Emotions are high!

Tomorrow, Katie has the test that will finally give us some answers about her eyes. Hopefully the answer will not be one of a diagnosis that will rob her of her sight. I have prepared myself though...I am not going into this with a less than prepared mind. The first few days after her Pediatric Ophthalmologist was concerned enough to order this test were ones of sadness and anxiety for me and Marc. After lots of "what ifs" we decided that the only thing to do was to put it aside for the month and let the time pass without the constant conjecture. During these last weeks I have made peace in many ways with my deepest fears. If Katie does indeed have Retinitis Pigmentosa or a similar affliction, we will do everything in our power to make sure she has the best chance possible to keep her sight for as long as humanly possible. I am just going to be grateful in the knowledge that even though it CAN be a tragedy to lose one's sight, it will NOT be one for our Katie. She is a strong and resilient child with a great mind. I marvel at her mind every day and I know that if one of her senses is fading or lost, then her mind will be strong enough to help her to accommodate that loss. We know that she can live a full life no matter what.

I am certainly not saying that I am resigning myself in advance to such a diagnosis. I am simply going to utilize the "glass is half full" way of thinking. There is really no other choice is there?

Today, we went down to the hospital for all of the pre-procedure testing and consults. I am feeling loads of anxiety but my anxiety right now has to do more with our child undergoing general anesthesia. I am doing my best to get in the same positive space about this but hey, I am a work in progress and right now I am not struggling a bit.

I will share the news as soon as I have any. Love to all of you that are still keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. It truly means the world to us.

xxoo

Is this the criteria by which a school should be judged?

Apparently Katie thinks so!

At dinner tonight Katie told us that she really likes her school but not the toilets!

"The toilets at my preschool were much better than the toilets at my new school. The toilets at my new school are too small; they are for babies! My feet even touch the floor!!"

Katie's preschool is also the religious school site for the temple that we belong to and the two schools use the same bathrooms so they are not as big as adult toilets but obviously bigger than the ones that she is using now.

We asked her why she did not think that your feet touching the ground was a good thing. " I just liked my old school's toilets." she said "They were waaaay better!"

We were hysterical but I have to say I totally understand. There is nothing like a good toilet and one that you are used to! ;-)

The Dynamic Duo Go to Kindertarten and Justin is employed!

Here is my I Phone picture of our two sweeties on their way to Kindergarten. It went wonderfully well! They enjoyed their first day immensely and if it is any indication of what is to come then I would say that the year will be quite successful!

How the heck did our sweet baby girl and boy morph into capable and independent little souls who are venturing into the first year of their academic career?

All this on the heels of our son finishing law school and taking the bar. On the same day that the DD entered Kindergarten, Justin accepted his first paid position in a law firm.

Could this mother be any prouder? NO WAY!

I love being JJ, Starr and Spice's Mom. It is the best job in the world!

Thank you all so much!

I have received such an outpouring of love, prayers and support via this blog as well as facebook and emails! We are so fortunate to have such an amazing community of friends and family! I cannot tell you how much your support means to us. I have even had several emails communicating from friends who have family with the eye condition that we are having her tested for The emails offered positive stories of people leading purposeful lives with this condition and hope in regard to all of the cutting edge technologies that are being developed in this era of modern medicine.

I am staying as positive as possible while we wait for Katie to have the test. I just hope that the next month flies by and that she has no respiratory issues so that we do not have to postpone the test. Right now she has a cold and her asthma is flaring up so that is always concern that is in the back of my mind.

In the meantime I will be back to blog again soon with some fun stuff....I know...Maybe I will take and post a few pictures of them ;-) Told ya I was going to stay positive!!

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart! Sending love and gratitude to all of you!

A huge bump in the road that we never saw coming

As most of you know Katie wears glasses. She was diagnosed at the age of 2 1/2 with Amblyopia, which is where one eye is significantly weaker than the other. For the past 2 1/2 years we have been patching Katie's good eye on and off, in the hope of strengthening her weak eye. Each time we have patched for a period of time her eyesight improved, only to deteriorate during the months that it remained unpatched.

Two months ago, her eyes had weakened again and the Doctor, who is excellent as well as a family friend, told us that we may have to patch again but that they would strengthen her lenses in the meantime in hopes that it would be enough of a fix that she could avoid the patch. We returned almost a week ago and as we sat and observed the exam, my heart sank. I knew that her eyesight had weakened further. The doctor was quite concerned and he dilated her eyes just to make sure that he was seeing the whole picture. When you dilate a young child's eyes, it is very difficult to really get the kind of visualisation of the eye structure that you get with an adult, since they cannot hold the eye positions needed for very long during the examination.

Marc and I had gone to the exam together (in separate cars) since I had to get to work earlier than he did and he was planning to take her to camp straight from the exam. Once the exam went longer, I left to get to work asking him to call me the minute that the exam was complete. The minutes ticked by and all of the sudden it was well over an hour since we were together. I knew something was wrong...I just felt it...

When I finally heard Marc's voice my fears were confirmed. The doctor was able to view the periphery of the retina and found evidence as to why Katie is not getting better. Unfortunately, it was not an answer that we wanted to hear. There were flecks of material on the far sides of the retina; yellow in color. His concern is that it is a condition that falls under a group of eye diseases called Retinitis Pigmentosa, that will lead to loss of vision and ultimately for many...blindness.

Our doctor has referred us to the best eye institute in the country, which is in our own backyard here in South Florida. The doctor who will be overseeing her case is also considered to be one of the best retina specialists in the world. Katie will be given a test under general anesthesia called an ERG (Electroretinography), which is like an EKG for the eye. It will be a two day process that is already scheduled and it will take place about a month from now. You cannot imagine the process it was to get it done that quickly.

Needless to say....we are VERY upset! We are keeping it together for the kids sake but my anxiety level is through the roof. Every time I think of this child, who takes such delight in every thing that she sees around her, losing that ability.... well....all I can do is cry. Katie lights up the world around her and all I want right now is for her to continue to see the light. If the news is bad once the test is complete, we will do everything in our power to try to find a way to forestall this from happening to her. If we cannot...then we will deal with that too. I cannot believe that I am even journaling this. It is like a bad dream that we cannot wake ourselves from.

I am actually doing so for three reasons; to keep a record of this for Katie and ourselves and to help me to process it; which I do through my writing and also to implore upon all of you to get your children screened early. Sadly, we have no knowledge of Katie's background and heredity. Many of the eye diseases that come under this heading are passed along through the genes. There is no way that you can know where there may be a problem unless you screen for it.

Finally, I ask that you say a prayer of you pray and if you don't, then to send your positive thoughts for our daughter. This is one more bump in the road for her; albeit a huge one. We need all of the friendship and love right now that we can surround her with. She knows nothing about this now and we will talk to her just before the test to prepare her for that. If our fears are realized once we get the results...we will deal with that too. I just don't even want to go there yet.......

Our sweet baby is really struggling right now.

While watching the "Big Bird Goes to China" DVD, Ethan decided to begin round two of questioning about his background. I have to tell you that I am pretty shocked that our happy go lucky little guy is the one that is looking for so much clarification at such a tender age.

I am not going to go into the whole conversation again but it started with some questions about being a baby in China and where he lived. That led us to him asking about the mommy who had him in her tummy. He was really quite probing during this line of questioning and he was very upset with this conversation. He was quite concerned about the fact that there was someone who brought him to the baby house (orphanage) and left him there. I explained it was because he was so ill and that they knew that he needed to make sure that he got the help that he needed and a family that would love him forever. He was really stuck on this and it made him feel so vulnerable. This just broke my heart. He then asked me if we would take him to a baby house and how long he would be with us. I explained that he would NEVER again be in a baby house and that he had a mommy, daddy, sister and brother forever! He wanted to know what would happen when he grew up and I told him that he would be a grown up like mommy and daddy and that he would probably have his own family...wrong answer! He was so upset by the fact that he may not always have us so I told him that he would always be with us as long as that is what HE wanted. He then kept hugging me and saying "I love you...Wo ai ni"...over and over and over. He had been listening to the "Wo ai ni" song in the movie, so I am sure that is why he was using the Chinese phrase for "I love you" during his admonition of love.

We held onto each other for a long time and then he pulled away and finished the movie. I was completely humbled by this little boy who is obviously dealing with some pre-verbal pain that he needs to address in his own way.

Tonight, again he started talking about the same subject at dinner but in much less detail. This discussion passed pretty quickly. It all seems to be just under the surface right now.

Finally, we put the DD to bed and we settled in for the night, once again Ethan came out to speak to us and he was in tears. He was crying about not having dessert tonight which he lost due to not eating his dinner. We spoke about why he did not get dessert and he still seemed very upset. I asked him what was really bothering him. Ethan never comes out like that and he almost always falls asleep within a few minutes of being tucked in. He sobbed that he always wants to live with us and that he really loves me and he is going to marry me. We told him that he was always going to be our son and that we are never going to leave him. He calmed down again. We talked for awhile about things that would lighten his mood and I tucked him back in.

The fact that he was 2 1/2 years old when he was adopted and 6 months old at abandonment certainly factors into the very real pain that he is dealing with. I think he has some vague memories as well as imprinted pain that he cannot really process. Katie may have dealt with a great deal of her pain the first year that she was home during a very tough attachment phase.

For now, we will just take it a day at a time and address the questions as simply and openly as possible. We are also open to asking for professional help if we see that his struggle is greater than we are equipped to handle. We will do whatever it takes to help him along this painful journey.

I know that I am probably rambling on but I wanted to document it quickly. Our day was a bit stressful for some other reasons but I needed to get this on the blog, which is the journal of our journey through this life together as a forever family.

Wow, the questions are coming fast and furious!

Just when I thought I was safe for awhile from the tough questions..all of the sudden they came from an unexpected source...Ethan!

Being a boy and a bit behind Katie in terms of development, I did not expect any questions from our mischief man for awhile. I should have learned by now to never underestimate him and to expect the unexpected!

Tonight, Katie was watching some TV before bed and I was in my bedroom when suddenly Ethan came in to talk to me. He immediately launched into his own series of questions about babies....

"Mom, how small was I when I was a baby?" (he places his hand near his knees to show me the size he thinks he was)

"Very small Ethan...just like Ari." (our Godson who was just born)

"I don't remember being that little! How come I don't remember that?"

"Most people do not remember when they are that small sweetie."

"Was I little like Ari when you "dopted" me?" (His version of adopted)

Again with that same lump in my throat I replied "No baby, you were bigger than Ari." (Ethan was two and a half)

"You dopted Katie too when she was a baby?"

"Yes"

"Where was I when I was a baby?"

"In China"

"Were you there?"

"No E, you lived in a baby home (an orphanage) with many other babies who were waiting for their mommies and daddies."

"Where are the babies that lived in the baby home...are they dopted?" (OK, now the lump is about the size of an apple)

"Yes, many are home with their mommies and daddies" (Thinking not nearly enough of them)

"Do you know their names?"

"I don't know all of their names but I know some of their names and I know their mommies and daddies too."

"What are their names?"

"One of them is Cami and one of them is Julia. Ethan, do you remember living in the house with a lot of babies?"

"No."

At this point it is obvious that he does not want to go any further with this line of questioning as he starts to talk again about being as little as Ari and he giggles at the thought of being that small.

"Bye Mom." He leaves the room and me to gather myself and my thoughts.

My first thought was....never underestimate the mischief man.

Love you my sweet baby....one of my greatest wishes is that I could have held you in my arms from the minute that you were born....

Searching for answers

I picked up Katie from camp first today and as we were driving to pick up Ethan the discussion of babies came up again. Initially, it focused on a set of twins that are in Katie's camp and the fact that they were in their mommy's tummy at the same time, as Katie pointed out to me. She then said that it "must have been pretty crowded in their mommy's tummy!" I agreed with her. She then added "It was not crowded in your tummy Mommy, since it was just me in there." I reminded her (with a lump in my throat) that she was not in my tummy...she was in another lady's tummy in China.

"Who is that lady mommy?"

"I am not sure Katie but I think she was a very wonderful lady since she was the one that gave you your life."

"Why didn't she want a baby, she must not have wanted a baby right mommy?? Why didn't she keep me?" She did not sound upset; she just sounded curious.

"Katie, things are much different in China than they are in the United States and for some reason that I do not know, she could not keep you."

"Why couldn't she keep a baby? Why are things different in China?"

"There are many reasons...life is very hard in some parts of China and it is very hard for some people to keep their babies."

"Why is it hard there?"

"It is hard because of many reasons. It is hard for people to be able to feed their children and buy clothes for them in addition to taking care of them properly. There are many reasons why it is hard but I know in my heart that she cared very much for you. She made sure that you were born and then she found a safe place to bring you to until we could come and get you. Then a wonderful foster family took care of you until Mommy, Daddy and Justin could come and get you. Remember I told you that Mommy and Daddy adopted you and we wanted you so much? We asked the officials in China if we could come and bring you home so that we could be a family forever. You and your brothers are our life and we held you in our hearts until you came home."

"Then you adopted Ethan and I came with you to get him....you love us so much!!"

"Oh yes, more than you can ever imagine...."

and then she changed to subject...she had enough for now; probably more than enough.

Another step on the road to realization.......sigh.....

Our Little Guy is a Whole Hand Today!

Dear Ethan Frederick Zhiqing,

You are 5 years old today and so we have lots to celebrate! We celebrate the amazing boy you are and the fact that you are a part of our family; a very special part!

You are our third child and the child that completed our family. You are our treasured mischief man. The boy that has found a special place in the hearts of all who know you and most especially those who are able to call you family. All of us marvel at your strength, tenacity, humor, kindness and your beauty. Actually, we are all in awe of you and how far you have come in these first five years; especially since you had to fight so hard to survive your first two years of life. Fight you did though and your fight rewarded all of us with the love of this forever family that we cherish so much.

Thank you for fighting so hard!

We know that you will do amazing things in your life and in the lives of others. We look forward to every single day with you and as the years march by we will be here to celebrate every birthday with you and to see the gift of your bright future unfold.

Love forever and always,

Your family,
Mommy, Daddy, Katie, Justin and Judy
Nana, Papa and Grandma

Silly

Bandz that is...if you have a child then you know what I am talking about. Those colorful and pliable bracelets shaped like anything that a marketer can dream of; from princesses to hippos and it seems everything in between. Sometimes it is a bit tricky to identify the shape but the kiddos seem to have lots of fun trying!

Katie and Ethan have suddenly been bitten by the silly bug. Katie seemed mildly interested over the last few months but now she really likes them and so when she scored a pack of princess ones and Ethan got a pack of T*y Story bandz from a dear friend, well let me just say that NOW they are REALLY into them.

Katie walked into our room with half of her mother load on one wrist and the other half on the other. She proudly displayed her bracelets to me. When I suggested that it seemed to be quite a bit to wear at one time (I know...way to sensible) she looked at me like I had two heads, sighed and left the room. Of course, that gave me a glimpse into the future that seems a bit too close for comfort.

Then to add insult to injury, the E man came in with all of his bandz on one wrist....
haute couture for sure.

For your viewing pleasure!

Oh and one more thing....I will do my best not to stay away so long again ;-)

10 Years of marriage to my soul mate

Today has been 10 years since I became my beloved's and he became mine. What a wild ride it has been. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. We have been through all of these and everything in between. I am proud to say that we have withstood it all and always together. I am so thankful for this man that I get to share my life with; he is the perfect fit for me. We are Yin and Yang in the truest sense.

Who would have thought that we would add to our family of three and make it a family of five. Not me! In fact, when one of our wedding guests wished us the addition of children during our wedding video, we laughed ourselves silly while watching it. Pretty funny huh!?!

I would do it all again and the only regret that I have is that I did not meet Marc much sooner in my life. Thankfully, I have him now and I am so grateful for that fact. He is such a giving husband and father. He always has my back. He pretty much thinks the sun rises and falls on me and that makes me feel quite cherished. He is a hard worker and never complains. He is sweet, smart and funny. He is almost as funny as me! That is the running joke in our house...who is the funniest. Actually, I think it may be Katie but Marc comes in at a close second. He makes me laugh a huge amount and that is so big in this life. I think I can summarize the way that I feel about Marc in one sentence.

I totally love being alone with him!

I still love it just as much as when we first started dating....just me and him. Actually, just thinking about being alone with him brings a smile to my face. We don't get that luxury very often these days but when we do...I cherish it.


Happy 10th anniversary honey. I love you with all of my heart and soul! I am so looking forward to the celebration of our special day and spending it alone with YOU! Here is to the next 10 years and spending a lifetime of love and laughter together.

Rubber Ducky.....

Your the one!

I Heart Faces photo challenge this week is "Yellow." As soon as I saw my mischief man nose to nose with his duck floaty while he was waiting to get in the pool I had to get "the shot." Wonder what he was thinking about? Probably the fun that he and Mr. Floaty Duck were about to have on a hot day in a nice cool pool.

Happy Summer!

You can check out all of the wonderful "Yellow" entries by clicking on this button.

Pride is not an adequate word to describe the way that I feel

Justin graduated from law school this past weekend. What an amazing feeling it was! Being able to see your child finish his school career so successfully.....well, it was definitely up there as one of the most amazing moments of my life.

As parents we love, nurture, urge, motivate, empathize, teach, advocate, discipline and a host of other adverbs; all while hoping that a little luck mixes in with all of that loving nurture in order to see a day like this one.

I am proud of Justin for so many things. Graduating from law school is just one of them.

As I watched him at the party that we threw for him later that day. I saw once again the man that we raised. A man that made sure to speak at length to each guest and show his appreciation for sharing such a special day with him. As as Jew we use the Yiddish word Mensch to describe the person that Justin is; a person of integrity and honor. He is someone to admire and is truly a good person. He is already a good son, brother, husband and friend. I know that the future will add the titles of good father and trusted colleague to that list.

I am not sure that he truly understands my sense of pride in his accomplishments at this moment in time but I know that someday that if and when he is blessed with a child or children of his own, he will know.

I can sit back and breathe a sigh of contentment and relief. One child raised very well....two more to go ;-)

Two months until the bar exam. Justin began his 12 hours a day study sessions the day after he graduated. We know that he will pass it and do great things with his law degree. Of this, I have no doubt. Our son will make a difference in people's lives for the better. He has already done that with ours!

Being hooded with the degree of Juris Doctor

The Dean of the law school congratulating Justin and posing for a picture

He did it!!

My wonderful son

Family pic with my folks and my sister

Happy husband and wife

Relaxing and enjoying his friends at his graduation party

Posing for a pic with my dear friend Kira. When he was a little boy she used to babysit for him...WOW!

Justin, Judy and our wonderful in laws :)


I love you Justin; my number one son!

Not breathing too easily around here!

Just a quick update to let you know what has been happening around the "Stress" household. I can tell you that what there has not been a lot of and that is "easy breathing!" Katie's asthma has been acting up and it has been a really tough week for her and for all that love her.

About ten days ago, she started in with the early signs of an asthma flare up and we immediately began the prescribed regimen of breathing treatments. It continued on in a very mild form for a couple of days until a week ago Friday evening when she had a severe attack overnight into Saturday morning which would not abate. Marc rushed her to the ER and for the next few hours I was a freaking mess while I waited for her at home as Ethan was sleeping, willing her to get the breathing under control which they did with a steroid shot. They sent sent her home with heavier meds. She was actually sent home on my birthday which we celebrated by the children giving me the gifts that they had lovingly chosen for me in the wee hours....it was so sweet.

At about the same time I contracted an upper respiratory infection; which over this past week was made worse by stress and lack of sleep, since Katie's asthma was not going anywhere fast. This past week has brought three more doctor appointments; two for her and one for me. Her meds have been changed again and we are hoping for the best tonight. Asthma is relentless at night. To complicate matters, I was diagnosed with walking Pneumonia after I realized that I was not breathing too easily either.

Thank goodness for the loving men here at "Stress", especially the older one, who as always is a pillar of strength and love. My amazing husband, who is such a beautiful father, actually took our daughter to school today since she has been begging to go all week and came back two hours later to give her a breathing treatment. This all so that she could stay and have lunch with her friends. I am so grateful to have a man like that.

Next week we have an appointment with a Pediatric Pulmonologist who we have heard is excellent and can hopefully help us better understand the triggers and how to control Katie's asthma.



It is horrible thing to watch your child not be able to catch her breathe. I pray that her suffering abates soon and she can once again enjoy her days and sleep all night.

So are mean girls a product of nature or nurture?

This evening, Katie sadly recounted a tale to me that plays out everyday in every school around this country and probably the world....two girls excluding a third in a mean way. Katie was the odd man out this time and it was the first time that this has happened to her or I should say it was the first time that she expressed it to me.

What is it about girls and meanness? Do they have to go hand in hand? Of course I was once a young girl and I remember being in the same position. Both on the receiving end and to my own shame, I also remember excluding others in order to fit into a clique of girls. This is her first taste of what she will find to be the unfortunate rite of passage for most, if not all girls. Why must we be this mean? Friends tell me about their children's experiences, some of which are horrifying! These acts run the gamut from the childish one that my daughter just experienced, to the pointing out of physical differences, such as children pulling on the outside of their eyes to make them look like the eyes of my beautiful children, while yelling "chink, chink", all the way up to physical and mental torture of even greater lengths. One of my co-workers children just experienced extreme cyber bullying in the fifth grade. It was actually pulled off at this tender age in a pathological fashion to cover the crime. That is just crazy to me!

Are we pre-programmed as females to perpetrate these acts of hurt upon each other or are they a learned behavior passed down from mom to daughter, sister to sister or from older girl to younger girl? It may even be that girls overhear and see the mean words and acts that occur between and behind the backs of grown women. Adults have become overly loose about allowing children to hear "adult" talk and their children have become witness to their mean and petty behavior.

Why then, does it seem to be more prevalent within the ranks of girls? Boys are not quite as concerned as girls are about the "fitting in" equation is my guess. I think that goes to lack of self esteem that girls feel and that subject is much bigger than this forum, at least for now. It does seem though that girls are being raised to be clones of each other and not themselves...a huge problem.

Since the day that the children each came into our lives, I have made it my personal agenda to not speak of peoples differences to or in front of my children. I know for a fact that I have become more sensitive in this regard since we are raising two children of a different race than we are, thus making us a multi-racial family. I do not discuss weight or physical attributes in any way shape or form and yet, my daughter has asked me if she can remove her glasses before school since she would be "prettier" without them. I remind her how beautiful she is, both inside and out and that is she did not wear her glasses she could not see all of the wonderful people and surroundings in her life. She then put those glasses right back on her face. Why are children expressing these thoughts at the ages of 4 and 5? Am I out of touch or is this just as shocking to you as well?

Thankfully, Katie seemed to accept my remedy for the situation that she experienced. After telling me that her two girlfriends on the playground at school did not want to play with her and kept running away, I told her that if they chose not to play with her that it was their choice, although not a very good one. She should seek out children that DID want to play with her and I reminded her how many children in her class would fit that bill. My "beautiful on the inside and out" daughter smiled at me and said "I try to be nice to everyone and sometimes if I hurt someones feelings it is because I do not mean it and then I say I am sorry." My girl is not perfect just as her mama is not but beneath that sweet exterior is an even sweeter soul.
Courtesy of nature and nurture.



oh and one more thing...wouldn't the world be a lot better place if we all took Katie's advice and carried it out?

I refuse to raise a mean girl...how about you?

Black and White Wednesday - Angel Face

Today is Black and White Wednesday over at my friend Lisa's blog and I thought of this picture to convert to black and white as it captures my sweet little "angel face" very well. She looks so happy and peaceful here. It is VERY uncommon to see her look any other way. She is the type of person who takes on the world each day with a huge smile that lights up her face. If Katie is cranky then I know something is wrong just as I did yesterday when her asthma blew up again. This morning she looks miserable and she is home for the day.



I love my little angel face and I just hate to see her or any of my children suffer.

Damn Asthma....leave my little girl alone!!!!!

The many faces of The Dynamic Duo

Sometimes, I walk around the house with my camera at in order to catch a moment that I do not want to forget. These were a few shots I took over the course of a day at home this past weekend. Being home for the day is as rare around here as the gloomy look that you will find in one of the pictures but as I always say, there has to be some rain to enjoy the sunshine! Enjoy a little rain and a lot of sunshine!

Contemplative


Peaceful


Grumpy


Meditative


Loving


Silly


Exhilerated


Happy

A Milestone!

Today is my five year Blogoversary. What a great milestone! Thank you to Teena in Toronto for pointing it out to me. I was not even thinking about this anniversary until I got that reminder from Teena on my blackberry as we were leaving Katie's birthday party!

I started this blog on April 10, 2005, which was the month that our dossier was sent to China for Katie Starr. Little did I know that 3 days later, on the other side of the world, our baby was being born. Fate was being played out on two sides of the globe and the end result would change our lives in the best way possible. I hope that our precious Katie Starr Hong Shan feels the same way when she understands her story.

The name of my blog back then was "Journey of a Lifetime" and it truly was. Since then, the blog has morphed into so much more than a diary for a waiting mother; it is a diary our lives , a view into our life as a family and a much needed outlet for me.

Once Katie came home, the blog was renamed "Three and a Highchair" but the addition of Ethan soon changed that name into "Stress is the New Black."

So much has happened in that period of time, for us and for you! My adult son who gave me the present name for this blog (guess he thought I was a tad bit stressed!) has since graduated from The University of Florida, worked awhile, got engaged, married his beautiful wife and is about to graduate from Law School. His little sister Katie Starr has blossomed from a traumatized baby into a beautiful, bright and well adjusted five year old girl and their little brother Ethan is right there with her and continues to amaze us with his resilient personality and kind hearted nature.

We have been through great joy and as life will have it, also great sorrow and it is pretty much all chronicled here. It is a great place to reflect on where we have been and it gives us the clarity to see how we can continue to persevere.

The Blogisphere, which I am a proud member of, has brought me friendships from around the globe. Some of you I have had the honor to meet and sadly, many I have not. One thing is certain though, whether you blog yourself or read along and have never blogged, you are all an important part of this story. Hopefully, one that will continue on for many years to come.

If you want to take a look back at those first few posts in April of 2005 then please click here and enjoy the ride down memory lane. I sure did.

Siblings and Best Friends

Back to work!

When Ethan came home we immediately contacted both early intervention as well as a private occupational and speech therapists. Our biggest concern was that Ethan was not eating and he had severe oral aversion. His pediatrician labeled him as failure to thrive and at 2 1/2 years old and 17 pounds that label seemed to hit the nail on the head.

His first six months home, Ethan had speech, occupational and developmental therapies several times a week. He then transitioned into the Three and up program, which is an all day preschool based program housed in the Elementary school. It is speech and development intensive. A few months later his wonderful OT, Miss Roni discharged him with words of caution. She had taken him pretty much as far as she could at that stage of the game but there may be times in the future that he would need to see her or another OT again as issues warranted

Well, the time to go back seems to have come; we are back in OT again. We have noticed that his strength is not what it should be and it affects so much of his day to day life. It was obvious that we needed to have him assessed again. He has a strange and labored gait as he runs, his balance is very poor, he cannot throw a ball properly and he cannot hop on one foot among other deficiencies. The final straw was dropped this past weekend as we took the kids to a local field to ride bikes and they wanted to try to ride without their training wheels. Katie did great and Ethan....well, not so much. He could not even keep the bike up for a fraction of a second on his own. He is so tenacious though and he kept trying. We had to explain to him that we would work on strengthening his muscles so that he could do it too. Poor little guy looked so sad....

The bright side is that Miss Roni assessed him and she feels that she can help him build all of these skills pretty quickly. The other bright side is that I have been working for Miss Roni and her partner, Miss Sandra the speech therapist for about three months as their office manager, so I know what magic is worked in that clinic on a daily basis. She was also nice enough to provide these services as a benefit to me and not charge for them. I was so touched and grateful since money is still a concern.

When we first brought Ethan home, our biggest worry was his health and even his life. He was in such sad shape. Now we get to see him become a active participant in his own treatment. He has such a zest for life and we know that this will allow him to build his strength and his confidence very quickly. Roni has also suggested that some of his super mischievous behavior may be a coping technique that he has adapted to compensate for his not feeling a very strong sense of himself and his own power. We love his fun loving personality but know that helping him to tone it down will serve him well as he gets older.

Onward and Upward is the motto for the day! I will keep you updated on his progress.