Still Waters Run Deep

While cleaning Katie's desk of her hundreds of masterpieces, in order to make way for all of the masterpieces to come, this is one of the more interesting pieces that I found.


I did not know whether to laugh or cry.  My little girl seems to be a bit fascinated with the Bieber!  I am still digesting this newest find and contemplating the future.  Can't we just freeze time and keep my baby innocent forever?  I already know the answer to that but I still hear that refrain in my head over and over when stuff like this pops up.  The crazy thing is that I really shelter the kids quite a bit to preserve their innocence and they have no older siblings in the home to influence them.  I cannot even imagine what would be if I wasn't the way that I am....perish the thought!


P.S.  Katie just walked in on me and saw this post with the pic and could not figure out why it was on the computer screen.  She looked at me and through her laughter said..."and how did you get that on there you sneaky mommy!?!"  


Oh man, this girl is gonna give us a run for our money!

To Do List

Making a list may help to keep me on track so here is my top ten list of things to get accomplished in November besides all of the usual stuff:

1) Complete my blog a day project for the Month of November...even if it kills me!
 

2) Organize my desk at home, which has reached epic status...and not in a good way!  My closet as well!
 

3) Begin holiday shopping.  That takes money so it may not happen until December.
 

4) Get back to my photography, which has taken a back seat to my other obligations.
 

5) Plan some time away with Marc for early next year.  We desperately need it.
 

6) Prepare for our annual garage sale in December. (Our trash is your treasure ;-)
 

7) Buy some new shoes...mama really needs a new pair!  This also reminds me that the kids need cleats for soccer.  **Mama may not get her new shoes.
 

8) Go through the kids stuff before the holidays and pare it all down to what is actually still being worn and used (see #6)
 

9) Work my ass off to get my final tally up for the Vision Walk on November 12th!
 

10) Find some "me" time!  (This one hardly seems possible)

What's on your to do list this month?

I always say that raising children is not for the faint of heart

....and it is not!

Tonight was one of the most terrifying nights of my life.  Katie and her team were in the Cheer-Off and tonight was their finale performance; one that they had prepared for for several weeks.  While the girls were waiting to go on for their performance, they were all doing cartwheels and handstands. Katie did a handstand that had too much force and she went over and hit her head and back hard on the ground and at the same time! She knocked the wind out of herself and she was also knocked unconscious for a few moments. I ran around the fence to get to her and the wonderful dad's on our team sprang into action over the fence to also get to her. By mere happenstance they both have paramedic training.  They also thought she may have had a seizure so 911 was immediately called and the paramedics came.  She was ultimately cleared and my brave girl chose to cheer in her final competition!  They ended up with the trophy for the best performance and I ended up with another 100 gray hairs!  Marc was working so he missed the whole horrible ordeal....UGH!!!

Poor Ethan was devastated as he watched all of this go down.  When we got back from the ambulance he was sobbing.  He and his sister are so devoted to each other.  He was besides himself.  After I calmed him down and both children were not looking I just sobbed in my parents arms. 

I am so grateful that they were there for me as well as all of the families of the girls that Katie cheers with.  They are so wonderful and they sprang into action for Katie like she was one of their children.  They were amazing!

So today, on this 4th day of Thanksgiving I am thankful that Katie is OK after such an awful accident!

The girls did just great.  Here is a video of their performance.  I was kneeling in a very awkward location, just trying to squeeze in to get my video.  It is a bit shaky and then I went pretty far to the right at the end, but this film will still give you a taste of their performance!

Thank G-d things worked out OK.  Hug your children a little closer tonight.  Life can change in the blink of an eye!

Note:  Katie is the second little girl from the right.

Trying to Pull Rank

This conversation took place two days ago over breakfast......

Katie:  "Mommy, am I in charge of Ethan when you and daddy are not home?" 

Me: "We are pretty much always here and if by chance we are not then we have someone taking care of you....and why should you be in charge anyway since you are the same age as  Ethan?"

Katie:  "Because I am over 2 months older and taller than Ethan!"

Me:  "That does not make you in charge!"

Ethan:  "See Katie....your not my boss!!" 

Katie:  Looking a little peeved and not convinced at all did not pursue the issue at hand....

Two days later.....

Katie:  Can you and Daddy go to the bathroom at the same time so that I can be in charge?!?

The laughter that was probably heard all over our neighborhood was probably a good indication to her as to the answer to that question.

A W E S O M E ! !

Approximately 2.5 months ago, six little girls (including Katie Starr) came together to form a cheerleading team.  They were shy, tentative and cheering was anything but natural for them.

In short order these same six little girls became a team...a loud, confident and energetic bunch who not only cheer as a cohesive group but are quite honestly.........
A W E S O M E!  

There have been loads of practices and games all leading up to the final Cheer-Off, which takes place this Friday night.  They have a routine that they have practiced to the point that every mom and dad in our group can do it as well...heck, Katie's loyal fan Ethan knows it as well as they do!

Tonight was our final practice and we wrapped it up with a pizza party.  It was a wonderful final get together before the grand finale.  It is not goodbye though...the girls and their families have formed a wonderful bond...one that will outlast the final cheer of the season!

Go Colts!!

It is National Blog Posting Month!

November is the month where many people try to post each and every day on their blog.  Once again, I am going to participate.  I loved the last go round which was back in 2009.  I have been quite erratic with my posting for about a year.  If I trace it back, it probably will lead me back to the month or so after we received Katie's diagnosis.  Life seemed to go into overdrive, even more than normal, and I did not have any desire to blog frequently.

A year later I have a much different focus.  My main focus is my family.  But the other important very important focus of my life is to raise awareness and money for the Foundation Fighting Blindness so that our daughter does not lose her sight.  I am also in the process of trying to find a lab who will test her DNA sample promptly so that we can begin the process of identifying the gene that has caused this disease that she inherited.

If you have been a regular reader for the past 6.5 years or are have found me more recently; please join me in raising awareness and money by clicking on my link below, reading the whole story and joining with me to fund a treatment or cure for this amazing little girl; our Katie Starr!  Oh and one more thing....I will see you each and every day of November so please check back in on me!

The Katie Starr Team

Beginning to get it!

The dissemination of life altering information to children is surely a long and winding road.  Our newest challenge is slowly allowing Katie to realize that she will lose her sight if a treatment or cure for her condition is not found.  We have barely scratched the surface on that revelation.  My gut tells me to go at her pace.  I feel that this is the best way and  all of the informed advice that I have received; most especially from adults who have had the same diagnosis since childhood and are now blind, has assured me that she will guide me as she is ready.

The subject that is bubbling up in our home again these days in not about eyesight but the other big issue.... adoption.

Katie brought it up again as I was washing her hair today.  Without any thought, I asked her "Katie, where did you get all of this beautiful hair?" As I said it, I realized just how thoughtless the question was.  I guess deep down I truly forget that she was not born to us.  I would have asked the same thing of Justin and he would have answered "from you mom...or from dad!"  Katie's answer to me was......"I got it from the orphanage!"  My heart sank!  "No, Katie...you got your beautiful hair from the mommy and daddy that gave you life."  "True", she said..."I think that they had poor eyesight too!"  More heart sinkage.....

This led to an ongoing discussion between our two little ones as Ethan sat drying himself off and Katie was still in the shower.

Katie:  "My mommy and daddy in China gave me away because they were poor."

Me:  "That may or may not be true...remember I told you that there are many reasons why your birth parents could not take care of you or could not keep you with them...one reason could be that they were very poor and could not properly take care of a child and they are many others reasons as well; including the law in China about having more than one child."

I have never told them about the "one child policy" before, as I have always thought it was a bit more than they could grasp and today it seemed that the time was right to touch upon it.  I explained that in China, for many years, it was against the law to have more than one child and that if people did so, then they were unable to keep the child.

Ethan was incensed by this news.  "The law in China is bad!!"  "They are bad in China and they do bad things!!"  I explained that this was not true.  That true, it is was NOT a good law at all but that the government had to come up with a solution since there were more people in China than food to feed them all.  He asked me how I knew that THEY (Katie and Ethan) needed a home and I told him that we wanted to adopt babies and that we were lucky enough after asking the officials in China, to be given the opportunity to be their mommy and daddy.  I explained that they are many good people in China and  that those people want the children to have loving homes and that surely their birth parents would be happy to know that they WILL BE BE LOVED FOREVER.

They both agreed with that fact.  Ethan then left the room to get dressed and I then asked Katie if she ever thought about her birth mommy or daddy.  She said that she did....that she dreamed about them and that they looked just like her.  She mentioned the fact that they had poor eyesight again.  Pretty amazing that she realizes the tie in there.  I am not sure if she really dreams about them or she felt it was the right thing to say at the time but I just wanted her to realize that at some point she will be thinking about them and that is OK to do so.  I also want her to be able to share it with us if she wants to.  Ethan heard the exchange as well as he was walked back in.

I finished up by saying to both children that mommy, daddy and the whole family were so lucky that we adopted both of them into our family and that they were stuck with us....whether they liked it or not!  This made them both laugh.  I did not feel like laughing but I acted like I did as well.

Why do the facts of life have to be so freaking painful?  I love all three of my children so deeply and they have all had to deal with very painful realities.  Once again, I am left hoping that the way that I am dealing with it now will be beneficial in the future.  I do know that the love I have for them guides me and moves me to do the very best that I can by them.

Please oh please let it be good enough.....

The Katie Starr Team

Katie Starr

We are back in the saddle again and gearing up for the 2011 South Florida Vision Walk.  This year I have been asked to be the Walk Chair and I am honored to take on that task.  In 2010, the team with the greatest amount of supporters and who raised the greatest amount of money was our team......

The Katie Starr Team

This year, it is more important than ever to be a part of this important fundraising event.  I have spoken to many doctors and scientists over the past year and they all say that the cutting edge research that is taking place right now is, day by day, uncovering the mysteries and unlocking the key to vision for those afflicted with hereditary blindness like our precious daughter, Katie Starr.  The Foundation Fighting Blindness is leading the way by funding these important clinical trials that are our hope for her and so many others.

There are so many important causes that deserve your money.  I personally donate to many of them myself.  I ask you to look into your heart and remember those like my daughter who will face a life in the dark without your help.  I know in my heart that our girl will be just fine no matter what happens to her vision....that is just who she is.  Marc and I, like all other loving parents just don't want life to be that much more difficult for her with that additional barrier in her way.  We will do everything in our power to keep the lights on for her, so I am asking you directly and I also ask you to ask your friends to please choose to give to this worthwhile cause and if you can....walk in solidarity with us on November 12th in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Click here for the details: 

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Please find it in your heart to help....

Telling Secrets

Being the parents of virtual twins has been nothing short of amazing...so amazing in fact that I have been wondering why all children do not come into the world two by two!  Katie Starr and Ethan have been best friends from the moment that Katie fed Ethan her cheerios at the Civil Affairs Office in Nanchang, Jiangxi on Ethan's adoption day in 2007.  They share pretty much everything and quite willingly I might add.  I am not sure if they have some amazing mojo together or if it is just our amazing parenting (smirk) .  It really doesn't matter though because the end result is the same!

Now to the chink in the armor; the proverbial other shoe that always drops.

Today, Marc and I got a glimpse as to our future and it is a bit unnerving!

The downside to virtual twins that get along this well is........

They are Co-Conspirators and they keep secrets!!!!  I guess our rose colored bi-focals somehow chose not to see that!

Here is the gist of a conversation that Marc caught today from just around the corner from where they were playing:

Katie:  "Ethan, I am going to tell you a secret but you can't tell Anybody!!!"

Ethan:  Always the willing accomplice, "OK, what is is Katie?"

Katie:  "Julian in my classroom asked me to marry him!"

Ethan:  "He wants to kiss you?!?!?"  "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!"

Katie:  "He doesn't want to kiss me...HE WANTS TO MARRY ME!!!"

There is no kissing in marriage?!?

Marc popped his head around the corner and and was going to ask what they were talking about.  Katie started to launch into one of her cheers from her cheerleading team to cover up her secret....OH MY!  Then Marc asked her and she spilled her guts and told him.  Of course, he told her that she is waaay to young to get married and to now even think about it again until she is 30...LOL.

These two always have their heads together, whether they are playing or helping around the house and most especially when they share quiet time together.  I can see that the two of us are going to need to stay pretty sharp to keep up with the two of them.

One thing is for sure....it will be very interesting in our home for the next 12 years or so.....stay tuned!

How much is too much?

We have been giving some thought to an allowance for the two 6 year old's.  The subject has come up quite a bit of late and this is what we have come up with...

Every day or so it seems we hear the cry of "look at this (insert any product here)...can I have that?"  It is natural since everywhere they turn they are bombarded with the perfect "thing" that will simply change their lives. The Madison Avenue advertising machine is working quite well thank you and it's impact is felt in my home as I am sure in most of yours.  Impressionable young children, naive in this consumer society that we live in, only want to succumb to the latest trend that is all the craze or to own the latest toy or electronic item this season.

We think the time has come to begin an allowance so that some understanding that there is no money tree in our back yard can come into play.  They do not get most things that they want; other than what they receive for presents at holiday time and the once in a great blue moon when we just want to do something special for our two very good kiddos. The only way to really learn about money is to have it.  Now that they are in the first grade and their wants have gotten greater, we think the time has come to give them some money management tools to help them sort it out.  I learned a great deal about this when I parented Justin and I think I did well, as he is a good money manager.  His downfall though is the same as my own and that is electronic gadgets.  Back in the day there were not as many as there are now, but I did indulge myself in quite a few when my means were greater.  This is where the recession and the impact that it has had on our pocketbook may come in handy.  The children do not see us buying every new gadget on the market.  We simply cannot do that now....it's probably a very good thing.

I cannot for the life of me remember how much we gave Justin to start off but after doing some research online about this subject, it seems that a reasonable amount to begin with is one half of their age.  $3.00 for the 6 year old's seems like the right amount and we will ask them to contribute a bit towards Tzedakah (charity) each week to help them to learn to power of helping others in money and in deed.

I think that amount will also help them with a bit of delayed gratification, as it take a bit of time to save up for a "bigger or better" item at that rate.  I also like the idea of having it tied to assisting us with the purchase of other discretionary items such as refreshments at the movies or vacation souvenirs as examples.  Just a bit mind you but enough to understand that there really is no money fairy waving a wand to make all those things possible.

Also, we are not going to tie it to chores as we believe that the message that we want to continue to ingrain is that we all pitch in around the house as a family.  That is just what is expected and money is not going to be the reward for it.  If there is a much larger chore that we ask then there may be a reward for that, but it will not be the norm.  That is also a difference from the past for me.  Older and wiser I hope.

I hope that this combination helps them to make wise choices but I know that there will be some tweaking as we grow.  We just want to give them the best foot forward down this very treacherous road; one filled with so many glittery and desired items beckoning to them with their promise of momentary satisfaction and lots of long term pain in terms of repayment; over and over again on credit.

Been there...done that....want more for my children!

I am sure that you do too....

More adoption talk

Sometimes the unlikeliest places can become the backdrop to discussions about adoption.  I am always a bit caught off guard when it happens in strange settings like it did today in a fast food restaurant.

I was with a friend at a local MickeyD's with her two kiddos and the DD.  One of hers is also adopted but that was not what started the conversation; Kung Fu Panda did!  The sequels toys are in the happy meals and even though I do not usually go the happy meal route, I decided to give them something special today.  The toys began a discussion about China and then the following revelations came from Katie Starr....

Katie:  "What do Chinese eyes look like?"

Me:  "They are beautiful...just like yours."

Katie:  "What makes them Chinese?"

Me:  "Asian people which includes people from China in most cases have an extra fold of skin on their eyelids."

Katie:  "Why don't you have Chinese eyes?"

Me:  "Because I am not from China and you do because you are."

Katie:  "I want your eyes to look like mine." (She looked so sad and I y heart began to sink into my stomach)

Me:  "I would love to have eyes that are as beautiful as yours but remember...you were not in my tummy so we do not look alike."

Katie:  "I wish I was in your tummy."

Me:  "Me too baby but you were born in my heart and I am your mommy and will love you forever.  That is all that really matters.  We do not have to look like each other to be mommy and daughter."

She did not look very thrilled with my answers and the other kids seemed oblivious to this conversation amidst the din of the restaurant and their own conversation.  My friend then spoke and reaffirmed that we are all individuals that we all have differences but all of our differences are beautiful.

Yup, all of this in a MickyD's.  Lots of stuff going on all of the times in little their heads, whether we choose to see it or not.  If we choose not to, then they will eventually let us know what is weighing on them.

Probably could have used something a bit stronger than my usual Diet Coke after that conversation...

Five years on the way to forever!

It has been five years since that amazing day; May 14th, 2006, when our daughter was placed into our arms and lives forever.  She had lived in our hearts long before that....a dream soon to be realized.

It was mother's day, 2006.  We woke up VERY early in the morning in a hotel room in Beijing.  Marc, Justin and I were on our way to Lanzhou, Gansu Province to meet the newest addition to our family.  Justin had graduated from UF just days earlier and now this newest path, was being laid down before us.  We had spent three days in Beijing, taking in the sights and sounds as well as trying to acclimate ourselves to this very exotic locale and the huge time difference.   We had accomplished much of what we had set out to and we were eager to get started, so we packed, ate breakfast and waited to get the go ahead to board the bus with the several other families that would become our adoption family and head to the airport.

The flight itself was pretty routine, other than the crazy descent to the top of a mountain where the airport was located.  The butterflies in our tummies were outta control at the thought of the life changing moment that lay ahead.  As soon as we landed and disembarked, the reality of this day really hit all of us; most especially the new daddy to be.  We were walking through the terminal and he stopped for a moment and told us how excited and terrified he was.  I think it was less so for me because I was already an experienced parent.  I have so much empathy for what a first time parent goes through as they take on this massive life change in a completely foreign environment, away from home and loved ones and with a baby who is actively grieving the loss of the only life they have ever known.

We all collected ourselves and joined our group as we gathered our baggage and loaded the bus for the one hour drive through the Gansu desert on our way to the capitol city and our hotel.  We arrived at 2:15 pm and we were told to get to the local store quickly to purchase any last minute supplies that we may need for ourselves and our babies.  We had to be back to the hotel before 3:00 pm as that was when the babies were scheduled to arrive at the hotel.  We all walked/ran to our destination and back only to find that the babies were already there.  We entered the room and in a matter of a couple of minutes we spotted Katie Starr from afar.  She looked exhausted from the long ride and had a big bump on her forehead from falling just the day before.  We eventually found out that she was taking her first steps when she fell.

The next I remember, our names were called, passports and other indentification was compared to make sure our daughter was the one that we were matched with and BAM...she was placed in my arms and she fell asleep promptly.  I was quite worried about that because I new if she woke up in a strange place with people she did not know it would be very traumatic.  I was correct but that is another story for another day.

The experience was life altering and quite surreal.  Our emotions were off the charts!  For the next 5 days in Lanzhou and then 4 more in Guangzhou we bonded with each other, with the other families and we tended to a very sickly Katie Starr who became so sick by the end of the trip that we had to go to the hospital for treatment and clearance to take the day long trip to get home.  Parenthood started with a bang and the thrill ride continues.  Parenthood is a marathon and not a sprint.  We are head over heels for our children and wholeheartedly in it for everything that we are given; the great times, the bad times, the healthy times, the sick times and all the very ordinary times in between.  All of our children are a precious gift.  The gift of Katie is a rare one.  She is quite simply an amazing and radiant human being.  I am not bragging but just stating a fact when I state that I have never dealt with as pleasant a personality as one that is possessed by this child.  Her bonding in the beginning was a tricky and long road but boy oh boy is she a loving and attached child now.  She adores all of us and she and I share a beautiful mother-daughter bond that I am thankful for with my whole heart for every day of my life.  The last five years have been amazing and the only thing that I would change if I could, would be to take away the health issues that she struggles with.  I pray one day that she is able to grow out of some of them and that a cure or a viable treatment is found for her sight disease.

This day though is for celebrating and celebrate we have!  We have had two celebratory meals (food is always a part of every celebration in our family) and we have looked at pictures, videos and mementos of that trip and that amazing day.

Katie said something to me today that both amazed me and touched me to my very core.  She said, "Mommy, I love my forever day much more than my birthday...do you know why?"  "Why Katie", I inquired.  "Because my forever day was the day that I got my wonderful family who will be with me forever!"

Happy 5th anniversary precious Starr!  As we tell you every day...we love you to infinity and beyond and we WILL be there forever!

Are they REALLY brother and sister?

I was ranting a bit on facebook recently about this very question; one that I get more than you can imagine.  After blowing off a little steam about it and the many strangers that feel the need to inquire about matters that are none of their business, I began to think about my children's bond.

What makes Katie Starr and Ethan brother and sister?

Everything that makes children that share genetics brother and sister; except for the genetics. 

That is it!  They lack the same DNA and blood...big deal!

What they share is parents.  

They share a home.

They share a family.

They share their friends.

They share their toys...and I mean really share!

They share a bath tub.

They share a sense of humor...well, mostly Katie but Ethan is getting one as well.

They share a school; heck they even share a grade.

They used to share a room and wish they still did.

They share their imagination....with each other....constantly.

They share a desire to learn.

They share a birth country that is not shared with us...or many others in this country.

They share a religion.

They share the holidays.

They share a love and devotion to their parents, brother, sister-in law, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

They share so many things....

Mostly what they share is a deep and abiding love for each other; one that is truly like no other that I have ever seen between siblings.  There are days that the loyalty and devotion that I see between them brings tears to my eyes.  They are there for each other, have each others back and miss each other like crazy cakes when they are apart.

Simply put.........Katie Starr and Ethan REALLY are brother and sister!  

That was their destiny and it is our good fortune to be a part of it.

I need to get back in the saddle again

and start posting on this blog that is.  It has been way too long.  I post every night on my 365 Photography blog and it seems that my creativity is only extending to my photography these days.  The written word has taken a back seat and it is really not a good thing.  Marc has asked me to post on the blog again.  He loves that I am keeping this journal of our lives together and hated the idea of me letting it go to the way side.  He is right so here we go...

Here is a snapshot of life at "Stress" over the past few months......

Marc and I are moving in the right direction work wise. His business has picked way up again and I have a new position with a local University. I am the Clinic Support Coordinator of the audiology clinic. I am happy there. My supervisors provide a supportive work environment and the students that study and work there are wonderful. I finally have good health benefits and that is quite a relief; especially with the health concerns that Katie Starr has.

That brings me to the DD; Katie Starr and Ethan are doing really well in school. Katie has taken to Kindergarten like a duck to water and is already ready for first grade. Ethan has had to work a bit harder but for Ethan that is just the way he operates....working hard is no problem for him and he is really picking up the pace.

Katie's health concerns are still there. Her asthma has been quite troublesome and the winter season is quite stressful when it comes to asthma. I am so glad that summer is coming. As far as her eyesight, we have her next "all day" evaluation down at Bascolm Palmer Eye Institute on the 22nd of this month. I am praying for no decline but obviously will have to accept whatever comes and roll with the punches. Katie has brand new glasses and sun glasses that a wonderful friend (met through adoption) provided to us at no cost. I have the most amazing friends in the world and count my blessings every day.

I have accepted the responsibility of Vision Walk Chair for the 2011 Walk for the Foundation Fighting Blindness. We are setting off our first organizational kick off meeting and I hope we get the same kind of support that we received last year when we first received the heartbreaking news of Katie's eye issues. We raised a great deal of money and I hope to surpass that this coming year. I am ready to get the ball rolling.

Ethan is doing well but is experiencing some post trauma issues in the form of overly fixating on things; most especially food so we will again be entering him into play therapy. I just received a list of approved counselors from my insurance and my goal is to get him started next week. His emotional health is as important as his physical, which thankfully has posed no real concerns since his successful open heart surgery.

The *bigs* (J and J) are happily ensconced in their new home and jobs. Not too much to report other than Justin is gearing up for his bar exam this summer. Fingers crossed!

The big news is that I am turning the big *50* this month and Marc is throwing me a big party. I know nothing other than the date; not even where it is. I know one thing though...it will be memorable. Marc is such a thoughtful and loving husband. I feel very blessed to have him by my side as we navigate this roller coaster of a life.

I will finish off this post by sharing a picture of  us and the DD that I took a couple of months back. You can follow my 365 (Photo every day for a year) project) here and I promise to be back more frequently from here on in. This was my first blog baby and I don't want to neglect her again.

Five Years since we saw her face for the very first time!

I documented the fifth anniversary of referral day on my photography blog this year.  You can view it HERE!

Katie's face and story will make a difference!

Katie Starr is the 2011 face of the Foundation Fighting Blindness. Her image and story are on all of their membership materials. This was the letter from me that was enclosed with the membership package. If you would like to become a member of the Foundation Fighting Blindness and make a tax deductible contribution that will help aid the research towards treatment and possibly a cure for hereditary blindness, please go to Katie Starr's link. Every dollar counts....more than you will ever know!  

Thank you,  The Katie Starr Team

Xin Nian Kuai Le!!

Our DD are very proud to be Chinese American and were thrilled to be able to share their culture with their teachers and school mates today. 

We are so proud of them.

Our family wishes you a Happy Year of the Rabbit....a very very lucky year!

Pain Uncovered

Tonight Katie was reading a book to Ethan and I about a little boy who had the Chicken Pox.  As the story unfolded, Ethan began to ask me questions about what Chicken Pox are and how do you get them.  Ethan has always been a probing questioner and I thought that this was just the beginning of the usual barrage of questions that are precipitated by some new concept.  I was wrong.  This question would lead us down a path of discussion that I did not anticipate.

I began to answer his questions about Chicken Pox as soon as the story was done.  I explained what they were and I also told him that he had them when he was still in China.  The thought of this seemed to really upset him; much more than I knew at the time.  He got very quiet which is quite unlike him and then about a minute later he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.  I asked him what was wrong; why was he so sad?  I could see that he was doing everything in his power to hold the tears back and so I told him that if he was sad that he could tell me what was upsetting him.  He began to cry very hard and told me that he was sad and scared when he was in China and was sick with the Chicken Pox.  He kept asking why he got them there and where were we?!?  I tried to explain in the simplest of terms that we wanted to be there so badly but that we were waiting on permission from the officials in China to come and adopt him.  He kept re[eating over and over about about how he was so scared he was when he was sick and that why did those people in China not let us come to get him quicker.....it totally broke my heart.  I just held him close and told affirmed that of course he was scared but that he need never be scared again, as he would always have him family around him when he was sick forever and ever.

I know in my heart that this deeply buried memory was really of when he was in the hospital with no one by his side for well over a month for his open heart surgery.  How much pain did he endure without so much as a loving touch?  How may days did he wake up in pain with no one to tell him that it was all going to be OK and be by his side?  He does not consciously remember this but his psyche sure does and that experience lives inside him and impacts how he deals with the world on a daily basis.  He has many coping mechanisms that he exercises each day and that we are trying to help him resolve.

We started him in play therapy about 2 months ago and took a break due to finances but now that my new insurance has kicked in we are going to be starting again.  I know there are so many feelings that our little guy needs to work through but I am grateful that he felt safe enough with me tonight to begin to release the pain.

Closing Day!

My kids have just closed on their first home.

I had the good fortune to be not only the Realtor who facilitated the purchase of the home but also the photographer at the closing table.

There are lots of great deals out there but getting them closed is much more of challenge than ever. 

Thankfully, good things come to those who wait and are patient.

My belief is that life hands you sweet moments; moments that are pure joy!

I am thankful that I was a part of their joy today.

I think that my son looks very "lawyerly" here!

Congratulations to Justin and Judy.  May your life be filled with many joyful moments!

PS  A special thank you to my dear friend Kira who was the closer on this transaction.  She was amazing!