I need to wrap my guy in bubble wrap

Sounds like this is gonna be a little kinky but alas there is no kink involved here whatsoever....Drats!! OK, I digress but hey, like I said to my friend Monica, who I was speaking to earlier today, at least we have our humor!

Last evening, we were going to hang with a couple of friends that were in town visiting for the week. Marc went into the closet to pick out a pair of slacks, bent down to the bottom rack where he keeps them and ***BOINK!!*** he pokes his eye on a hanger and yells out in pain. He then yelled out to me that he hurt his eye...and he was in quite a bit of pain! We moved into fast forward as it was just 5:00 and we knew that the eye doctor's office would be closed soon, if it was not already. Marc called and left a message at the office and then put all of our plans on hold. Minutes later the Doctor called and said that if the pain was excruciating, then we should go to the emergency room and if not then she would see him at 7:30 am the next day. Marc's pain had subsided by this time and we made the decision that the ER was not the place that anyone in his physical condition wants to be, especially when he is this close to open heart surgery.

It all worked out fine...we waited, our friends came for their visit and then Marc went to the Doctor this morning. He did indeed have a corneal abrasion but it was already healing well and that nothing needed to be done...whew!! We were glad that he had it checked out and ruled out something worse. See what I mean about wrapping my man up in bubble wrap!!

I am really on a heightened state of worry when it comes to Marc. I find myself constantly monitoring his eating, fluid intake, sleeping and general well being. He is much more tired than he has ever been and I am basically counting the days until his surgery...there are 12 left to be exact.

Marc is my life, along with my children and I find myself tearing up quite a bit as I think of anything more serious happening to him. The death of his father almost three weeks ago has cast a sadness over him that I see every day, even though he does not show it to the outside world. I know him so well, really as well as I know myself. His sadness is revealed when we speak of Big Al, when we are doing something relaxing like watching TV and I see him staring into space, when he sleeps and I can hear it in his dreams and feel it in his restlessness.

Oh, I just want to protect him from anymore hurt, pain or sadness and please oh please, put this phase behind us, once and for all.

Body Talk with the DD

After getting out of the pool this morning, I showered the DD and then I showered. When I got out of the shower the two of them were waiting for me.

Katie: "Wow Mommy, your boobies are really wobbly!"

Me: "Thanks honey!" *SNORT* I don't remember Justin saying that, but of course it was over 20 years ago!

Ethan: "Yeah, they are wobbly!" as he laughs hysterically!

Well, these wobbly boobies of mine really can't be too bad because the next thing I heard was...

Katie: "Well, I sure don't want a Penis but I want boobies just like yours!...When am I going to get them?"

Me: "Not for a long time honey, you have to be a really big girl to get them."

She looked really disappointed to hear that news and I was really happy to hear that as wobbly as my boobies seem to be, that she still wants them.

Thanks Katie Starr, you made your old Mama's day!

It was just a matter of time...

before the mischief man got put onto red in Preschool. Green is color for good behavior, yellow is caution and red is BAD. He skipped yellow entirely and went right to RED. I don't have the full story but the gist of it was that today during a rain storm, the teacher told all of the children to stay put under a protective covering until they could get back to the classroom. Evidently, Ethan decided that he wanted to venture out into the rain. The teacher warned him several times not to venture out as she could tell he was heading that way. Well, he did anyway and got soaked at school....not good :( She was not happy with him at all! The teacher keeps a communication folder for us that she writes in every day as to his daily activities and whether there were issues or not. Ethan will usually tell me as he gets off the bus and before I can open the folder if there was an issue, which usually has to do with his eating. This time, he said nothing and when I asked him about it he looked sad to tell me that he was on RED. I reinforced Miss Mary's position and placed him in an additional 4 minute (one minute for each year of his age) time out. I am all about reinforcing the teacher.

I hate to say it but I have been quite surprised that E has not been put onto RED before. Miss Mary has up to now, not really witnessed much of the Ethan that we know and love; the one that pushes the limits A LOT and usually looking at you full in the face with a smirk while he is doing it. Hopefully, this is the last that she will see this year of our adorable little son that has the angelic smile and the horns growing out of his head. Boy oh boy!

We told the children....

Today was the day that we undertook the all important and somber task of telling the DD that their Grandpa had passed away. It has been one week; a week filled with chaotic activity, appointments, arrangements, a day away out of town for Marc's surgical consult and finally culminating with the funeral and sitting shiva. Marc and I both thought it best to wait until the smoke cleared so to speak and things were a little more settled to explain the death of Big Al to them.

I know both of my little ones very well as well as their individual levels of understanding. Katie is every bit of her four years and then some in her emotional/intellectual development and Ethan is not yet four in terms of this type of discussion. I knew that if we gave them both a small glimpse that Katie would ask some questions; as much as she needed and that Ethan would probably not and I was correct.

We started out by talking a bit about Grandma and Grandpa's dog, Truffle who had passed away about a year ago. We had never really broached the "D" word about Truffle at the time of her death and had just said that she was sick and was in the doggie hospital. They had asked a few times about her and we kept that story up. I was really wishing now that we had dealt with that one a while back as it would have been a building block towards this more painful realization. We held our breathe for a sec before telling them that just like Truffle had been sick and in the hospital that they knew that Grandpa was as well. Truffle was a VERY VERY OLD dog and Grandpa was a VERY VERY OLD man and they both were worn out, kind of like an old car or shoe. (Everything that I read for this age told you to emphasize both OLD and WORN so that the children would not be scared that they would lose their own parents or that they themselves would die. Also, NEVER mention that the deceased went to sleep and did not wake up...that one is an obvious way to scare the living daylights out of them.) That when any living being gets VERY old and their parts get worn out that they pass away or die. We told them that we would not see them anymore but that we would always have Grandpa and Truffle in our minds and in our hearts. We would be able to remember the love that we shared and all of the happy and fun times as well. This way we could always think of him and remember him when we wanted to.

The conversation went completely over Ethan's head and he proceeded to ask me a question about something totally unrelated. Katie, on the other hand wanted to know again if we would get to see Grandpa again. I reiterated that we would not see him in the way that we always had but that we could think of him and all of the happy times that we had with him anytime that we wanted to. Marc and I explained that we would all miss Grandpa but that as much as we missed him, that Grandma would miss him the most as they had been together so very long. At that point Katie said that she wanted to give ALL of her Barbies to Grandma so that they could keep her company. I asked her about Ken and she said no, that would not be a good idea as Ken has no pants and we cannot find them. Mature and generous beyond her years and simply innocent all at the same time.

At that point she basically looked a little sad and perplexed but decided to change the subject. The info offered was obviously enough, so the conversation was ended.

My friend Shannon, as well as the director of Katie's preschool, have offered me a book to read to them that helps in the understanding for this level. The book (The Fall of Freddie the Leaf) uses the metaphor of the annual changes in leaves on a tree to help explain the different phases of life.

Although the leaves die each year, they are part of the tree which lives on, although even it has a finite life. the book discusses the interconnecedness of life and death. however, it does not take a stand on the specifics of a life after death; which is what we wanted.

I wonder if they can find something that can help me to understand. Now that the funeral and Shiva are over, I am sad and numb and wonder all the time why Big Al had to suffer so long before he died. He had worked hard his entire life, even up until a few months before the end, when he could no longer physically do it anymore. Then after all of that work and fulfilling his role as a wonderful provider, husband, father and grandfather he finally succumbed to the illness that plagued him practically his whole adult life. Not quite the payoff that he deserved. Of course, life is not about fairness or deserving and that is what I was trying to protect my children from as long as possible. Their youth and innocence will protect them quite a bit longer but then the lessons will be learned by them too. Until then, I am happy that Ethan is a bit too young to really understand anything and that Katie thinks that her Barbies will help. Now that is a blessing indeed.

Sad News

I am deeply saddened to report that Saturday evening 9/12, Marc's father Allen passed away. He was beloved by his family beyond measure and our hearts are broken.

Al became diabetic in his 30's and this horrible disease destroyed his sight, heart, kidneys, liver and circulation. It robbed him of his golden years and seeing most of his grandchildren grow up. I am thankful for the time that we had with him but am sad about the times ahead that we will not be able to share with him.

The DD have not been told yet. We are waiting for the funeral to be behind us and the dust to clear a bit before we broach this sad subject. The will both be sad but I know in my heart that my tender Katie will take it as hard as her big brother Justin already has. Ethan loved him greatly as well but is not as aware as Katie as of yet.

Big Al, as he was affectionately known to most, was the type of guy that everyone loved! Over the past two days the phone has literally rung non stop and we have received over 100 email communications and they just keep coming. It is a true testament to his goodness and the level of love and friendship that we are blessed with.

On a personal note, I must say that I was very fortunate to be Big Al's daughter-in-law. We had a mutual admiration for each other and I loved him dearly.

I will finish this post with a quote by Emily Dickenson ~

"Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality."

Mother's Day 2000 L-R Marc, Justin, Me, Brenda (MIL), Linda (My Mom), Harry (My Dad) and Big Al (My FIL)

2006 Pictured L-R Me with Katie on my lap, Big Al, Big Al's sister Shirley, Brenda and Marc sitting.

"Grandma, you said a bad word!!"

Grandma was by the house recently and was sitting at the kitchen table with the DD while they were waiting to be fed (BTW, it seems like they are always waiting to be fed ;-) and they were talking amongst themselves. All of the sudden Katie yelled out "Grandma, you said a bad word!!...MOM, Grandma said a bad word!!" I was very amused and a little curious as to what the "bad word" was. My mother in law looked as confused as I was, so I asked Katie what the offending word was. She told me that she could not tell me. I told her that of course she could tell me, to which she shook her head NO, quite vigorously. I then told her to whisper the "bad word" in my ear. She agreed to do that and whispered the following word................

W H A T E V E R

Yes, that's right... "Whatever" was the word that had Katie in an uproar! I began to laugh and had to explain to Grandma that when the one of the DD use the word "whatever" in response to something that I have said that they are told not to say it. That it is not a nice word to use in the context that they are using it.

Example:

Mom: "Here is your turkey sandwich honey."

Katie: "Mommy, I don't want Turkey."

Mom: "Well, that is what I am serving today so that is what you will need to eat."

Katie: "Whatever!" (said in the snottiest tone possible)

I explained to them that when they say "whatever" in that way, it implies that they do not care in an offhand manner and we always need to care and not respond like we do not.

Of course, My mother in law's response of "Whatever" was to a question posed by Marc as to whether she wanted Cereal or eggs for breakfast. So when she responded with "Whatever" it was not used in quite the same way! Obviously, that nuance was lost on our Starr so "Whatever" may as well have been the F word for all of the excitement it caused at breakfast.

Gotta love the use and intent of language and the four year old mind! Interesting combination is all that I can say.

Latest News

Sorry that it has been a week since I have updated but I know that you will forgive me when I tell you that life is just nuts lately and now to top it off Marc's dad had a huge setback a couple of days back. He was recuperating in a rehabilitation center and trying to move around again after his fall and subsequent pelvic fracture, when out of the blue he was befallen by a dangerous double hernia that obstructed his bowel. Of course he needed an emergency operation. Quite a scary proposition for such a sick man. Thankfully, he came through very well and while he is still listed as critical and in CICU, he is recuperating well and should be back on a regular floor quite soon.

Ok, now on to the follow up to Marc's cardiac catheterization. It went as well as could be expected with a little excitement thrown in for good measure. Hey, what's life lately if not exciting (smirk). The scoping showed that Marc's mitral valve is in terrible shape but they also detected that his tricuspid valve is slightly prolapsed (weakened) as well. Thankfully, his arteries were clear of any blockages so that is a real blessing. We definitely would not have wanted a bypass procedure as well.

The excitement that I referred to earlier came later in the day. Marc came through the procedure with no problems and had to lay flat on his back with a sandbag on his groin area (hmmmmm) for 6 hours to stop vascular problems. I had already been in to see Marc in recovery and saw that he was fine. The nurse came out about an hour later to tell me to go to lunch; that it would be several more hours and that everything was just fine. I came back and was happily reading the book that I had brought with me, when out came the nurse to tell me "There has been an incident." Well, those are definitely words that you never want to hear in a surgical waiting room nor was I even considering that those words were a possibility once I knew that he was "just fine." At that moment, my heart began to race and my body turned to shaky mush as the nurse told me that when they were compressing the area that the vagus nerve is in it casued a vagus reflex, which can and does happen sometimes but when it does there is a shot of a drug called atropine that the medical staff is supposed to have nearby and it was not nearby. Meanwhile, Marc lost consciousness and his blood pressure plummeted before they were able to administer the shot. They were finally able to locate the shot and thank goodness, they were able to get him revived and his BP back up. I really had a hard time getting my heart rate back to normal after hearing that one. I guess I had let my defenses down so when they told me of "the incident" it left me reeling.

It seems that our life has turned into a drama of epic proportions lately so I am really looking forward to next week, when we will consult with the surgeon up in Atlanta and then we can finally set our sights on a target date when this surgery will be done and our lives can get back to normal...whatever that is! I would so appreciate a new normal that does not include dealing with any illness whatsover, thankyouverymuch!!!

On a funny note...and with Marc there is always a funny note... During the Pre-Operative process the nurse needed to shave Marc's groin area where the catheter is inserted. As she approached him to do the deed, Marc quipped that he would like the nurse to shave "the area" in the shape of a heart for his wife. The nurse looked puzzled and then told Marc that she had never been asked that before and would have to check to see if she could do it. She then started to try to find her supervisor. Marc then had to tell her that he was just kidding. I am sure there is probably a picture of my husband in the cardiac OR,warning other nurses about my crazy hubby!

One more thing to mention...Marc's Professional Association is running a fundraiser to help our family defray the costs associated with this surgery that will not be covered by our health insurance. Unfortunately, the insurance will not cover a great deal of this and we are not in any position, since I closed my business, to be able to handle these costs. The event will be here in South Florida on October 4th. The event that the American Disc Jockey Association of South Florida is running should prove to give everyone attending an exciting afternoon and we are so grateful that they have stepped up to do this for us. It is not easy for us to accept help but we are in the unfortunate position that in order for us to have Marc get the medical help he needs we must accept help.

If you would like to attend the event, be involved with it or offer monetary assistance we are and will be forever grateful. For more information you can contact:

The America Disc Jockey Association of South Florida at:

PO Box 771222, Coral Springs, Fl 33077 and reference Help the Beat fundraiser

or you can call 954-232-6011

or email: Helpthebeat@gmail.com

If you are a facebook user you can search the page "Afternoon at the Races" for more information.

Thank you from the bottom of both of our hearts for helping Marc to heal his.

What happens next........

First off, thanks for all of the fabulous feedback via comments and emails that were sent to me about the visual support idea that we are implementing for Ethan. I always hope that when I share a piece of our private lives, that someone may see themselves or someone they love in what I have written. This blog serves both as a vehicle to document our lives for later and to share in hopes that it will help someone else that is having a similar issue or experience.

OK, now on to what happens next with Marc....

Tomorrow, Marc will be having what is called a Cardiac Catheterization and if you would like to learn more about what this lovely little procedure entails you can read about it here. Marc's mom is coming over tonight since she does not have to take care of Marc's dad, who is presently in a rehab center, recuperating from a fall where he fractured his pelvis...yup, it's all fun and games around here these days. If everything goes as planned, then we will be home by the evening.

We are then flying to Atlanta in a couple of weeks to meet with the heart surgeon that we are hoping will be operating on Marc. By all accounts, Marc is a very good candidate for the type of surgery that he needs, which is a Heart Mitral Valve Repair done robotically. The benefit to carrying out the surgery this way versus the old school way (cracking open the chest) is that it is minimally invasive. There are just four (very small) incisions will have to be made to do the repair. Marc's heart will have to be stopped, just like in any open heart surgery and he will be placed on a heart lung machine while they operate on him. The obvious benefit to doing it robotically, is that there is so much less trauma to the body and thus pain and healing times are brought down significantly. We have consulted with a couple of doctor's already but the one in Atlanta is probably one of the more experienced in the country, so we are hoping that he is the one that will handle Marc's care. The doctors that we have consulted with us thus far have also told us that Marc's condition is very severe and his heart is quite enlarged due to the strain from the leaky valve.

Of course, as I write all of the details in such a matter of fact kinda way, it does not take into account that my own heart is racing most of the time and the butterflies in my stomach never seem to go to sleep. I will not be able to make my mind stop racing and ultimately ending up in dark places until this is behind us and thank goodness that tomorrow is the first step towards that end. Marc is steadfast and positive. He is my rock and I want to keep him in that position for many years to come.

One last thing...there has been such an outpouring of care and concern, both locally and through the larger online community that we are a part of. Marc's Disc Jockey Association - The American Disc Jockey Association of South Florida is holding an event called "A Night at the Races" on October 4th, to benefit Marc and our family. The money raised will assist us with the massive medical and associated costs that will not be covered by our health insurance. There are several ways to be a part of this event whether you can attend or not. If you would like to help, you can contact the Association for more details at:

Helpthebeat@gmail.com

Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts!

Lori, Marc, the Big's and the Little's :)

Our little guy has been a bit stressed out and this is what we can do to help him

I was talking to my good friend Shannon, who just happens to be a wonderful teacher at the 1st grade level, with Exceptional Education credentials. I casually mentioned to her that Ethan had developed, what seemed to be a compulsive need to ask us about our daily schedule, ie: what we were doing now, and then, and so on and so forth and you get the picture. It was to the point that Katie was even becoming a bit unnerved by his constant "need to know" what our day was going to consist of. At one point, she not so nicely yelled at him, "Ethan, why do you need to know what we are doing all the time?!?" His need to know had gone from a cute quirk to a completely over the top behavior. After I told her all about this newest issue, she asked me if it started after preschool had ended and summer break began. I had to think back but I was fairly certain that it had. Actually, when I think about it, it may have been exacerbated by the crazy and uncertain schedule that we had over the summer, due to Marc's illness. Shannon also felt that the preschool program that Ethan is in for development and speech delayed children definitely makes use if these cues and that most schools do now as well.

She explained to me that it is an anxiety issue built around his loss of the structure that he had during his school day. He probably felt out of control and anxious about it. It seems that many children with such issues benefit from "visual cues" or "visual support" Shannon explained that when children have these cues available, then they are able to organize their thinking about the upcoming day and have much less stress about it. When they have questions, they can be redirected to the visual cue cards and over time the stress will diminish. Many children need this throughout the course of their education and obviously at home for the same reasons. After we spoke about it, I researched it a bit more and found this helpful piece to explain visual support and how it is implemented at the preschool level. There is even a way to visually cue a child to the fact that sometimes a strict schedule cannot be adhered to and that when events change unexpectedly that it will be just fine.

If you think about it, it really is like us adults having lists of the things that we need to get accomplished every day. If we did not have the lists then we may forget what we need to get done and seeing it there in black and white reduces are anxiety about what we need to get accomplished each day.

I hope that this info helps some of you that may be experiencing similar issues. Huge thanks to Shannon for cuing me on the cues ;-) I will be beginning the use of the cue strips immediately and will let you know how he does with it.

One more thing before I share the info, I have had lots of emails asking about Marc and his condition. I will give you a full update on my next post but he is fine. He will be having an in hospital test next week and then the heart surgery after that. I promise I will post more by the weekend. Hugs to all of you.

Here is the info:

Visual Support Tips in the Preschool Class

By:Sheila Demers

By observing children in many different preschools, I've noticed that the classes which utilize an abundance of visual supports for children have far more independent and secure students. Many children as well as adults perform much better with additional visual cues throughout the day. I know I need my various lists or palm pilot to remind me what I need to accomplish each day or each week. It helps me keep focused on the priorities of my life. There are so many distractions each day to tempt us away from what needs to be accomplished.

This is true of preschoolers as well as they negotiate through the preschool day. Just think of being four years old in a new class with loads of play areas and visual distractions. Not only do you have this sea of fun, you have lots of friends and adults within one room to play with. What a thrill! But then your teacher says, "It's time for circle", and you have to drop what you're doing, pick up and go and sit quietly on the carpet for twenty plus minutes while all the toys and activities are calling out to you to play with them. How do you survive the day??

By utilizing visual supports for the whole class, you assist students in planning and preparing themselves for a period of time. They begin to understand that even though it may be difficult to come to circle, that after circle they'll be able to visit centers, then have snack, then go out to play, etc. They'll learn to organize themselves and have less anxiety about their day. For those who may miss home, they'll be able to see that there's an end in sight after they complete several more activities. It also reduces the amount of repeating directions to children.

Visual support strips are especially helpful to preschool classes which include children with special needs. I suggest to parents to use these techniques at home to assist with bedtime and mealtime routines. Here's a few examples:

• Use a classroom visual strip for the morning's activities on a wall where students and teachers can easily refer to it. Each picture should be large enough to be seen from anyplace in the class. One class uses the following sequence for their preschool class: free play, circle, activity centers, snack, read book, recess, home. Teachers refer to the strip as each transition is about to occur.

• Individual student strip- Some children with high anxiety or limited language skills may benefit from an individual strip. They can have pictures posted on Velcro to remind them of the activities of the session. After each task/center is completed, they learn to remove the picture and place it in the all done envelope below their strip. A teacher assistant usually guides the child with this plan until the child can independently follow the strip with the cue "Sam, check your chart."

• Individual task strips are utilized in certain activities such as fine motor center. For some students to envision completing a fine motor project is overwhelming and may elicit a meltdown. By following the task strip of paint pumpkin, cut out eyes, nose and mouth, and paste parts on pumpkin; the child can complete the project with a minimal amount of assistance.

• Visual strips can also be placed in areas where a routine needs to be followed such as sequence to wash hands or use bathroom.

• A zigger zagger icon (thunderbolt) is introduced to the children as some unexpected event that may change the expected routine of the day or activity. Maybe outdoor recess needs to be canceled due to an unexpected thunderstorm. Children need to learn that changes may occur that were not planned for and it's OK.

Additional Visual Strategies

1. A list of classroom rules which may use pictures may assist the students.

2. Labels with words or pictures on center areas or bins of toys.

3. Classroom helper chart with a picture of each child and their assigned task for the week.

4. A choice board with a variety of activities (pictures) for students to choose when unable to verbally request one.

5. A song choice board where students can choose a song to sing from a group of songs which have been introduced over the course of several months.

6. Preschool staff may wear a flexible wristband with a variety of picture icons to reinforce what a child needs to do. Some children with delays may respond more appropriately to the picture than the verbal instruction. Teacher verbally states the direction once in combination with the picture and then presents the picture again to reinforce the instruction.

By incorporating visual supports in the preschool classroom, children learn to independently refer to pictures throughout the day to stay organized, reduce anxiety and prepare for the upcoming activities.

I feel very lucky to have so many wonderful sources of info and support in my network of friends. I hope that this info helps some of you that may be experiencing similar issues.

**********************

Sheila Demers, author, special education administrator, teacher and childcare trainer, is an expert in children with special needs and challenging behavior. With over twenty-five years experienced as an educator including special education teacher, preschool coordinator, guidance counselor and private placement specialist; she has provided training for children, families, and educators in their search to implement strategies and supports regarding specialized needs of children.

Sheila holds New Hampshire certifications as an Elementary Educator, Special Educator, Guidance Counselor and Special Education Admistrator. She also holds a New Hampshire credential as a childcare Mentor, Trainer and Faculty. As a Preschool Coordinator for the past twelve years, she has developed, implemented and supervised integrated preschool programs for children with and without disabilities. She is a sought after provider of consultation services to preschools and childcare centers. Through these services many children with special needs and behavior challenges have enjoyed successful preschool experiences. Personally committed to maximizing the potential of each child's abilities, she is actively involved in local and statewide committees to improve services to young children and their families.

For more information contact Sheila(at)preschoolbuildingblocks.com www.preschoolbuildingblocks.com

Another school year begins....don't let the audible sighs of relief distract you from reading this!

I adore my children but it is neither feasible or fair to get much work done when they are in our midst. Having a block of time each weekday when we can actually get work done is......well.....awesome!! Bring on the school year!!!

The first day went well for all of our children; the two "little's" that live with us and the one "big" that does not. Let me start by saying that Justin's exact phone text to me today was "It's gonna be crazy" When I asked for a clarification of "good crazy" or "not so good" crazy, I was told "good crazy" and the gist of the conversation that transpired later was that his "A" game was going to be needed to get through this internship. I think that was a given ;-)

Katie and Ethan had good days as well, although probably a tad less stressful than Mr J's! Making new friends and getting to know a new teacher for Katie Starr were probably the most important goals that were met today, as it should be. Katie's teacher told me that she was quiet for all of 10 minutes after I brought her to school, in what looked to most like a semi catatonic state. Then she morphed back into her normal ebullient self. Ethan, on the other hand, bounded onto the bus like summer had never happened and then never skipped a beat the entire today. He has such an amazing personality; it really never ceases to amaze me. The low point of the day was when his school bus was about an hour late coming home. I was becoming unglued to say the least but just as I was on the phone waiting for the county bus control to track the errant bus down, up it pulled "manned" or should I say "womaned" by Rose and Ruby, who apologized profusely and told me that they had problems with their route. They were so sweet that I could not be too upset; especially since the little man was just fine and no worse for wear. His mama, on the other hand, has about 10 more grays under her *ahem* natural red hair.(wink)

One more development before I bid you adieu for today....I decided to see how Katie would do without a nap after school. Ethan sleeps at school and he requires huge amounts of sleep and has no problem settling down for bed. On the other hand, Katie will nap really well but then cannot fall asleep lately and just tosses and turns for hours. The nap experiment turned out well today. She was fine all day and then I put them to bed at 8:00 PM and they were both asleep within minutes of hitting their pillows....love it!!

Here are a few photos to mark the day of the Dynamic Duo on their first day of Pre K!

Our mischief heading off to his first day back to school

another cute shot at the door

Here's Katie Starr

Bye...

Together for one last shot before their day begins!

This pic was taken at school and one of the mom's sent it to me...so cute!

Katie and her teacher hit it off!

Now how could I be upset with these two sweet women :)

Do you think she missed her brother?

Big year ahead for our big guy

The school year has rolled around once again and this is a particularly important one; not nearly as much for the Dynamic Duo, as for my big guy, Justin. Justin is starting his third and final year of law school tomorrow and begins his internship or clinic as they call it. He will be working in a law firm in the area of his interest; Environmental Law.

I am so proud of Justin. He has worked so hard and now he is in the home stretch, about to embark on his life's work. I have always stressed to him that he must choose a vocation in life that fulfills him and he is passionate about. I believe that he has followed that advice and chosen an area of law that will do just that for him and in the grand scheme of things will benefit many, including future generations.

Justin, as always....you make us so proud and even more importantly sweetheart, you should be truly proud of yourself.

We love you,

Mom, Dad and the DD

We just don't know.....

These are the words that are uttered far too often about our two youngest children. There are just so many questions that cannot and may never be answered. It is so hard for us to have to say these words when asked questions about the DD's early months and and even years in Ethan's case, that we were not yet united with them. There are even times, like today, when it really can be an issue not to know their history.

Today we took the DD to the Pediatric Ophthalmologist to check on Katie's patching progress and to have Ethan's eyes checked by a specialist for the first time.

The good news is that Katie has progressed in her left eye (the one with the poorest vision) to 20/40 corrected. The Doctor tells us that this may prove to be the best that we can get the correction to or we may be able to squeak her up to 20/20. He left it up to us to give it 8 more weeks before we wean her from the patch and to give it the best shot possible. The reason that he left it to us is that he knows, just as we do, that patching a young child is not easy on the child at all. She struggles with it daily. She is a trooper and really only complains when I first put it on her each day but it totally changes her personality to a much more withdrawn state. There really was no other decision to make though. We have to give it more time and give her the best chance possible at even better vision before the weaning begins. I really hope that it pays off for her, but at least if it does not, then we have given her the best chance at better corrected (with her glasses on) vision.

Now, this is the part of the story where the lack of history is not only detrimental but always saddens us. When our wonderful doctor was examining Ethan today, he found that on the very edge of Ethan's retina was a problem that could have resulted either from a premature birth or as I hypothesized to him, oxygen issues from his heart problems, which he agreed would cause the same problem. I really should not say problem because right now this irregularity on the retina is not causing any sight issues and since we have caught it early enough it should never cause problems. He told us that the worse case scenario was having to have a laser procedure to remedy the issue. He has referred us to a retinal specialist to determine the severity of the problem.

All in all, nothing really earth shattering....I just wish, with all of my heart, that we would never have to say those words again. No mother or father should ever have to say that they just don't know something about their own child.

Some cute pictures while we wait....

I don't have a concrete update on Marc's heart surgery yet. We thought we had a good plan that was taking us to New York City at the end of September but that does not look like the best option at this point. I may have more answers by the end of the week but in the meantime I wanted to take a bit of a break from the stress of our present situation to share some cute pics that I took today while the DD were playing outside. Today was their last day of camp and they are back to school the week after next. They have had a lovely summer and we sheltered them as best as we could from our stress. I hope that we have done a good enough job with that.

Enjoy the pictures and I promise to be back soon with some more news

Here you can see the DD has spotted something.... a teeny, tiny frog! Then my sweet children picked flowers for me and Mr. E presented me with a tiny one.

Nurse Lori has been very busy!

Just wanted to post an update about Marc and the goings on here at "Stress is the New Black."

We are now three weeks (halfway point) into Marc's six week IV antibiotic treatment. We have fallen into a routine of sorts and I have become quite proficient at my nursing responsibilities. Since I generally administer the IV at 6AM and 6PM, let's just say that I can do this gig in my sleep and I think there have been a couple of times that I did just that. At least it felt that way. I was just telling a friend that the first couple of days of all of this, I was very nervous and stressed; afraid that I would hurt Marc but now it is no sweat and I actually feel quite gratified that I am able to help him in some small way. There has even been one occasion where I had to meet Marc between DJ jobs (just before a wedding) to give him the IV on site, wait the 70 minutes and then flush the line and and take it off. It has been a bit crazy but we make it work. A special thank you to my Mom who has been here many times to help us with the kids so that I can be there for Marc.

One thing that has been quite complicating and a tad bit overwhelming is that both members of the Dynamic Duo have been sick over the past 2 weeks. One or the other or even both have been up several times a night with fever and cough, so when I said that I was giving the IV in my sleep, it was not far from the truth.

Right now, the DD are both doing well and they are both back in camp....yaaaay! Marc is feeling well. albeit a bit tired but that is to be expected. Between the very strong antibiotic and the heart condition he has every reason to be tired.

Our project right now is to find the best surgeon possible to handle Marc's heart surgery and we are in the process of doing so with our first choice; a surgeon at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. The big issue as always is money as our insurance is not the best and we are hoping to work something out with the hospital to get this done. You cannot put a price tag on your loved ones lives and I will do anything and everything to make sure that Marc gets the best possible medical care that we can find, so he can live a normal and healthy life.

I promise to get back to the job of writing about our DD in my next post but I know that many of you have been concerned about Marc, so I wanted to let you know how his is. Thanks to so many of you for your prayers and words of support.

Believe me when I tell you that they they are felt by us every single day.

That pen has run out of ink

That was the answer that Marc jokingly gave to me after Katie (for the third time today) told us that she wanted us to "get" a baby sister. She actually was begging us for one and it totally took me by surprise because Justin NEVER wanted a baby anything! He loved being an only child for the first 21 years of his life.

I gently told Miss Starr that we were not going to "get" a baby sister or brother, besides she had a perfectly good younger brother. "He is not a baby Mom and he is a BOY!" she said with what sounded like disgust, "I cannot do what I want to do with him!" I asked her what she wanted to do and she told me that she wanted to teach the baby how to be a girly girl and how to love dolls. She would teach her how to dance and she would play with her, hold her and love her. I again gently let her know that we would not be adopting any more children and that she has a very special place of honor in our WHOLE family as she is the only grandaughter on both sides as well as the only niece. She is the only girl cousin and our only daughter. All of that and she is lucky enough to have a little brother and a big brother. She perked up after that speech and seemed quite satisfied with her place in our family and life in general.

Kinda tugged at my heartstrings though but Marc is very right....at this point in our lives the ink has run dry. We are happy that we have our three children and our family is just the right size for us.

I guess my mommy instincts were sleeping this morning! - UPDATED 7/20

I am sure that I have mentioned that Katie has a special blanket. It is one of the two precious loveys that she has had since she was adopted in China. One of the loveys is a small stuffed baby that we sent to her in China and when we met her on forever day it was still with her. That baby was lovingly named "Snotty Baby" in China as Katie would rub it all over her face while she was crying (grieving) and of course since her nose was running, the baby became wet from her snot as well, thus Snotty Baby. The other lovey is a small ladybug taggie blanket that I purchased for Katie and her BFF Mia while both families were waiting for our girls to come home. Both girls immediately took to their blankets and had strong attachments to them. Katie Starr still loves to sleep with her blanket and when she is ill, she drags it all over the house with her. The rule is that she has to keep it in her room unless she is ill and that has worked for us. Believe me, Katie would look like Linus in "Peanuts" if that was not the rule.

OK, now onto the story about my "mommy instincts' being asleep at the wheel this morning...

Last evening, we came home quite late with the DD after a 4th birthday celebration with Mia and the "P" Family. The children went to bed quickly and I thought that since they were so wiped out that we would be lucky and they would most likely sleep in this morning. We had set the alarm a little later than usual to administer Marc's IV and so when Katie cried out a bit at 6:45 we were quite surprised to be awakened by that sound over the monitor. The DD sleep on the opposite side of the house, so in order to hear if there is an issue we still need the monitor.

The crying stopped as quickly as it started so we chalked it up to Katie crying out in her sleep, which happens when she has vivid dreams. I got up and gave Marc his IV and then laid down to go back to sleep and all was quiet. About a half hour later I heard the same noise and again it stopped quickly. Not one to ever wake a sleeping child, I decided to let it go and wait until I heard them wake up "for real." We fell back asleep and on and off a couple of more times I remember hearing the same sound...finally at 8:15 we heard a "real" cry that sat me straight up in bed. We ran to find Katie very upset and crying with her lady bug blanket up by her face. I asked her to please calm down and tell me what was wrong and then she sputtered out that the blanket was stuck in her earring. I gently pulled the blanket a bit away from her face and saw that one of the taggies that edge the blanket was crammed through the very tiny baby hoop earring that she was wearing and it was pulling the hole quite a bit. It really looked like it was painful and I am sure she was scared. Marc and I had to maneuver her and the earring a bit to get it unfastened and free her from the blanket. It was really kind of a freak thing but I am thinking it may be time to wean her from the blanket.

I felt just awful! She must have been drifting in and out of sleep and every time she realized that she was stuck to the blanket she would cry out and I am guessing fall back asleep when I did not come. Finally, she was awake enough to really be a bit more persistent. I explained to her that mommy thought she was just dreaming and that she needs to yell "Help!" to us it if she needs us. If there had been any crying for more than a second or two we definitely would have checked on her but I still felt awful that she was so upset for quite awhile. Of course, it did not help that we are both quite exhausted lately, since Marc is still getting better and I have a lot more on my plate.

No excuses though...next time, no matter what...I will check the first time I hear a cry.

UPDATE ~ There were a couple of comments and many private emails imploring me not to take Katie's blankie away. Fear not...I was just thinking the whole situation through while I was writing, which I really find like a therapy of sorts. When it was all said and done, I knew that there was no good reason to take her lovey away as under normal circumstances it has never hurt her to have it. Katie and her blankie will not be parted. On the other hand, the baby hoop earrings have been removed as last night they got caught up again on a beaded necklace that Katie made for herself. We are back to posts for now and so there will be no more to worry about......at least in the earring department!

Taking it all a day at a time....

Marc is home and we are so happy to have him here. I think we all can so take a fact like that for granted but I will do everything in my power from this day on not to ever do so again. Without my man here, life is pretty darn sad; for me and for our children.

For the next six or so weeks I am Marc's primary nurse, administering IV twice daily and trying to monitor his daily health habits so that he remain healthy until we cross the next hurdle - his heart surgery. One item on his "to do" list every day is to drink tremendous amounts of water to flush this toxic antibiotic from his body. The doctor wants him to drink about 13-14 eight oz glasses a day. This is probably not easy for most people but for Marc it is really quite an issue (this is said with the utmost sarcasm) Marc is a HORRIBLE water drinker!! I had nicknamed him "the camel" sometime back and I have now become "the camel's" constant NAG to keep him drinking.

This past weekend we celebrated Ethan's birthday again with a family party so that Marc and his folks could share the mischief man's 4th birthday with him. It was nice, although this weekend was quite bittersweet for us. We had a four day cruise that had been planned many moons ago with our dear friends "The P family" and we had to cancel due to this unexpected health crisis. We had really been looking forward to it as well as some adult time together while the kids were in Camp Carnival. It just was not in the cards this year.

I have to admit that I have been feeling quite sad lately. It kinda feels like the deck has been stacked against us and even though I know that this is not true or even fair as many people have it much tougher than we do, it just has been one thing after another for the past 2-3 years. My sister and I were talking about my current state of mind and she made the really good suggestion that every morning after administering Marc's IV that I get out and take a long walk while he is resting and the DD are still sleeping. Of course, exercise is good for body and soul. I started a couple of days ago and it is helping to lift my mood already. Thanks again sweet sister!

We have lots of Doctor's appointments and such over the next couple of weeks so hopefully we will have some more info on what to expect. I think that will help as well. The unknown is so hard.

I must share that Marc has been a real trooper though all of this. He is a great patient. He does what he needs to without complaint. He advocates for himself really well with all of the health professionals which is so important. If you or anyone you know has been ill then you know first hand that you must be very vigilant about your treatments. The health care industry is over burdened and under staffed so mistakes are bound to be made. Marc is really good at making sure that he understands exactly what is being given to him or performed on him. I had never seen this side of him as he had never been ill before but I was so pleased to see him in action.

All I need right now is for Marc to be healthy again. Everything else will come around eventually as long as he is OK and then we can go back to our normal level of good "stress".....now that would be just awesome!

Marc is coming home!

We have a long road ahead of us but here is the Reader's D*igest version of what the past week has revealed and what will happen next.

Marc has one of the most severe bacterial infections that you can get. The bacteria is called Streptococcus Viridans. The way that I understand how all of this came about is that we all have this bacteria in our mouths, throats and colons. Somehow Marc's immune system became compromised enough to have the bacteria become so numerous that it made him very ill. That in itself is a huge problem but even a bigger issue is that the bacteria caused an infection on his heart mitral valve and damaged it to the point that he has to have heart surgery.

The first thing that has to happen in that Marc has to be on very dangerous and toxic IV antibiotics for 6 weeks. I will be administering the IVs with the help of a nurse that will come in once a week and oversee that as well as draw blood from Marc to gauge the med levels as well as his progress. The reason that I have to administer the IVs is that our very expensive (please note the sarcasm) health insurance will not pay for any home health care. That is a whole other issue that once I get started on I may never stop so I best not go there. Once the infection is cleared from his body he will have his heart operated on.

There are a couple of lessons that have been reinforced this week, the most important one being that you must always listen to your gut instincts...they rarely will mislead you. Marc had visited two doctors when he first started feeling ill. Both of them assigned him to a nurse practitioner who initially told him that the symptoms that he was experiencing were the result of exhaustion and the second one said it was probably a virus. They did blood work but by Friday, July 3rd the results of the labs were not back and Marc was becoming VERY ill. I was out of the house with Katie when he called me and told me to come right home as he needed to get to the hospital. I had never heard him sound like that and I have never moved so quickly to get anywhere. My parents met me so that they could watch the DD and we were off. We waited 5 hours in the ER and Marc kept saying that maybe he was over blowing this and that we should leave. I reinforced that there was something that brought us there and that we should make sure that he was OK. Thank Goodness that we did or who knows what the outcome would have been.

The sickening thing is that Doctor's office that told him it was probably a virus has still to this day not given him the results of those labs and Marc has been in the hospital a week. They do not know he is even in the hospital and when we called to find out what those labs showed we were told that the Doctor had the results on his desk but had not signed off on them. That statement needs to stand on it's own and I am sure there is nothing more that can be said about it....it speaks volumes.

The other lesson is to try to everything in your power not to let the pressure of daily life compromise your immune system. I know that is easier said than done but let this story be a reminder of what can happen. Marc was working way too hard and for way to long with not enough sleep for days on end. He and I have been under an extraordinary amount of stress due to his father's illness and the closure of my business in addition to other normal daily life issues. It seemed to be a potent recipe for disaster.

Last, but never least I must mention that my family and friends have been nothing short of amazing. My parents have been here daily to watch the children and offer moral support. Justin and my wonderful friends have also helped with DD shifts. My sister, who lives up in Northern Virgina was a constant source of support on an almost hourly basis sometimes to help me keep my sanity and has come though in ways that bring tears to my eyes. The directors of the early childhood center at our temple that runs Katie's preschool called us when they heard and told us to bring our children in to camp (tuition free)to allow me to deal with this crisis. Basically every friend and even friends of friends have offered assistance in every way possible and I have no doubt that every offer was sincere. It is very hard for me to accept help and I know that really is false pride but I am working on it.

We feel so blessed that we found this out in time to save Marc's life and if we did not know it before we surely know now how much love surrounds us and that we have riches that have nothing to do with the almighty dollar and are infinitely more valuable.

Happy 4th Birthday Ethan!!

Today was our mischief man's 4th birthday and yesterday was his party. Marc was not able to be with us to celebrate as he is still hospitalized. Once we spring him from the hospital and he gets to walk through our front door it will be party part duex.

I will do my best to post more pics from the party tomorrow if I can but things have been very hectic lately, as I balance hospital, children and work.

My friend Grace took this one and I just loved it. She has an amazing natural talent. Thanks Grace!

My shoulders need a rest...**Updated 7/3**

I know they say that G-d never gives you more than you can handle but I am beginning to think that the powers that be think I am waaay stronger than I really am.

Above and beyond all of the challenges that we are facing on the home front these days is the fact that my wonderful husband is very sick and has been feeling this way for almost two weeks. The Nurse Practitioner at his doctors office says that it is a virus that has to run it's course but let me tell you it is one nasty bug. We are waiting on the blood work to some back to help shed some light on what is going on and when he may feel better but in the meantime...I am VERY worried about him.

As stressful as the rest of life is lately with the many worries brought about by the horrible state of the economy; it all pales in comparison to the fact that my love is so sick.

I hope to have better news to report soon but in the meantime positive thoughts and prayers are always appreciated.

Thanks so much!

UPDATE - Marc's condition worsened today and the Doctor's office was closed for the holiday so I brought him to the ER. He has been admitted to the hospital. The virus was what brought us to the hospital but what kept him there was a significant heart valve issue and the threat of an infection called endocarditis. I am pretty much reeling right now with this newest revelation. Marc is my rock and my soul mate and I cannot believe that this is happening. I will keep you updated. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers.