The questions begin in earnest... UPDATED 6/26

Since the very beginning, we have had a certain background dialogue running about adoption for both of our children. During those VERY early moments when we first adopted them, the one sided dialogue was mostly for our own sake. It is a lot easier to discuss the tough things in life with a little practice under your belt, if for no other reason than it helps make it sound more natural the more you talk about it. They both know that they are adopted and that they are from China. Katie went with us at 2 1/2 years old to adopt Ethan, so that made the idea a bit more concrete for her. As far as they both know though, all babies come from China, are adopted and come home on an airplane. Of course, they are still too young to talk about the really tough stuff like abandonment, birth parents, orphanages, foster families as well as the circumstances in China or other such possibilities, but I can see that is coming down the pike just a bit more quickly than this mama would like it to. It breaks my heart to think about busting my children's bubbles or to see the look on their little faces when it clicks that there was another woman who carried them and gave them life but that woman is not their mama. Katie and Ethan's stories are very different but the end result is the same. They both needed parents and we wanted children.
Katie will be the first to get the story. She is pretty far ahead of Ethan in terms of cognitive development and she is beginning to ask lots of questions. The questions that she asks though are still full of wonderment and without a means to an end. She has no frame of reference to know where she is going with her line of questioning. She is just at the stage where questioning is her main vocation in life and she does it quite well.

These are the questions of late...

"Who came to get me when I was adopted in China?"

"What did you do the day that you adopted me?"

"Did I cry like a baby?"

"Did you love me when you adopted me?"

"Did you hold me like a baby?"

"How big was I when you adopted me?"

"Did you rock me in a rocking chair in China?"

"When I came home where did we live, this house or our old house?"

"Why wasn't I with you when you married Daddy?" They both are totally into the fact that Mommy and daddy are married and love to watch our wedding video but are quite upset that they were not there but Justin was.

"Was Justin your baby too?"

"Was Justin born in China?" This is where it starts getting a bit tough.....when I tell her that Justin was born here in the United States she asks....

"Was Justin in your tummy?" She bursts out laughing and tells Ethan how funny that thought is. She never asks me if she was in my tummy. I am not sure if really deep down she figures out that if she comes from China and Justin does not, then maybe she was not in my tummy. Probably a long shot on that one and more about the fact that she has not gotten developmentally from point A to point B.



That last question has brought about daily discussion of those themes over and over. She likes repeating back to us that we are a family and we are forever in each others hearts.....She also expresses her love to us quite often; sometimes I wonder if that is partially to reinforce in her own mind that we love her as much as she loves us.

Our FCC Chapter recently had a children and family counselor speak about these adoption issues as well as development issues of all children. Her basic advice resonated with me. Do not offer any information that is not requested. If you lay the groundwork then they WILL ask the tough questions when they are ready to receive the information. If they do not ask then they are not really ready. Don't give them information that they are not ready for. I can see how true that really is.

Katie is the most sensitive of souls and I yearn to protect her and her brother. As each day moves into the next, I welcome the evolving nature of their childhood and at the same time dread that same process that will strip them of their innocence as they learn the real reasons that our family is forever. In order for that to happen they first had to suffer the loss of their birth family and subsequently, the country of their birth. I pray daily that we live up to the huge responsibility that has been set before us and that our children know peace in their hearts as they begin this journey of realization that they are embarking upon.

Update 6/26:

Today the questions went a bit further…gulp.

My mom came over today and Katie told my mom what I had said about the fact that Justin was in my tummy. "That’s not true..right?", she asked her Nana. I piped in that it is true that Justin was in my tummy and that babies live in tummy’s before they are ready to come into the world. Mom, of course agreed with me. She then said..

”How can that be Mommy…there is no door to get out!?!”

She started immediately talking about something else so we just moved on as well with me and my mom shooting looks at each other across the table...sheesh! Lord knows, I really do not think she wants to know about that door yet!!