Monday, August 17, 2009

We just don't know.....

These are the words that are uttered far too often about our two youngest children. There are just so many questions that cannot and may never be answered. It is so hard for us to have to say these words when asked questions about the DD's early months and and even years in Ethan's case, that we were not yet united with them. There are even times, like today, when it really can be an issue not to know their history.

Today we took the DD to the Pediatric Ophthalmologist to check on Katie's patching progress and to have Ethan's eyes checked by a specialist for the first time.

The good news is that Katie has progressed in her left eye (the one with the poorest vision) to 20/40 corrected. The Doctor tells us that this may prove to be the best that we can get the correction to or we may be able to squeak her up to 20/20. He left it up to us to give it 8 more weeks before we wean her from the patch and to give it the best shot possible. The reason that he left it to us is that he knows, just as we do, that patching a young child is not easy on the child at all. She struggles with it daily. She is a trooper and really only complains when I first put it on her each day but it totally changes her personality to a much more withdrawn state. There really was no other decision to make though. We have to give it more time and give her the best chance possible at even better vision before the weaning begins. I really hope that it pays off for her, but at least if it does not, then we have given her the best chance at better corrected (with her glasses on) vision.

Now, this is the part of the story where the lack of history is not only detrimental but always saddens us. When our wonderful doctor was examining Ethan today, he found that on the very edge of Ethan's retina was a problem that could have resulted either from a premature birth or as I hypothesized to him, oxygen issues from his heart problems, which he agreed would cause the same problem. I really should not say problem because right now this irregularity on the retina is not causing any sight issues and since we have caught it early enough it should never cause problems. He told us that the worse case scenario was having to have a laser procedure to remedy the issue. He has referred us to a retinal specialist to determine the severity of the problem.

All in all, nothing really earth shattering....I just wish, with all of my heart, that we would never have to say those words again. No mother or father should ever have to say that they just don't know something about their own child.


ChinaCalling said...

You bring up such a good point, Lori. Delilah had neurosurgery and we don't really know what they did to her. As a mom of a preemie, though, there is a possibility that Ethan was premature. I'll tell you more about that when we talk.

Suz said...

I am right there with you, girl! When we started the intensive therapy in July, we had a mountain of paper work to complete and our most frequent answer was "I don't know." At one point, a social worker commented, "you don't know much, do you?" I was wondering if she was wondering why we took this kid with no history.

Ummm, Cheshire has to do something about this!

Mary said...

This is the sad part about adoption that frankly, just sucks.
We seem to write this more than anything else.

Tamara said...

It always kills me to have to put "Unknown"- and yes the looks that some people give you are amazing- Like I wouldn't give everything to know their history before they were with me. Those people I write off as not worth the breath it would take to explain.
Glad to hear that Katie Starr's vision is improving- keeping my fingers crossed the Moose will have equally good news in September.
Fingers crossed that Ethan's news turns out to be just as good.

We5Chois said...

I feel for you sweetie. Glad you discovered the retina issue - at least now you have a place to start the history, but I agree it sucks to write unknown so many times.

Good luck with the continued patching. Like you, i think another 8 weeks will be worth it in the long run. You have to give it your best shot. Hugs to all of you.

Tammie said...

I hate that word. "Unknown." And worse off, I hate the looks that I get when I have to write it down.

Patching is certainly hard - on both the parents & the child. I'm glad to know that your persistence is paying off & there's improvement in Katie Starr's vision. The extra 8 weeks should help even more.

I'm hoping that finding out about Ethan's retinal issue will early will give you a head start on resolution.

Vivian M said...

Even worse for me is when I have to tell Kerri we just don't know. And she asks a lot of questions.

Good news on Katie's eyes! Hope Ethan's issue is not serious and that it can be corrected easily and painlessly too.

ourchinagirls said...

Lori, our oldest daughter was 2.2 pounds when found. Since her referral was in 2000 we didn't think much about her low weight. Now we are finding more things that are/could be attributed to her being a premie. She is legally blind without her glasses and she has lattice retinal detactment which puts her at a much higher risk for retinal detachment.