Sunday, October 23, 2011

Beginning to get it!

The dissemination of life altering information to children is surely a long and winding road.  Our newest challenge is slowly allowing Katie to realize that she will lose her sight if a treatment or cure for her condition is not found.  We have barely scratched the surface on that revelation.  My gut tells me to go at her pace.  I feel that this is the best way and  all of the informed advice that I have received; most especially from adults who have had the same diagnosis since childhood and are now blind, has assured me that she will guide me as she is ready.

The subject that is bubbling up in our home again these days in not about eyesight but the other big issue.... adoption.

Katie brought it up again as I was washing her hair today.  Without any thought, I asked her "Katie, where did you get all of this beautiful hair?" As I said it, I realized just how thoughtless the question was.  I guess deep down I truly forget that she was not born to us.  I would have asked the same thing of Justin and he would have answered "from you mom...or from dad!"  Katie's answer to me was......"I got it from the orphanage!"  My heart sank!  "No, got your beautiful hair from the mommy and daddy that gave you life."  "True", she said..."I think that they had poor eyesight too!"  More heart sinkage.....

This led to an ongoing discussion between our two little ones as Ethan sat drying himself off and Katie was still in the shower.

Katie:  "My mommy and daddy in China gave me away because they were poor."

Me:  "That may or may not be true...remember I told you that there are many reasons why your birth parents could not take care of you or could not keep you with reason could be that they were very poor and could not properly take care of a child and they are many others reasons as well; including the law in China about having more than one child."

I have never told them about the "one child policy" before, as I have always thought it was a bit more than they could grasp and today it seemed that the time was right to touch upon it.  I explained that in China, for many years, it was against the law to have more than one child and that if people did so, then they were unable to keep the child.

Ethan was incensed by this news.  "The law in China is bad!!"  "They are bad in China and they do bad things!!"  I explained that this was not true.  That true, it is was NOT a good law at all but that the government had to come up with a solution since there were more people in China than food to feed them all.  He asked me how I knew that THEY (Katie and Ethan) needed a home and I told him that we wanted to adopt babies and that we were lucky enough after asking the officials in China, to be given the opportunity to be their mommy and daddy.  I explained that they are many good people in China and  that those people want the children to have loving homes and that surely their birth parents would be happy to know that they WILL BE BE LOVED FOREVER.

They both agreed with that fact.  Ethan then left the room to get dressed and I then asked Katie if she ever thought about her birth mommy or daddy.  She said that she did....that she dreamed about them and that they looked just like her.  She mentioned the fact that they had poor eyesight again.  Pretty amazing that she realizes the tie in there.  I am not sure if she really dreams about them or she felt it was the right thing to say at the time but I just wanted her to realize that at some point she will be thinking about them and that is OK to do so.  I also want her to be able to share it with us if she wants to.  Ethan heard the exchange as well as he was walked back in.

I finished up by saying to both children that mommy, daddy and the whole family were so lucky that we adopted both of them into our family and that they were stuck with us....whether they liked it or not!  This made them both laugh.  I did not feel like laughing but I acted like I did as well.

Why do the facts of life have to be so freaking painful?  I love all three of my children so deeply and they have all had to deal with very painful realities.  Once again, I am left hoping that the way that I am dealing with it now will be beneficial in the future.  I do know that the love I have for them guides me and moves me to do the very best that I can by them.

Please oh please let it be good enough.....