well imagine. Once we speak to her Doctor next week we will get a better understanding of how this may progress.

Thank you to all who have called, texted, left messages and sent their love and prayers. We appreciate all of it so much. When I can formulate a cohesive thought I will be back, but in the meantime I just wanted to let all who have cared so much know what the results of the test were.

Much love,

Emotions are high!

2010-08-31T14:36:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow, Katie has the test that will finally give us some answers about her eyes. Hopefully the answer will not be one of a diagnosis that will rob her of her sight. I have prepared myself though...I am not going into this with a less than prepared mind. The first few days after her Pediatric Ophthalmologist was concerned enough to order this test were ones of sadness and anxiety for me and Marc. After lots of "what ifs" we decided that the only thing to do was to put it aside for the month and let the time pass without the constant conjecture. During these last weeks I have made peace in many ways with my deepest fears. If Katie does indeed have Retinitis Pigmentosa or a similar affliction, we will do everything in our power to make sure she has the best chance possible to keep her sight for as long as humanly possible. I am just going to be grateful in the knowledge that even though it CAN be a tragedy to lose one's sight, it will NOT be one for our Katie. She is a strong and resilient child with a great mind. I marvel at her mind every day and I know that if one of her senses is fading or lost, then her mind will be strong enough to help her to accommodate that loss. We know that she can live a full life no matter what.

I am certainly not saying that I am resigning myself in advance to such a diagnosis. I am simply going to utilize the "glass is half full" way of thinking. There is really no other choice is there?

Today, we went down to the hospital for all of the pre-procedure testing and consults. I am feeling loads of anxiety but my anxiety right now has to do more with our child undergoing general anesthesia. I am doing my best to get in the same positive space about this but hey, I am a work in progress and right now I am not struggling a bit.

I will share the news as soon as I have any. Love to all of you that are still keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. It truly means the world to us.

xxoo

Is this the criteria by which a school should be judged?

2010-08-26T19:24:00.006-04:00

Apparently Katie thinks so!

At dinner tonight Katie told us that she really likes her school but not the toilets!

"The toilets at my preschool were much better than the toilets at my new school. The toilets at my new school are too small; they are for babies! My feet even touch the floor!!"

Katie's preschool is also the religious school site for the temple that we belong to and the two schools use the same bathrooms so they are not as big as adult toilets but obviously bigger than the ones that she is using now.

We asked her why she did not think that your feet touching the ground was a good thing. " I just liked my old school's toilets." she said "They were waaaay better!"

We were hysterical but I have to say I totally understand. There is nothing like a good toilet and one that you are used to! ;-)

The Dynamic Duo Go to Kindertarten and Justin is employed!

2010-08-24T00:02:00.005-04:00

Here is my I Phone picture of our two sweeties on their way to Kindergarten. It went wonderfully well! They enjoyed their first day immensely and if it is any indication of what is to come then I would say that the year will be quite successful!

How the heck did our sweet baby girl and boy morph into capable and independent little souls who are venturing into the first year of their academic career?

All this on the heels of our son finishing law school and taking the bar. On the same day that the DD entered Kindergarten, Justin accepted his first paid position in a law firm.

Could this mother be any prouder? NO WAY!

I love being JJ, Starr and Spice's Mom. It is the best job in the world!

Thank you all so much!

2010-08-03T12:41:00.002-04:00

I have received such an outpouring of love, prayers and support via this blog as well as facebook and emails! We are so fortunate to have such an amazing community of friends and family! I cannot tell you how much your support means to us. I have even had several emails communicating from friends who have family with the eye condition that we are having her tested for The emails offered positive stories of people leading purposeful lives with this condition and hope in regard to all of the cutting edge technologies that are being developed in this era of modern medicine.

I am staying as positive as possible while we wait for Katie to have the test. I just hope that the next month flies by and that she has no respiratory issues so that we do not have to postpone the test. Right now she has a cold and her asthma is flaring up so that is always concern that is in the back of my mind.

In the meantime I will be back to blog again soon with some fun stuff....I know...Maybe I will take and post a few pictures of them ;-) Told ya I was going to stay positive!!

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart! Sending love and gratitude to all of you!

A huge bump in the road that we never saw coming

2010-07-30T20:58:00.006-04:00

As most of you know Katie wears glasses. She was diagnosed at the age of 2 1/2 with Amblyopia, which is where one eye is significantly weaker than the other. For the past 2 1/2 years we have been patching Katie's good eye on and off, in the hope of strengthening her weak eye. Each time we have patched for a period of time her eyesight improved, only to deteriorate during the months that it remained unpatched.

Two months ago, her eyes had weakened again and the Doctor, who is excellent as well as a family friend, told us that we may have to patch again but that they would strengthen her lenses in the meantime in hopes that it would be enough of a fix that she could avoid the patch. We returned almost a week ago and as we sat and observed the exam, my heart sank. I knew that her eyesight had weakened further. The doctor was quite concerned and he dilated her eyes just to make sure that he was seeing the whole picture. When you dilate a young child's eyes, it is very difficult to really get the kind of visualisation of the eye structure that you get with an adult, since they cannot hold the eye positions needed for very long during the examination.

Marc and I had gone to the exam together (in separate cars) since I had to get to work earlier than he did and he was planning to take her to camp straight from the exam. Once the exam went longer, I left to get to work asking him to call me the minute that the exam was complete. The minutes ticked by and all of the sudden it was well over an hour since we were together. I knew something was wrong...I just felt it...

When I finally heard Marc's voice my fears were confirmed. The doctor was able to view the periphery of the retina and found evidence as to why Katie is not getting better. Unfortunately, it was not an answer that we wanted to hear. There were flecks of material on the far sides of the retina; yellow in color. His concern is that it is a condition that falls under a group of eye diseases called Retinitis Pigmentosa, that will lead to loss of vision and ultimately for many...blindness.

Our doctor has referred us to the best eye institute in the country, which is in our own backyard here in South Florida. The doctor who will be overseeing her case is also considered to be one of the best retina specialists in the world. Katie will be given a test under general anesthesia called an ERG (Electroretinography), which is like an EKG for the eye. It will be a two day process that is already scheduled and it will take place about a month from now. You cannot imagine the process it was to get it done that quickly.

Needless to say....we are VERY upset! We are keeping it together for the kids sake but my anxiety level is through the roof. Every time I think of this child, who takes such delight in every thing that she sees around her, losing that ability.... well....all I can do is cry. Katie lights up the world around her and all I want right now is for her to continue to see the light. If the news is bad once the test is complete, we will do everything in our power to try to find a way to forestall this from happening to her. If we cannot...then we will deal with that too. I cannot believe that I am even journaling this. It is like a bad dream that we cannot wake ourselves from.

I am actually doing so for three reasons; to keep a record of this for Katie and ourselves and to help me to process it; which I do through my writing and also to implore upon all of you to get your children screened early. Sadly, we have no knowledge of Katie's background and heredity. Many of the eye diseases that come under this heading are passed along through the genes. There is no way that you can know where there may be a problem unless you screen for it.

Finally, I ask that you say a prayer of you pray and if you don't, then to send your positive thoughts for our daughter. This is one more bump in the road for her; albeit a huge one. We need all of the friendship and love right now that we can surround her with. She knows nothing about this now and we will talk to her just before the test to prepare her for that. If our fears are realized once we get the results...we will deal with that too. I just don't even want to go there yet.......

Our sweet baby is really struggling right now.

2010-07-26T21:56:00.004-04:00

While watching the "Big Bird Goes to China" DVD, Ethan decided to begin round two of questioning about his background. I have to tell you that I am pretty shocked that our happy go lucky little guy is the one that is looking for so much clarification at such a tender age.

I am not going to go into the whole conversation again but it started with some questions about being a baby in China and where he lived. That led us to him asking about the mommy who had him in her tummy. He was really quite probing during this line of questioning and he was very upset with this conversation. He was quite concerned about the fact that there was someone who brought him to the baby house (orphanage) and left him there. I explained it was because he was so ill and that they knew that he needed to make sure that he got the help that he needed and a family that would love him forever. He was really stuck on this and it made him feel so vulnerable. This just broke my heart. He then asked me if we would take him to a baby house and how long he would be with us. I explained that he would NEVER again be in a baby house and that he had a mommy, daddy, sister and brother forever! He wanted to know what would happen when he grew up and I told him that he would be a grown up like mommy and daddy and that he would probably have his own family...wrong answer! He was so upset by the fact that he may not always have us so I told him that he would always be with us as long as that is what HE wanted. He then kept hugging me and saying "I love you...Wo ai ni"...over and over and over. He had been listening to the "Wo ai ni" song in the movie, so I am sure that is why he was using the Chinese phrase for "I love you" during his admonition of love.

We held onto each other for a long time and then he pulled away and finished the movie. I was completely humbled by this little boy who is obviously dealing with some pre-verbal pain that he needs to address in his own way.

Tonight, again he started talking about the same subject at dinner but in much less detail. This discussion passed pretty quickly. It all seems to be just under the surface right now.

Finally, we put the DD to bed and we settled in for the night, once again Ethan came out to speak to us and he was in tears. He was crying about not having dessert tonight which he lost due to not eating his dinner. We spoke about why he did not get dessert and he still seemed very upset. I asked him what was really bothering him. Ethan never comes out like that and he almost always falls asleep within a few minutes of being tucked in. He sobbed that he always wants to live with us and that he really loves me and he is going to marry me. We told him that he was always going to be our son and that we are never going to leave him. He calmed down again. We talked for awhile about things that would lighten his mood and I tucked him back in.

The fact that he was 2 1/2 years old when he was adopted and 6 months old at abandonment certainly factors into the very real pain that he is dealing with. I think he has some vague memories as well as imprinted pain that he cannot really process. Katie may have dealt with a great deal of her pain the first year that she was home during a very tough attachment phase.

For now, we will just take it a day at a time and address the questions as simply and openly as possible. We are also open to asking for professional help if we see that his struggle is greater than we are equipped to handle. We will do whatever it takes to help him along this painful journey.

I know that I am probably rambling on but I wanted to document it quickly. Our day was a bit stressful for some other reasons but I needed to get this on the blog, which is the journal of our journey through this life together as a forever family.

Wow, the questions are coming fast and furious!

2010-07-20T23:05:00.004-04:00

Just when I thought I was safe for awhile from the tough questions..all of the sudden they came from an unexpected source...Ethan!

Being a boy and a bit behind Katie in terms of development, I did not expect any questions from our mischief man for awhile. I should have learned by now to never underestimate him and to expect the unexpected!

Tonight, Katie was watching some TV before bed and I was in my bedroom when suddenly Ethan came in to talk to me. He immediately launched into his own series of questions about babies....

"Mom, how small was I when I was a baby?" (he places his hand near his knees to show me the size he thinks he was)

"Very small Ethan...just like Ari." (our Godson who was just born)

"I don't remember being that little! How come I don't remember that?"

"Most people do not remember when they are that small sweetie."

"Was I little like Ari when you "dopted" me?" (His version of adopted)

Again with that same lump in my throat I replied "No baby, you were bigger than Ari." (Ethan was two and a half)

"You dopted Katie too when she was a baby?"

"Yes"

"Where was I when I was a baby?"

"In China"

"Were you there?"

"No E, you lived in a baby home (an orphanage) with many other babies who were waiting for their mommies and daddies."

"Where are the babies that lived in the baby home...are they dopted?" (OK, now the lump is about the size of an apple)

"Yes, many are home with their mommies and daddies" (Thinking not nearly enough of them)

"Do you know their names?"

"I don't know all of their names but I know some of their names and I know their mommies and daddies too."

"What are their names?"

"One of them is Cami and one of them is Julia. Ethan, do you remember living in the house with a lot of babies?"

"No."

At this point it is obvious that he does not want to go any further with this line of questioning as he starts to talk again about being as little as Ari and he giggles at the thought of being that small.

"Bye Mom." He leaves the room and me to gather myself and my thoughts.

My first thought was....never underestimate the mischief man.

Love you my sweet baby....one of my greatest wishes is that I could have held you in my arms from the minute that you were born....

Searching for answers

2010-07-16T17:34:00.006-04:00

I picked up Katie from camp first today and as we were driving to pick up Ethan the discussion of babies came up again. Initially, it focused on a set of twins that are in Katie's camp and the fact that they were in their mommy's tummy at the same time, as Katie pointed out to me. She then said that it "must have been pretty crowded in their mommy's tummy!" I agreed with her. She then added "It was not crowded in your tummy Mommy, since it was just me in there." I reminded her (with a lump in my throat) that she was not in my tummy...she was in another lady's tummy in China.

"Who is that lady mommy?"

"I am not sure Katie but I think she was a very wonderful lady since she was the one that gave you your life."

"Why didn't she want a baby, she must not have wanted a baby right mommy?? Why didn't she keep me?" She did not sound upset; she just sounded curious.

"Katie, things are much different in China than they are in the United States and for some reason that I do not know, she could not keep you."

"Why couldn't she keep a baby? Why are things different in China?"

"There are many reasons...life is very hard in some parts of China and it is very hard for some people to keep their babies."

"Why is it hard there?"

"It is hard because of many reasons. It is hard for people to be able to feed their children and buy clothes for them in addition to taking care of them properly. There are many reasons why it is hard but I know in my heart that she cared very much for you. She made sure that you were born and then she found a safe place to bring you to until we could come and get you. Then a wonderful foster family took care of you until Mommy, Daddy and Justin could come and get you. Remember I told you that Mommy and Daddy adopted you and we wanted you so much? We asked the officials in China if we could come and bring you home so that we could be a family forever. You and your brothers are our life and we held you in our hearts until you came home."

"Then you adopted Ethan and I came with you to get him....you love us so much!!"

"Oh yes, more than you can ever imagine...."

and then she changed to subject...she had enough for now; probably more than enough.

Another step on the road to realization.......sigh.....

Our Little Guy is a Whole Hand Today!

2010-07-06T22:02:00.002-04:00

Dear Ethan Frederick Zhiqing,

You are 5 years old today and so we have lots to celebrate! We celebrate the amazing boy you are and the fact that you are a part of our family; a very special part!

You are our third child and the child that completed our family. You are our treasured mischief man. The boy that has found a special place in the hearts of all who know you and most especially those who are able to call you family. All of us marvel at your strength, tenacity, humor, kindness and your beauty. Actually, we are all in awe of you and how far you have come in these first five years; especially since you had to fight so hard to survive your first two years of life. Fight you did though and your fight rewarded all of us with the love of this forever family that we cherish so much.

Thank you for fighting so hard!

We know that you will do amazing things in your life and in the lives of others. We look forward to every single day with you and as the years march by we will be here to celebrate every birthday with you and to see the gift of your bright future unfold.

Love forever and always,

Your family,
Mommy, Daddy, Katie, Justin and Judy
Nana, Papa and Grandma

Silly

2010-07-04T18:32:00.004-04:00

Bandz that is...if you have a child then you know what I am talking about. Those colorful and pliable bracelets shaped like anything that a marketer can dream of; from princesses to hippos and it seems everything in between. Sometimes it is a bit tricky to identify the shape but the kiddos seem to have lots of fun trying!

Katie and Ethan have suddenly been bitten by the silly bug. Katie seemed mildly interested over the last few months but now she really likes them and so when she scored a pack of princess ones and Ethan got a pack of T*y Story bandz from a dear friend, well let me just say that NOW they are REALLY into them.

Katie walked into our room with half of her mother load on one wrist and the other half on the other. She proudly displayed her bracelets to me. When I suggested that it seemed to be quite a bit to wear at one time (I know...way to sensible) she looked at me like I had two heads, sighed and left the room. Of course, that gave me a glimpse into the future that seems a bit too close for comfort.

Then to add insult to injury, the E man came in with all of his bandz on one wrist....
haute couture for sure.

For your viewing pleasure!

Oh and one more thing....I will do my best not to stay away so long again ;-)

10 Years of marriage to my soul mate

2010-06-03T23:13:00.004-04:00

Today has been 10 years since I became my beloved's and he became mine. What a wild ride it has been. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. We have been through all of these and everything in between. I am proud to say that we have withstood it all and always together. I am so thankful for this man that I get to share my life with; he is the perfect fit for me. We are Yin and Yang in the truest sense.

Who would have thought that we would add to our family of three and make it a family of five. Not me! In fact, when one of our wedding guests wished us the addition of children during our wedding video, we laughed ourselves silly while watching it. Pretty funny huh!?!

I would do it all again and the only regret that I have is that I did not meet Marc much sooner in my life. Thankfully, I have him now and I am so grateful for that fact. He is such a giving husband and father. He always has my back. He pretty much thinks the sun rises and falls on me and that makes me feel quite cherished. He is a hard worker and never complains. He is sweet, smart and funny. He is almost as funny as me! That is the running joke in our house...who is the funniest. Actually, I think it may be Katie but Marc comes in at a close second. He makes me laugh a huge amount and that is so big in this life. I think I can summarize the way that I feel about Marc in one sentence.

I totally love being alone with him!

I still love it just as much as when we first started dating....just me and him. Actually, just thinking about being alone with him brings a smile to my face. We don't get that luxury very often these days but when we do...I cherish it.

Happy 10th anniversary honey. I love you with all of my heart and soul! I am so looking forward to the celebration of our special day and spending it alone with YOU! Here is to the next 10 years and spending a lifetime of love and laughter together.

Rubber Ducky.....

2010-05-23T19:30:00.006-04:00

Your the one!

I Heart Faces photo challenge this week is "Yellow." As soon as I saw my mischief man nose to nose with his duck floaty while he was waiting to get in the pool I had to get "the shot." Wonder what he was thinking about? Probably the fun that he and Mr. Floaty Duck were about to have on a hot day in a nice cool pool.

Happy Summer!

You can check out all of the wonderful "Yellow" entries by clicking on this button.

Pride is not an adequate word to describe the way that I feel

2010-05-19T09:36:00.014-04:00

Justin graduated from law school this past weekend. What an amazing feeling it was! Being able to see your child finish his school career so successfully.....well, it was definitely up there as one of the most amazing moments of my life.

As parents we love, nurture, urge, motivate, empathize, teach, advocate, discipline and a host of other adverbs; all while hoping that a little luck mixes in with all of that loving nurture in order to see a day like this one.

I am proud of Justin for so many things. Graduating from law school is just one of them.

As I watched him at the party that we threw for him later that day. I saw once again the man that we raised. A man that made sure to speak at length to each guest and show his appreciation for sharing such a special day with him. As as Jew we use the Yiddish word Mensch to describe the person that Justin is; a person of integrity and honor. He is someone to admire and is truly a good person. He is already a good son, brother, husband and friend. I know that the future will add the titles of good father and trusted colleague to that list.

I am not sure that he truly understands my sense of pride in his accomplishments at this moment in time but I know that someday that if and when he is blessed with a child or children of his own, he will know.

I can sit back and breathe a sigh of contentment and relief. One child raised very well....two more to go ;-)

Two months until the bar exam. Justin began his 12 hours a day study sessions the day after he graduated. We know that he will pass it and do great things with his law degree. Of this, I have no doubt. Our son will make a difference in people's lives for the better. He has already done that with ours!

Being hooded with the degree of Juris Doctor

The Dean of the law school congratulating Justin and posing for a picture

He did it!!

My wonderful son

Family pic with my folks and my sister

Happy husband and wife

Relaxing and enjoying his friends at his graduation party

Posing for a pic with my dear friend Kira. When he was a little boy she used to babysit for him...WOW!

Justin, Judy and our wonderful in laws :)

I love you Justin; my number one son!

Not breathing too easily around here!

2010-04-30T21:54:00.005-04:00

Just a quick update to let you know what has been happening around the "Stress" household. I can tell you that what there has not been a lot of and that is "easy breathing!" Katie's asthma has been acting up and it has been a really tough week for her and for all that love her.

About ten days ago, she started in with the early signs of an asthma flare up and we immediately began the prescribed regimen of breathing treatments. It continued on in a very mild form for a couple of days until a week ago Friday evening when she had a severe attack overnight into Saturday morning which would not abate. Marc rushed her to the ER and for the next few hours I was a freaking mess while I waited for her at home as Ethan was sleeping, willing her to get the breathing under control which they did with a steroid shot. They sent sent her home with heavier meds. She was actually sent home on my birthday which we celebrated by the children giving me the gifts that they had lovingly chosen for me in the wee hours....it was so sweet.

At about the same time I contracted an upper respiratory infection; which over this past week was made worse by stress and lack of sleep, since Katie's asthma was not going anywhere fast. This past week has brought three more doctor appointments; two for her and one for me. Her meds have been changed again and we are hoping for the best tonight. Asthma is relentless at night. To complicate matters, I was diagnosed with walking Pneumonia after I realized that I was not breathing too easily either.

Thank goodness for the loving men here at "Stress", especially the older one, who as always is a pillar of strength and love. My amazing husband, who is such a beautiful father, actually took our daughter to school today since she has been begging to go all week and came back two hours later to give her a breathing treatment. This all so that she could stay and have lunch with her friends. I am so grateful to have a man like that.

Next week we have an appointment with a Pediatric Pulmonologist who we have heard is excellent and can hopefully help us better understand the triggers and how to control Katie's asthma.

It is horrible thing to watch your child not be able to catch her breathe. I pray that her suffering abates soon and she can once again enjoy her days and sleep all night.

So are mean girls a product of nature or nurture?

2010-04-23T19:02:00.008-04:00

This evening, Katie sadly recounted a tale to me that plays out everyday in every school around this country and probably the world....two girls excluding a third in a mean way. Katie was the odd man out this time and it was the first time that this has happened to her or I should say it was the first time that she expressed it to me.

What is it about girls and meanness? Do they have to go hand in hand? Of course I was once a young girl and I remember being in the same position. Both on the receiving end and to my own shame, I also remember excluding others in order to fit into a clique of girls. This is her first taste of what she will find to be the unfortunate rite of passage for most, if not all girls. Why must we be this mean? Friends tell me about their children's experiences, some of which are horrifying! These acts run the gamut from the childish one that my daughter just experienced, to the pointing out of physical differences, such as children pulling on the outside of their eyes to make them look like the eyes of my beautiful children, while yelling "chink, chink", all the way up to physical and mental torture of even greater lengths. One of my co-workers children just experienced extreme cyber bullying in the fifth grade. It was actually pulled off at this tender age in a pathological fashion to cover the crime. That is just crazy to me!

Are we pre-programmed as females to perpetrate these acts of hurt upon each other or are they a learned behavior passed down from mom to daughter, sister to sister or from older girl to younger girl? It may even be that girls overhear and see the mean words and acts that occur between and behind the backs of grown women. Adults have become overly loose about allowing children to hear "adult" talk and their children have become witness to their mean and petty behavior.

Why then, does it seem to be more prevalent within the ranks of girls? Boys are not quite as concerned as girls are about the "fitting in" equation is my guess. I think that goes to lack of self esteem that girls feel and that subject is much bigger than this forum, at least for now. It does seem though that girls are being raised to be clones of each other and not themselves...a huge problem.

Since the day that the children each came into our lives, I have made it my personal agenda to not speak of peoples differences to or in front of my children. I know for a fact that I have become more sensitive in this regard since we are raising two children of a different race than we are, thus making us a multi-racial family. I do not discuss weight or physical attributes in any way shape or form and yet, my daughter has asked me if she can remove her glasses before school since she would be "prettier" without them. I remind her how beautiful she is, both inside and out and that is she did not wear her glasses she could not see all of the wonderful people and surroundings in her life. She then put those glasses right back on her face. Why are children expressing these thoughts at the ages of 4 and 5? Am I out of touch or is this just as shocking to you as well?

Thankfully, Katie seemed to accept my remedy for the situation that she experienced. After telling me that her two girlfriends on the playground at school did not want to play with her and kept running away, I told her that if they chose not to play with her that it was their choice, although not a very good one. She should seek out children that DID want to play with her and I reminded her how many children in her class would fit that bill. My "beautiful on the inside and out" daughter smiled at me and said "I try to be nice to everyone and sometimes if I hurt someones feelings it is because I do not mean it and then I say I am sorry." My girl is not perfect just as her mama is not but beneath that sweet exterior is an even sweeter soul.
Courtesy of nature and nurture.

oh and one more thing...wouldn't the world be a lot better place if we all took Katie's advice and carried it out?

I refuse to raise a mean girl...how about you?

Black and White Wednesday - Angel Face

2010-04-21T09:08:00.002-04:00

Today is Black and White Wednesday over at my friend Lisa's blog and I thought of this picture to convert to black and white as it captures my sweet little "angel face" very well. She looks so happy and peaceful here. It is VERY uncommon to see her look any other way. She is the type of person who takes on the world each day with a huge smile that lights up her face. If Katie is cranky then I know something is wrong just as I did yesterday when her asthma blew up again. This morning she looks miserable and she is home for the day.

I love my little angel face and I just hate to see her or any of my children suffer.

Damn Asthma....leave my little girl alone!!!!!

The many faces of The Dynamic Duo

2010-04-18T21:52:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I walk around the house with my camera at in order to catch a moment that I do not want to forget. These were a few shots I took over the course of a day at home this past weekend. Being home for the day is as rare around here as the gloomy look that you will find in one of the pictures but as I always say, there has to be some rain to enjoy the sunshine! Enjoy a little rain and a lot of sunshine!

Contemplative

Peaceful

Grumpy

Meditative

Loving

Silly

Exhilerated

Happy

A Milestone!

2010-04-10T19:01:00.008-04:00

Today is my five year Blogoversary. What a great milestone! Thank you to Teena in Toronto for pointing it out to me. I was not even thinking about this anniversary until I got that reminder from Teena on my blackberry as we were leaving Katie's birthday party!

I started this blog on April 10, 2005, which was the month that our dossier was sent to China for Katie Starr. Little did I know that 3 days later, on the other side of the world, our baby was being born. Fate was being played out on two sides of the globe and the end result would change our lives in the best way possible. I hope that our precious Katie Starr Hong Shan feels the same way when she understands her story.

The name of my blog back then was "Journey of a Lifetime" and it truly was. Since then, the blog has morphed into so much more than a diary for a waiting mother; it is a diary our lives , a view into our life as a family and a much needed outlet for me.

Once Katie came home, the blog was renamed "Three and a Highchair" but the addition of Ethan soon changed that name into "Stress is the New Black."

So much has happened in that period of time, for us and for you! My adult son who gave me the present name for this blog (guess he thought I was a tad bit stressed!) has since graduated from The University of Florida, worked awhile, got engaged, married his beautiful wife and is about to graduate from Law School. His little sister Katie Starr has blossomed from a traumatized baby into a beautiful, bright and well adjusted five year old girl and their little brother Ethan is right there with her and continues to amaze us with his resilient personality and kind hearted nature.

We have been through great joy and as life will have it, also great sorrow and it is pretty much all chronicled here. It is a great place to reflect on where we have been and it gives us the clarity to see how we can continue to persevere.

The Blogisphere, which I am a proud member of, has brought me friendships from around the globe. Some of you I have had the honor to meet and sadly, many I have not. One thing is certain though, whether you blog yourself or read along and have never blogged, you are all an important part of this story. Hopefully, one that will continue on for many years to come.

If you want to take a look back at those first few posts in April of 2005 then please click here and enjoy the ride down memory lane. I sure did.

Siblings and Best Friends

2010-04-07T23:35:00.006-04:00

Back to work!

2010-04-06T21:38:00.004-04:00

When Ethan came home we immediately contacted both early intervention as well as a private occupational and speech therapists. Our biggest concern was that Ethan was not eating and he had severe oral aversion. His pediatrician labeled him as failure to thrive and at 2 1/2 years old and 17 pounds that label seemed to hit the nail on the head.

His first six months home, Ethan had speech, occupational and developmental therapies several times a week. He then transitioned into the Three and up program, which is an all day preschool based program housed in the Elementary school. It is speech and development intensive. A few months later his wonderful OT, Miss Roni discharged him with words of caution. She had taken him pretty much as far as she could at that stage of the game but there may be times in the future that he would need to see her or another OT again as issues warranted

Well, the time to go back seems to have come; we are back in OT again. We have noticed that his strength is not what it should be and it affects so much of his day to day life. It was obvious that we needed to have him assessed again. He has a strange and labored gait as he runs, his balance is very poor, he cannot throw a ball properly and he cannot hop on one foot among other deficiencies. The final straw was dropped this past weekend as we took the kids to a local field to ride bikes and they wanted to try to ride without their training wheels. Katie did great and Ethan....well, not so much. He could not even keep the bike up for a fraction of a second on his own. He is so tenacious though and he kept trying. We had to explain to him that we would work on strengthening his muscles so that he could do it too. Poor little guy looked so sad....

The bright side is that Miss Roni assessed him and she feels that she can help him build all of these skills pretty quickly. The other bright side is that I have been working for Miss Roni and her partner, Miss Sandra the speech therapist for about three months as their office manager, so I know what magic is worked in that clinic on a daily basis. She was also nice enough to provide these services as a benefit to me and not charge for them. I was so touched and grateful since money is still a concern.

When we first brought Ethan home, our biggest worry was his health and even his life. He was in such sad shape. Now we get to see him become a active participant in his own treatment. He has such a zest for life and we know that this will allow him to build his strength and his confidence very quickly. Roni has also suggested that some of his super mischievous behavior may be a coping technique that he has adapted to compensate for his not feeling a very strong sense of himself and his own power. We love his fun loving personality but know that helping him to tone it down will serve him well as he gets older.

Onward and Upward is the motto for the day! I will keep you updated on his progress.

Black and White Wednesday - Water Baby

2010-03-31T10:06:00.003-04:00

Here is our Starr shining so brightly in the water during a recent swim lesson. I like what the Black and White conversion does to this shot since there are so many variables between the water, the toys and our sweet girl. Hope Katie Starr's smile brings a smile to your face today too! :)

For more beautiful black and whites please go to The Long Road to China and check them all out!

I Heart Faces: " Dramatic Black and White" Challenge

2010-03-29T13:22:00.004-04:00

I am entering this photo into the I Heart Faces "Dramatic Black and White" photo challenge. The challenge has lots to do with post processing and the dramatic look and feel of a photo.

This photo was taken yesterday at my dear friend Kira's anniversary party. Here she is swinging our daughter around on the dance floor in happiness. Now that is my kind of drama! I blurred the background to make them stand out and then converted it to black and white. I really like the photo and the effect.

There are many other wonderful entries so click on the button below and check them out!

Mommy....why China?

2010-03-20T18:23:00.007-04:00

Today was our our dear friend Shannon's baby shower for our G-dson. Katie was invited along with me so that she too could be a part of this special day for this family that is very special to us.
It was a wonderful day and in addition, it seemed to have spurred on a new area of thought and conversation about babies and adoption.

Tonight at dinner the DD started talking about the impending birth of "Peanut" as he is affectionately known at this time. Katie started the conversation and then had to excuse herself from the table to use the bathroom. Ethan took that opportunity to go down the slippery slope of questioning as to how a baby is born. Before Katie came back to the table he asked how the baby came out of the mommy's tummy. I really do believe in honesty in all matters but with a few details for this tender age of four. I proceeded to tell him that the baby comes out of mommies bottom. (I did not need to get explicit as to which part it was as he did not ask) He did not seem convinced and began to laugh and tell me I was WRONG...."Mommy, the baby is going to come out of Aunty Shannon's mouth!" Silly me, how did I get that wrong?!?

Katie came back to the table and Ethan let the subject mercifully end. Just when I thought the coast was clear the following was heard from Katie.......

Mommy, why did you choose China of all the places in the whole world to come and get us?" My response came very naturally after years of thought on the subject. "That is where you and Ethan were living so that is where we needed to go to get you and bring you home." Then came the next bombshell out of my soon to be 5 year old's mouth.....

Mommy, there was another mommy that had me in her tummy in China and she put me in the orphanage and they told you to come get me!" Then Ethan launched into a similar version and added in that when he was a baby he had a hole in his heart as well. They both questioned me very specifically about why Ethan had a hole in his heart and who did the operation. Was the doctor from America or China and what was his/her name. Once I answered their questions with the little bit of information that I do have and let them know that they were correct about the birth parents that were not able to keep them, I ended the discussion by reaffirming our love and devotion to them and how lucky we all are to have each other....case closed for today....that was all my heart and probably theirs could take.

Marc and I have told the children from the the very beginning that they were adopted and that we came to China to bring them home. We have read them children's stories about it and have even given them a very simplified version of the fact that they had birth parents before we came to adopt them but that part always seemed completely lost on them. Well, we seem to have entered into a new realm with them and now the delicate dance of understanding begins to evolve slowly over the next several years.

As moved as I was and even somewhat dazed by the whole exchange, I was happy to find that I am at a place in my life and in this adoption experience where I felt very comfortable in the discussion with them. I was pleased that I did not get overly emotional and make them sad or uncomfortable. They do not yet understand the implications of all of this information but they seemed pretty solid in their understanding that Mommy and Daddy would go to the ends of the world for them and their big brother Justin and quite honestly for them......we literally did.

Weekend and Workshop Review

2010-03-08T09:05:00.006-05:00

This past weekend and photography workshop was so wonderful that I wanted to diary it immediately so that I could keep the memories for the future. The sieve that I call a brain is just not cutting it these days (smirk)! I posted a few photos on my previous post for you to view.

The weekend began a little early this past Thursday, right after work. After my wonderful son picked me up and dropped me of at the airport, I met my dear friend Grace and hopped a plane for The Country Music Capitol of the World - Nashville! STOP...NOT SO FAST....15 to 20 minutes after takeoff, the pilot's voice came over the speakers with a message that no passenger ever wants to hear.....

I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS..........

What?!? After I heard those words, my first emotion was confusion. Is this man joking? You know how S*outhWest Airlines is; they are notorious jokesters right?!? But nobody would joke tens of thousand of feet in the air about bad news and I was correct as he went on to explain that we had hit something on the way up and "it" was banging on the side of the plane. They needed to make an emergency landing in Orlando.

I am a "white knuckle" flyer of the first order. I really hate to fly but I do...I have never let it stop me, which is quite obvious since I traveled around the world twice to adopt two children but I totally abhor it. Panic was the first order of business for me and thankfully, I was next to my buddy Grace who was feeling a little upset herself but went into nurture mode when she saw my level of panic was higher than hers. We held hands and kinda huddled close together while she talked about a million other things that would take my mind off of what was happening. I love that woman. We had a bit of a lighthearted moment when the gentleman sitting on the other side of me looked over (while wearing headphones) and saw us holding hands and decided that he needed to know what was going on. Wonder what he was thinking?? I told him and he looked a little upset himself. He travels A LOT for business and he had never experienced this either. You know I had to ask him. The three of us became fast friends as we talked non stop on our decent. Of course, we landed safely and other than the fact that the pilot landed the plane so hot that I thought we were going to go skidding off the runway, we were the no worse for wear. Then, maintenance checked the plane and after determining that the bird strike did no real damage, sent us on our way. Of course, many people had now missed their late night connections and had to be put up in hotels. The free drinks were flowing to them and things got a LITTLE interesting to say the least. It was quite the show!

We got to Nashville and settled in. We had chosen, upon Michael Howard's recommendation, a lovely hotel close to the workshop that was perfect for the two of us. We enjoyed a late dinner and then went back to the room to try to chill before our first day of the workshop. After talking and laughing for quite awhile, Grace's brain knew that she was tired but my brain was not cooperating after all of the excitement of the evening, so it was a much later night for me and our wake up call came way too soon the next morning!

The first day of workshop started with a bang. After securing a much desired coffee for Grace and hot chocolate for me, we were off to the location. Of course, we did not know exactly where we were going so we walked in late and with a grand entrance as we normally do. We were told to sit with two women who were already ready and waiting to go. Rhiannon and Amber, our new table mates became fast friends. We all clicked immediately...it was great. After meeting Michael and having a little breakfast the session began. The discussion was about creative vision and I was able to take away many little gems from the session in order to find my path in this new field of study I have chosen. He also drove the point home about making sure that no matter what work that you do for pay, that it is important that you continue to pursue your private work in order to continue to feel the passion that we feel for this form of art. After lunch we were able to begin photographing a model with the use of available light and reflectors. Then it was on to a lesson on off camera flash. Once we were done with that, we split off with our group for candid photo shoots around the wonderful location that Michael had chosen for this workshop. There were so many photo ops there...it was awesome. We fed off of each other's energy and had a total blast with the shoot. We finished up our day with a Lightroom 2 demo and then broke for the evening with a homework assignment.

Famished, Grace and I went to dinner before attempting to begin our work. We shared good food and wonderful conversation and laughter. Then we headed back to our hotel for our assignment. We completed our assignment but it really was a miracle that we did because by this time we were uber silly and just about peeing our pants every other minute from laughing so hard. We did gather ourselves long enough to compile photos from the day for critique the next day....gulp!

The next day was awesome....there was more lecture and then we launched into critique which was so beneficial to us. We began to understand how to truly pull apart a photo and judge it objectively and then subjectively. Not only Michael critiqued them but we were part of it as well. The feedback was all taken in the light that it was given and was a true learning experience. Grace and I felt proud that we held our own during critique as we were the newest photographers there. We finished up with a discussion of the history of Photography and we learned so much there as well.

I must say that Michael Howard met and exceeded all of my expectations. This was his first workshop but he has such a vast breathe of experience as well as a true gift for this art form that he was able to impart to us. I would definitely take more workshops from this wonderful and kind gentleman. He gave me the gift of confidence in my talent. Thank you Michael!

I also received the gift of new friendship in Amber and Rhiannon. We have formed a bond of friendship, support and networking. I also received the special gift of sharing a this very special time with my dear friend Grace. We had such a blast and we "get" each other on so many levels. I have not laughed like that in a long time. I will never forget the last night of our trip just sitting in our room, going over photos, facebooking, sharing music that we liked, talking about our lives and laughing till we could not laugh anymore. Being away with her was just the best. We both missed our families but treasured the wonderful time in space that we shared together.

We even had the additional good fortune to meet with two very special people in my life through adoption. I met Diane and Laura online five years ago while we were waiting for Katie Starr's referral. We shared our last morning there with them and Diane's two daughters. It was like we had always known each other and just were catching up after being apart for a couple of days....what a joy! Adoption mama's are the best!!

Lastly, there was a woman photographer by the name of Julia Margaret Cameron, that Michael mentioned in his history lesson. Her career lasted a relatively short time (11 years) and it began at what was the ripe old age of 48 back in the 1800's. It was a very important and influential career. She had a lot to say and she said it through her photographic art.

48 is my age. I intend to make the coming years as meaningful with my photography as Julia did.

I know that this is a learning and growing time for me and that I will continue to do that in this and many areas in my life. I know that I will bring the joy of catching a moment in time to others and for myself, for as long as I live...that is what photography is to me.

A few pics to post from the workshop

2010-03-06T22:20:00.003-05:00

Here are a few photos that I took at the workshop this weekend. It was everything and more than I had anticipated. Michael Howard is very talented, inspiring and was able to give us all great critique and information that we could take home and use right away. In addition we met quite a few very nice people and two new special friends that we will stay in close contact with.

Photography is such a passion for me and to share it with people who share it is quite amazing.

The first two photos are with a professional model that Michael Howard brought in to the workshop.....

Here is my friend and photography partner, Grace in her Superwoman pose ;-)

Our new friend Amber who we did a photo shoot with.....look at those eyes.....

I call this Jailbird Grace

Hotel living.....

Grace doing her homework in the hotel hallway and me doing mine (smirk)....

So what do you think?

Photography Workshop

2010-03-06T15:56:00.001-05:00

I am in Nashville with my friend Grace at a photography workshop. We are learning, growing and having a blast! I promise to post all about it when we get home!

Talk to you soon!

Hilarious Outtake!

2010-03-02T19:22:00.004-05:00

This weeks photo challenge on I heart Faces is Hilarious Outtakes. It just so happens that last night when I was just about to take Katie's Four year referral anniversary photo I got my photo for this blog post as well.

I was taking a test shot to see if I was in the ball park with my settings. I was taking the photo in a low light situation and did not want to use the flash. When I looked at the photo I got an outtake that totally made me laugh out loud.

Sorry Katie!! Mommy is always in need of good blog posting material and the fact that there was a challenge involved....well.....again....sorry (smirk)

Check it out!

There is nothing like a good pick...just don't get caught!

Check out the other funny outtakes at I heart faces :)

Happy Fourth Referral Anniversary!!

2010-03-01T21:05:00.002-05:00

It has been four Years since the day that we found out who you were; Wu Hong Shan of Wuwei, Gansu Province, Peoples Republic of China. We did not get your picture for another agonizing 16 days but there was never a doubt that you were our daughter. The red thread of destiny brought us to you and you to us.......

We adore you Katie Starr Hongshan and we always will.

The Power of Communication

2010-02-26T22:31:00.005-05:00

This afternoon, when I was at work, I received a phone call from Ethan's school. Anytime I see that phone number my heart skips a beat but then I remembered that Ethan was already home with Marc and Katie. I answered the call to find it was the mischief man's teacher calling to make sure she followed through on a promise that she made to him earlier.

Today, the children were given granola bars that our son absolutely loved; so much in fact that he began to grill Miss Mary as to where she purchased them. She said he was absolutely adamant that she call me and tell me where I could find them in Publix (our local grocery store)! She told him which aisle that the bars could be found (the cereal aisle) and then she placed the call to me so she could tell me the brand and flavor. We laughed about our very funny little guy that has come so far; not only with his verbal skills but also with his desire for anything edible these days.

Our little boy, who basically interrogated his teacher about the granola bars, is the same child that suffered from such bad oral aversion just over two years ago that he would not eat any solids and was on a mixture of formula, Ensure and mushy cereal mixed in his bottle at the age of two and a half! He went through some intensive therapy for quite awhile after coming home and has turned into a pretty darn good eater. He does not willingly eat his veggies but there is not much else that he will not eat with great gusto and we use our powers of persuasion to get the veggies in too.

We finished up the conversation with Miss Mary, sharing a few more anecdotes about E. We then happily ended our conversation by sharing our joy over how far our little guy has come.

When I called home and told Marc the story he told me that Ethan had been telling him all about where to find the granola bars ever since he got home!

Of course, on the way home I stopped at Publix and scouted out the granola bars based on Miss Mary's description. When I arrived home and pulled them out of the bag, my sons happy response was proof positive that I listened to his teacher very well and Ethan's happy smile was my "A" for effort!

Black and White Wednesday - Bubbly Fun!

2010-02-24T08:50:00.003-05:00

I have been so guilty of putting my pictures of the DD on facebook and not on my blog...shame on me! These photos were put there a couple of weeks back and I thought it would be fun to see the bubbly fun in Black and White on my blog.

As you can see, bubbles are something our Dynamic Duo take seriously! Their tub has jacuzzi jets, so you can imagine the shrieks of happiness when we pour the bubbles in and turn those suckers on!

Check out Lisa's Blog where you can find her amazing black and white photos as well as other Bloggy participants of Black and White Wednesday.

Hands on Fun

2010-02-21T23:22:00.005-05:00

This week is "Hands on Fun" for the "I Heart Faces" photo challenge. I just took this photo over the weekend and it came to mind as soon as I saw what the challenge was. Ethan, our youngest little guy was riding his bike in the park and as I looked down at his hand and arm, (filled with stickers) as he held the handlebars, I could not help but to think that it kinda looked like the baby version of a biker with tattoos. Anyway, it really cracked me up and I hope it brings a smile to your face as well.

You can check out other wonderful photos at "I Heart Faces."

Enjoying a little family time

2010-02-20T23:19:00.004-05:00

It was a beautiful day in South Florida; absolutely perfect in every way. After I finished showing property this morning, we decided to take the DD to the park so that they could play and ride their bikes.

We had such a lovely time for 99% of visit, with the one blip on the radar being that that Katie almost drove her bike into the lake and only avoided it by falling down a steep embankment face first before hitting the water. You should have seen Marc and I running after her and were very grateful that we all did not end up in that water and that she did not get really hurt. She was a trooper and after crying for about 30 seconds, got right back up on that bike and began riding again after I suggested that she should do that. Ethan was still mulling the whole scene over tonight and actually came out to discuss it with us after he was supposed to be in bed, which never occurs with our champion sleeper.

Here are a few pics from the day. Happy Weekend!

Black and White Wednesday

2010-02-17T10:07:00.004-05:00

I am going to partake in this week's theme on Lisa's blog of Black and white Wednesday.

This particular picture was taken this past weekend on a very chilly South Florida Day (Isn't that an oxymoron?) at a U-Pickem Farm. Katie was looking up at one of the beautiful trees and I love the way that the light played on her hair. Katie has very light hair; it is actually dirty blonde. I know that seems odd for a person born in China and actually we got many questions from people all over China on both of our adoption trips asking where she was from?!? Too funny!

Our very beautiful girl is proud to be from China and her distinctive look proves that the people of China are as different looking as people from any country in the world. This global society has allowed our looks to blend and that is a beautiful thing.

Check out the other beautiful photos on the Lisa's Blog "The Long Road to China"

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-13T23:26:00.002-05:00

Look what came home for Valentines Day!

Seems that our girl likes a little bit of power

2010-02-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

Katie was voted President of her Preschool class today.

This bit of info was passed on by Katie's teacher when Marc picked her up from school. From what I can gather from my husband, who does not ask nearly enough questions for my liking, the teacher asked who wanted to run for President. Katie and her friend Marissa both raised their hands and placed their hats in the ring for the position. They had to tell the other children why they should be the one to be elected. Katie got up and told all of her classmates that if she was elected President, she would bring love and peace to the earth! (kinda sounds more like she wanted to be Miss America to me ;-) Then they had a secret vote carried out by each child whispering in the teachers ear who they wanted to vote for. Katie won!! Marissa was designated the assistant to the President...uh, I think that is the job of vice president, right?!?

Katie was quick to tell me that all of her friends that like playing with her on the playground voted for her and that now she was just like Barack Obama!

After the vote was over, it was time to parade through the school for Chinese New Year. How American is that...love it!

Katie was the line leader since she was President and her "D'sistant" walked behind her since she is the "D'sistant!" Katie harped on that point several times. It seems she liked that little bit of power.

Gosh, I hope the next command that I hear is not "Off with her head!" after I tell Madame President to got to bed.

Some Katie Cuteness to share

2010-02-11T22:33:00.004-05:00

Here are Katie's Preschool Pics; including her cap and gown graduation picture. These pictures make me smile every time I look at them.

We "Heart" Kisses

2010-02-08T23:47:00.003-05:00

This is my submission for the We "Heart" Kisses photo challenge on the I "Heart" Faces Blog. This photo was actually taken before I started taking photography lessons, so it is taken in Auto mode and was not necessarily composed that well but I love it anyway.

This is a pic of my sister Jane and my baby boy kissing. Since the moment that my sister set eyes on Ethan for the first time, she has had a major "thing" for him...she is a total softy when it comes to our boy. There is no real reason why....it could be his soulful look or those pouty lips or even his amazing zest for life. Whatever it is, I think you can see their connection in this shot.

Jane loves her some Ethan and our mischief man loves him some Aunty Jane. There is no way to miss that by looking at this picture.

For some other great kissing photos, please take a look at I "Heart" Faces.

Baby Talk

2010-02-01T20:54:00.004-05:00

Tonight, Katie Starr came into our bedroom where I was laying down for a bit after work. She was holding the baby doll that we got her for Hanukkah that she named Hong Shan (Shan Shan for short). She laid down next to me and me and started talking about Shan Shan; how much she loves her, loves taking care of her, how sweet she is and cute she is....

Then she launchd into conversation about the fact that she (Katie) is going to have 3 babies. I asked her what their names will be and she quite assuredly told me..Hong Shan, Christy and Starr. OK, I get Hong Shan and Starr but Christy.....huh? She went on to tell me that she is going to have them in her tummy. This has been a big topic of conversation since my dear friend Shannon is pregnant as well as Katie seeing a couple of expectant mama's carrying what she calls "watermelons" in their tummies at her preschool. She then said that they would be in her tummy for 3 weeks and then they would come out. I told her that babies are in tummies longer than 3 weeks, rather more like 9 months and she looked a little astounded at that fact. I decided to throw in a little adoption talk in for more foundation building and told her that she could always adopt a baby just like she was adopted. The baby would not live in her tummy but would live in her heart. Of course, I quickly clarified that the baby would not be actually "In" her heart but that her heart and her mind would be full of love and yearning for her baby just like Mommy and Daddy's was full of love and yearning for her and Ethan. She gave me a huge smile and just like that...conversation over.

Another seed planted, fertilized and waiting for our girl to grow and begin the process of understanding.

2010-01-29T19:36:00.002-05:00

Ethan's teacher reported to us today that our mischief man was on the playground and ran up to one of the teachers to tell her something. That something was "I like girls!" and then ran off to play again. As big of a flirt as he is, there was never any doubt about that.

Then his teacher wrote. "Your son is quite a character!" Yup! :)

A Beautiful Act of Kindness

2010-01-25T23:00:00.005-05:00

We hit the jackpot when our son Justin met Judy. Not only were we graced with an amazing daughter in law but we had the added good fortune to have her wonderful family joined with ours.

There are not enough superlatives in the English language to describe Judy's parents, Elsa and Florencio as well as her sister Joyce. Suffice it to say that they are family in the best sense of that word.

As an example of what special people that they are, let me offer up the following example:

Late last week, Judy called me and told me that her parents were bringing over a large plant for our front garden on Saturday and she wanted to make sure that I would be home when they got there. I assured her that I would be as I was working from home that day. Saturday morning came and I hear our little Gabby barking her head off. I looked out the front window to find a truck backing up into our front yard and out from the truck pops our new in laws.

You see, Florencio owns a landscaping business and they decided that they were going to surprise us with about 35 plants and small trees and then completely re-landscape our front garden, which was in bad need of a face lift. Well, to say we were blown away by this beautiful act of generosity and kindness is to completely understate how we felt. You could have knocked us over with a feather.

Then, this wonderful couple went to work for the next 4 hours or so and planted, pruned and fertilized our new garden with the help of Katie and Ethan as the fertilizing assistants.

Thank you never seems sufficient when we are graced by such sweetness but since there is not a better way to express it...again, we want to saw thank you Elsa and Florencio! We appreciate you more than you know and love you all very much. We will do our best to nurture the garden as we also nurture our family relationship.

Here are a couple of pics that I took when I picked up my jaw off the floor. I only caught Katie in the act of helping spread the fertilizer with her little canister. They had such a blast helping.

Giving Ethan a run for his money in the mischief department

2010-01-25T19:57:00.004-05:00

Katie brought me her Fisher Price camera as the memory was full and she could not take any more pictures or video (Like mother - like daughter.) In case you have never seen one of these kid camera's, it is a real digital camera that takes stills and video. It is very kid friendly and basically indestructible, which is a real plus with the preschool set.

When Katie handed it to me I began deleting pictures and video off of the memory so that she would be back in business. As I did this, I was looking at the pictures one by one, before I actually deleted them. I come across a picture of her standing on top of the very thin headboard rail of Ethan's toddler bed posing for a picture and obviously, Ethan took the pic!! In the picture she looked quite pleased with herself as she was mere inches away from the ceiling and balancing precariously on that one inch rail. I asked her about the pic and she said "Uh Oh, that couldn't have been me!!"

Me thinks the evidence proves otherwise!! What do you think?

Maybe this member of the Dynamic Duo is more mischievous than I gave her credit for.

Dr. Mischief

2010-01-24T21:22:00.006-05:00

Katie is very under the weather tonight. The change in weather has exacerbated a slight cold into an all out asthma attack. In addition, she is now running a fever and has the stomach issues that normally accompany that condition. Dinner became a bit unappetizing when that complication set in...oy!

We have been trying to keep one half of the dynamic duo quiet and the other half has been really sweet and comforting. The first picture was of E hanging out by KS on the couch, while our fur baby hung out as well to lend a comforting paw.

Later, Katie was lying on the bed next to me relaxing while I was downloading some pics off of my camera when E walked in to "check" Katie out himself. I grabbed my camera and caught the next minute or two...so sweet.

Hopefully, our sweet girl will be on the road to recovery soon. This winter has been really tough with her asthma related illnesses so far. She really deserves a break from all of it and we could use one too.

Sweet and Sassy - Our Katie Starr

2010-01-22T18:28:00.003-05:00

Seeking help for our sweet girl

2010-01-15T22:03:00.003-05:00

I have always been a big believer in seeking assistance for myself or my children when I either do not have the answers or the tools to deal with life's interesting twists and turns. With that said, we have made the decision to speak to a therapist about Katie.

Katie has been struggling mightily since her grandfather passed away this past September during the time when her father was so ill and then operated on shortly after his own father's death. Since that tumultuous time in our lives, Katie has struggled with sadness and a bit of anxiety as it relates to illness and potential loss of any of her loved ones. When one of us is ill (and even has the slightest complaint) she is hyper-vigilant in her level of concern and worry. She will ask continuously whether we are OK or are feeling better. In addition, when Grandma is around, Katie will bring up how much she misses Grandpa and then let out a long and very sad wail. She will even bring him up out of the blue and then respond the same way. She is becoming a bit more obsessed with controlling her surroundings and I do not want it to lead to OCD which is as painful to watch as it is to live.

I know in my heart that she is more vulnerable than most due to her early losses and her three sets of caregivers in her first year of life, culminating with being adopted in her sleep and waking up in a strangers (us) hotel room. What a nightmare for any child!! I feel that she does not feel completely safe that the bottom will not drop out again. I hate to see her suffering this way so we contacted a child psychologist that we met when she spoke to our FCC Chapter about psychological implications, as they regard to adopted children.

Adding some complication to all this is that I have gone back to work outside of the home 30 hours per week and this past week has been very tough on her. She asks her daddy for me dozens of times a day while I am gone and is very needy right now. She is not sleeping well and has been waking us up nightly crying in her sleep about missing mommy and where is mommy??

I have had one session with the therapist and to sum it up, she feels that this past year of business closure, Marc's illness and Al's death has been just about as traumatic in some ways as Katie's first year. No matter how much that we tried to shield the children from the worry and pain, there was really no way that they would not feel the vibes. The therapist says that children key into these emotions like animals. They do not need to hear anything to know that something is very wrong. She has given me some tools to deal with it and would like to see us a couple of more times to see how Katie relates to me and then to me and Marc to determine her level of good attachment.

Nature vs Nurture comes into play with our children in such a big way. Ethan had a very difficult time of it as well, being so ill and neglected for the first two and a half years of his life. Somehow though, he is much more able to let things roll of his back. He is quite resilient. Katie's personality is much more complex and it really is WHO SHE IS. She can think through any new situation ad nauseum and it only serves to be more painful for her. I really do not think that aspect of her personality has much to do with her nurture. I think this may be her, so we will have to help her work through issues in as painless a way as possible.

I am happy that we are being proactive with this so that we can give Katie the best chance possible to live in a more peaceful state. I know that we do alot "RIGHT" at home but I also know that there is no way that we can really understand the feelings that live inside our daughter's sweet head and heart. This really hurts us so much. She is such a wonderful, loving, empathetic, smart and beautiful child. I hope to be able to add peaceful to that list of superlatives soon.

A beautiful wedding weekend

2010-01-07T10:16:00.018-05:00

Sorry it took me so long to post but it was a whirlwind of a weekend and I have been trying to catch up ever since. I have even started a 30 hour a week job in addition to selling Real Estate so now you know where I have been.

Happiness was the theme of the wedding weekend and I still tear up when I think about all of the joy that we experienced watching our son marry the love of his life. I have never seen him happier...never! That does this mama's heart good!

The emotion was immense for me and unforgettable.

After all of the emotion we partied like it was 1999! Such fun!

I will post a few pics and then I will post more as they trickle in.

Also, the professional photographer put up some teaser photos on her blog that you can check out here!

Katie getting primped before taking on her duty as flower girl.

Nana helping her get ready.

My sister, my BIL Steve and my awesome nephew Sam!

Sis with the mischief man, all decked out in his tux to be the ring bearer

The DD like a mini bride and groom

I walked Justin down the aisle...as you can well imagine it was difficult not to break out in the ugly cry

Here is the New Mr and Mrs....so in love!

Our pic with all of the grandparents

Judy and her beautiful family

All of my children

My family

Beautiful picture of my parents and my sister and family

Monogram backdrop to the mother/son dance

awwwww!

Our dear friends Shannon and Al...Peanut is coming :)

Cutting the cake

More to come soon!

This new chapter brings 25 plus years rushing back

2009-12-31T19:33:00.003-05:00

As we embark upon this new year, which is always a time for reflection, I have much more to reflect upon than ever before as my son prepares to be married this coming Saturday. To say that the years rushed by in the blink of an eye does not even do the passing of time justice. I sit here with tears stinging my eyes as I think of the newborn, the baby, the toddler, the boy, the adolescent and now the man that my Justin has become.

My dreams for him are all being realized. He is moving through this life in a way that would make any mother proud. He is a good person, loving, kind, hysterically funny, hard working and now all of those wonderful qualities are going to be appreciated by a loving wife. Judy is bright, beautiful and loves Justin as fiercely as he loves her. No mother could or should ask for more.

I cannot say that it has all been smooth sailing. I would not be doing the man justice if I told you that falsehood. Thankfully though, with each mistake came an opportunity to learn and my boy has always been bright enough to learn his lessons well the first time. Because he has learned lots of lessons early, he has set himself up for success and happiness during this time and beyond.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention that even though my dreams are being realized that there have been growing pains experienced as the mother of a grown child while still mothering the DD. Navigating the "letting go" process has been painful in some ways and exhilerating in others. I have found it to be the most challanging part of parenting so far. It is not an easy thing to watch as your son chooses a woman to spend his the rest of his life with and no longer needs his mother in the same way. This natural process has been a bit hard for me. Justin has a new number one woman in his life and that is as it should be. However, that does not mean that it was not without some uncomfortable moments along the way. When my four year old children look at me it is with blind and unadulterated adoration. A grown son looks at his wife in that way. There are lots of years and time to come to grips with the changes but there still is a learning curve...especially for someone as emotional as I am.

The beautiful thing is that Justin and I are both communicators. When we are on the brink of a new challenge, we suck it up and discuss it. When we let our emotions get the best of us, we never allow the chasm to widen and silence to intervene. We have been able to come to our new "normal" and appreciate all that it brings. What it has brought to me is a wonderful daughter in law as well as a beautiful new family to expand our horizons and bring more fun and laughter to our happy home.

Justin, I want to the world to know how proud I am of you; not just because you are truly a good citizen and wonderful man but because you have chosen an amazing woman to journey through this life with. I could not be any happier for you than I am. Marc is as well but this blog is my personal voice and I want you to hear it loud and clear from your mama.

May you know joy beyond human measure, may you live your life to it's fullest potential, may you always be loyal and true and above all, may you put your wife first, last and always. If you do all of this....your life will be all that I had dreamt for you but more importantly, what you have dreamt for yourself.

I love you.
Mom

PS I have shared this before but I think it is worth sharing again.

See Marc, I told you I was the funniest!

2009-12-28T19:21:00.006-05:00

Conversation heard in car today between the DD.

"Ethan, you know who is the funniest person in our house...Mommy is the funniest, then comes Daddy and then comes me. Ethan, you are not funny at all but I still love you!"

"Thank you Katie."

"You are welcome Ethan."

Helping our children come to terms with life's hardest lessons

2009-12-26T22:00:00.010-05:00

Katie Starr is a most sensitive soul and lately her sensitivity is being fully felt in the area of losing her grandfather and the illness that preceded his death.

After Big Al passed away back in September, we chose what we felt was the best time (if there is such a thing) to discuss his death in the simplest of terms with them. I wrote about it on the blog in this post. Ethan was not developmentally able to grasp the concept at all, which I was grateful for at the time, as four is quite a young age to process it. Katie, who is also four but emotionally older, was able to process it just enough to begin to dwell on it and try to figure it all out. You could tell she was quite perplexed that she would not be able to see Grandpa, other than in pictures or in memories or her dreams but she seemed satisfied at the time with our answers to her questions.

That did not last very long....

She speaks about him quite often and when she does, she always tells us that she misses him and cries a bit. Each time she brings him up we reinforce the seeds that have already been sewn and she seems to understand a bit more, although she is still going through her own grieving process. When she sees Grandma she always tells her how much she misses Grandpa and goes through the same process. It is so hard to see her so sad but I know that it is her way of making it more concrete.

Katie is so vulnerable to loss. She has had too much of it in her short life; more than anyone should ever have to deal with. She and actually both of her brothers have had losses of one or both of their biological parents and even Justin's dad is not available to him in any real sense and has not been for a very long time. I know that all of my children struggle with the fallout from this and it manifests in different ways. With Katie, who lost both her bio parents as well as her foster parents, the pain was quite raw for a very long time. She has a real fear of abandonment and loss. When one of us is sick she literally becomes physically upset by it. When her grandparents leave after a visit she is always saddened by it.

Last evening, just before our holiday dinner, I was talking while eating and the food went down the wrong pipe. This is never good but because I am getting over a bout with Bronchitis, I really struggled for breath and once I caught it, I ran coughing and gagging to the bathroom while Justin, my mom and Judy ran after me to make sure I was OK. This episode went on for about 10 minutes and while it was happening, both Katie and Ethan were VERY upset. Katie was really more than just upset, she was just about inconsolable and clung to me for the rest of the evening as she kept reminding me how upset she was and that she "gets so scared when Mommy is sick."

I am glad that she is able to verbalize her fear although I believe it this fear of illness begins with the fear that any of her loved ones will leave her again.

Katie has always been a "thinker." It makes life a bit more trying for her as she mulls things over and over. I knew she was this way from the first days we became her parents back in China. She grieved so much harder and so much longer than any of the children in our travel group. The entire group worried about her and it last for months after we came home. You can see the her little mind trying to come to terms with her loss in this photo taken in China. She takes nothing lightly and I feel in my heart that she will have the hardest time coming to terms with why she lost her biological parents. She is much like Justin in this way. Ethan is a "doer" and even though he is quite bright, he does not dwell on things and he does not suffer in the same way. I may be proven wrong but this is how I see it all playing out.

I will see how it unfolds with her as we try to use these moments to comfort her as much as we can. She is really such a happy and resilient child. I know in time that she will be able to process this in her own way and I pray that she begins to feel secure that our family will not be going anywhere...that we are here to stay...for her and for her brothers....forever.

Update:
Of course, the fact that Marc was seriously ill for several months during the time his dad was so ill and hospitalized twice as well as being on IV antibiotics for 6 weeks here at home has probably heightened the response as well. Thanks to Corinne for reminding me of that. Hard to believe that I have already put that period of our life so far behind me that I forgot that it is part of the issue that we are still living.

The gift of good manners

2009-12-21T20:50:00.006-05:00

I have been pondering what is one of my biggest pet peeves lately and I was wondering what others thoughts were on the subject that is the focus of my pondering. The peeve is the minuscule number of parents teaching their children the social graces. By no means, do I think that a preschooler should have the ability to hold their own in a lengthy conversation at a party but it has become painfully apparent that there is a breakdown in parenting when it comes to the instruction of greetings when meeting adults in addition to other appropriate polite salutations and responses. "Hello Mrs Smith or Hello Mrs Lori" is how I have my children address adults but I know way too many parents that do not instruct their children to even say hello to the adults and other children that they are meeting, let alone instruct them in giving a proper greeting. Sometimes I will observe a parent instructing the child to say "Hello" and when the child does not, just ignores the opportunity for a teachable moment and moves along in their own conversation.

How about parents helping their children to assist other children when joining in a group or activity such as "Katie, please say hello to Jane and after you do so can you please introduce her to Ethan?"

Greeting and manners such as good morning, please, thank you, excuse me, may I, may I please be excused, etc. seem to have been abandoned by so many and I really think it is just one more symptom of the breakdown of polite society. I see more and more children, much older than my two four year old's that do have this type of training at all. They brush past you as if you do not even merit their attention. It is unbelievable to me! What does being a parent really mean to people? Are we not supposed to be our childrens first and most important teachers?

I take that responsibility seriously as did my parents, who I feel taught my sister and I very well. It has served us both throughout our lives. We are both able to handle any business or social situation gracefully. My sister and I have passed this on to Justin and his cousin Sam already and I am teaching my little ones now. When they see people that we know they always say "Hello" politely without even being asked and when we meet new people I prompt them in the greetings already discussed, if they do not initiate themselves.

So, what are your thoughts on this subject? While you are pondering that one I will "Thank you" in advance for giving me those thoughts :)

Hanukkah Blessings

2009-12-16T20:35:00.004-05:00

Hanukkah has been wonderful this year. Obviously, the first thing that I am thankful for is that I have a healthy husband to share it all with. Marc's heart and health is completely back to normal and it makes my own heart sing.

This is the first year that the kids "REALLY" get it! They are beginning to understand the basis of the holiday and what the meaning of the holiday is. Of course, the gift giving has not been lost on them either.

One of the highlights of the holiday would have to be the party that we held here at the house this past weekend for 14 of the DD's friends and their parents. We served delicious food, played fun games with the children, did crafts and had a gift exchange, which was a big hit!

Another big highlight was gift giving each evening with the DD. Tonight was night 6 and it was a very special night; one that memories are made of.

After the candles were lit and it was time to give a gift to each child, I realized that I had one extra gift for each, so we decided to give them two tonight....well, that set off waves of excitement!

The first gift for Katie was an American Girl "Asian Bitty Baby" with a layette. I have actually had this gift for about 18 months but held back from giving it to her for two reasons; I wanted her to be mature enough to take care of it and second, I thought that Ethan would end up wanting to play with it too because when he first came home from China he wanted every doll that Katie had. I actually held it so long that I second guessed myself and thought that she was now too old for it. Well, was I wrong about that! She absolutely adores it and I think it will be one of her fav toys for quite some time. She named it Hong Shan, which is her Chinese name and Hong Shan is now sleeping soundly with Katie Starr Hong Shan.

Ethan got a Huge Tonka Crane....boy oh boy, did he love that!! This is the third vehicle or piece of heavy machinery that he has received for Hanukkah and he is just loving all of them.

The other two gifts were equally well received; Katie got dress up princess shoes and Ethan got a fun pre-school game called Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. We all played a few rounds of the game and had a lot of fun! I highly recommend it for this age group.

The icing on the cake came after those second gifts were given. Katie Starr turned to me with the most beautiful and sincere look and said "Mommy, thank you and Daddy for giving us all of these wonderful presents.

There is very little in life that is more gratifying than to have an appreciative child. That is a virtue that we model for them every day and I am very proud to say that we have not one but three appreciative children.

Here are a few cute photos from night 6 of Hanukkah...

and one last thing to add that we all are appreciative for and that is Nana. My mom and all of the grandparents adore our children; all of them. Here we are celebrating my mom's birthday yesterday. The whole motley crew was together but with all of the fun and frivolity, I just got a couple of shots of her and as well as my goofballs. Love them all!!

My mind cannot even go to that dark place

2009-12-12T22:35:00.005-05:00

My friend Kira called me today, totally upset and beside herself with what she had just witnessed. After hearing the following scary tale, I decided that it was an important story to share.

Kira was at a local Wal M*rt and was standing in line waiting to return an item that she had purchased. All of the sudden, she saw a little girl that she estimated to be no older than 3 years old; lost and crying. An employee was called to the scene and began to make attempts to call the mom or guardian to the front of the store via the intercom system. This went on and on for some 15 to 20 minutes and of course the child was very scared and upset. At this point an older man walked up and claimed to be the little girl's grandfather. The child seemed to not know him and when he tried to call her to him, she did not want to go. The employee refused to let the man take the girl with him as she had no way to know that she was really her grandfather, as he was claiming. At this point the mother finally walked up and the child went running to her immediately. This woman did not seem the least bit frantic or upset that her daughter had been missing for all of that time. She just basically wanted to take her child with her and move on after confirming that there was no grandfather with them....not so fast! While this was happening the man slipped away. Other employees were sent to look for him and the police were called, both to try to locate this man and to determine the fitness of the mother.

How horrifying is that!! This man, if left to his own evil agenda, would have taken this little girl and I do not even want to think of the outcome!! The mother, in my opinion, was more than just negligent, she was complicit in the unknown outcome. I pray that their situation is carefully scrutinized!

All of the people that were standing by were horribly upset. Kira said it was a terrible scene that she will never forget.

Thank G-d that this innocent being was kept safe. This man was laying in wait for the right opportunity and he almost found it. If this child had been one that willingly went with people that she did not know......well, the thought of that is mind boggling and tears sting my eyes at the thought of it.

I know that you all understand why I am sharing this and will continue to take the steps necessary to protect your child(ren) as well as any precious and innocent child in your care that cannot protect themselves. Their well being and even their lives depend on it.