Marking One Year with Ethan

Wow, just typing that title brought tears to my eyes...this is not going to be an easy one but then again nothing much really has been easy this past year.

When I make that statement, it is not a negative one at all.

Please try to imagine what it would be like to be taken abruptly from the lifeless vacuum that our boy was languishing in to the life that he has now, within the bosom of our family. You can only imagine what that would be like. If you are someone who has no concept of what it is to adopt a child from such a situation then you would think..."Hey, that kid hit the jackpot!" Believe me when I tell you, we have heard that statement or similar statements plenty of times. I guess that there is a kernel of truth in those words but it is so much more complex than that. The lifeless vacuum was all that Xiao Zhi Qing knew for over two years and even though it was not serving him well, it was what he knew. He did not know us, these strange, funny looking, strange smelling, weird sounding people that came in with their little girl (also adopted from China) to bring him home to become part of their forever family. That little girl that they brought with them only wanted to boss him around and then be very jealous of him all at the same time.

Is it hitting the jackpot to lose your birth parents at 6 months old, to be born with two severe congenital heart defects, to live in two institutions and have several different caregivers in the course of 2 1/2 years, to be severely neglected for a long time and to end up leaving the country and culture of your birth without your consent, even if for your better good? I would say that Ethan did not hit the jackpot but I would also say in all modesty that his luck changed for the better on that difficult day one year ago.

During those first very difficult days, I honestly have to say that I questioned whether I was equipped to parent a child with the kind of deficits and "autistic like" behaviors that "Ethan" demonstrated. I, along with Marc took it literally a moment at a time and my Mother, who was with us on the trip was smart enough and sweet enough to say nothing and just gently encourage me to keep going. I later found out that she was as afraid as I was, she did not want to scare me. She did not realize how scared I already was. We gingerly sidestepped any discussion that would address the fear that we both felt.

When it was time to come home, Ethan was swept up into the loving arms of family and friends who not only wanted to have him be a part of them but to support all of his and our efforts to make him whole.

He came home to begin the arduous tasks of teaching him to eat, walk steadily, regain his inborn reflexes, speak, run, jump and develop into a boy that would meet his potential.

With us by his side, he has mastered most of those tasks and is presently gaining speed on his development and speech, with the help of an amazing public preschool program for speech and developmentally delayed children.

He has developed a strong sibling bond with Katie and a true love for his big brother Justin.

He has developed a strong attachment to us over the course of the year. First to his Daddy who is his hero, and more recently to Mommy. I cannot tell you what his hard won devotion has meant.

Most importantly, he has taught us the amazing gifts of patience, acceptance, hard work and unconditional love. There is no one in this world that can infuriate me and inspire me within a five minute space of time like he can. Ethan has maddening habits brought about by his tough start but I think that his most difficult qualities are the ones that helped him to survive his darkest days and still serve him well in his day to day life. Ethan is also hysterically funny and is as cute as the day is long. Believe me when I tell you that he uses those two qualities to charm all whom he meets.

I want to take this opportunity to thank a few people who have helped us so much over the course of the past year.

First to my husband who is my rock and is steadfast in his love and nurture of me and of our children.

Thank you Mom and Dad, you have both been such a source of support to us and are devoted to the children. Dad, thank you for taking up the slack in the business while I tended to Ethan's therapies and while I commit myself to the raising of these children. I love you both so much.

Thank you to my mother in law and father in law, Brenda and Al who will drop anything and everything to watch the children if we need them and are devoted to them as well.

To Justin for also helping fill in the gaps when needed and for being such a loving and devoted big brother and to Judy, our future daughter in law, for taking on the new role of loving big sister in our family. You cannot even imagine how J and J light up the Dynamic Duo's life.

To the DD's "Honorary Grandmother", Aunt Shirley who totally loves our children and to Marc's Uncle Howard who is devoted to them as well.

To my sister, Jane who has huge soft spot for our mischief man and whose love and support I rely upon a great deal. Love you Missy Lil Sissy!

To my friend Shannon and her loving family. Shannon and Al are Ethan's godparents and are devoted to him as well as Katie. We love you guys!

To my friend Kira, who is Katie's godmother and has been there for me for the past 15years in every way possible. She is my biggest cheerleader other than my family.

To my friends, Kim, Mary and Sherri who kept me off the ledge while I was in China. Of course that is not said literally. I was not ready to jump but they sure helped me keep my sanity during some very dark days.

Thank you to my FCC South Florida Family and my blogging friends whom I love very much!

Most of all, thank you Ethan for teaching me to be more than I ever knew that I could be. You have taught me lessons in life I never even knew that I needed to learn and you along with Katie and Justin have given me the greatest gift of all....to know the pure love of parenthood.

Happy First Forever Day ~ Ethan Frederick Zhiqing!

Ethan - One Year Ago

Ethan - Celebrating One Amazing Year with our family!