Sometimes the unlikeliest places can become the backdrop to discussions about adoption. I am always a bit caught off guard when it happens in strange settings like it did today in a fast food restaurant.
I was with a friend at a local MickeyD's with her two kiddos and the DD. One of hers is also adopted but that was not what started the conversation; Kung Fu Panda did! The sequels toys are in the happy meals and even though I do not usually go the happy meal route, I decided to give them something special today. The toys began a discussion about China and then the following revelations came from Katie Starr....
Katie: "What do Chinese eyes look like?"
Me: "They are beautiful...just like yours."
Katie: "What makes them Chinese?"
Me: "Asian people which includes people from China in most cases have an extra fold of skin on their eyelids."
Katie: "Why don't you have Chinese eyes?"
Me: "Because I am not from China and you do because you are."
Katie: "I want your eyes to look like mine." (She looked so sad and I y heart began to sink into my stomach)
Me: "I would love to have eyes that are as beautiful as yours but remember...you were not in my tummy so we do not look alike."
Katie: "I wish I was in your tummy."
Me: "Me too baby but you were born in my heart and I am your mommy and will love you forever. That is all that really matters. We do not have to look like each other to be mommy and daughter."
She did not look very thrilled with my answers and the other kids seemed oblivious to this conversation amidst the din of the restaurant and their own conversation. My friend then spoke and reaffirmed that we are all individuals that we all have differences but all of our differences are beautiful.
Yup, all of this in a MickyD's. Lots of stuff going on all of the times in little their heads, whether we choose to see it or not. If we choose not to, then they will eventually let us know what is weighing on them.
Probably could have used something a bit stronger than my usual Diet Coke after that conversation...
Saturday, June 04, 2011
More adoption talk
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9 comments:
Wow!! I just had a similar discussion with Caroline and her orphanage "sister" McKenna! We were driving and C said to K: you have Chinese eyes too. (We have never really discussed Asian eyes, btw), and then C asked, "Where was I left, again?" I told her and then she wanted to know where K was left, I said the marketplace. Trying to be matter-of-fact, but having a hard time organizing my thoughts and at the same time answer questions and drive!
You always seem to find the perfect way of explaining these questions to your children. I truly hope I find the same answers when these types of questions start coming my way.
xoxo
wow....some deep converstaion at mcdonalds! Sadena too seems to already at 4 be asking questions. they are so smart. all we can do is answer honestly and reaffirm the love! great job! =-) angie
Our "deep" conversations almost always happen in the car, when I am driving and cannot really see her face to face.
The questions will keep coming, but they will slow down as she gets older. At least they did with Kerri, and she has been asking questions since she could talk!
Keep up the good work Mommy!
Big stuff! Your answer was perfect, mommy!
I love your blog for many reasons, but my favorite has always been that Katie Starr is about a year ahead of my girl...and reading your blog gives me glimpses of things that might be coming my way, or things that might be going on in her head and heart. As always, way to go with your answers, and thanks so much for sharing!!
Yeah, funny how our kids have the ability to do this to us. I just took T to see the movie, which is rife with adoption issues. T's summer camp will probably see it, and I didn't want her seeing it "by herself" with the camp without me present in case she had Qs. She got very sad during the abandonment scene "b/c KFP was lonely". All in all, though, she says she loved the movie. She's not talking (even with prompting), but she is wanting to look at photos from our adoption trip more.
Tune into rumor queen for more info about the movie. there's a post about it.
Meanwhile, I hope I do 1/2 as well as you, when T eventually does start talking.
Sometimes the best conversations happen in the strangest places.
Our AA has several books that talk about the red thread and birth mommies. She loves to read the books to me and ask questions. She knows all about not being in my tummy too, as her oldest sister has had a baby recently so AA asks questions each time we see other family babies. Glad you addressed it when she asked, it will be a forever thing just as they are our forever children. I think you have to talk about it anytime they need to. You did great!
Alyzabeth's Mommy
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