Just when I thought I was safe for awhile from the tough questions..all of the sudden they came from an unexpected source...Ethan!
Being a boy and a bit behind Katie in terms of development, I did not expect any questions from our mischief man for awhile. I should have learned by now to never underestimate him and to expect the unexpected!
Tonight, Katie was watching some TV before bed and I was in my bedroom when suddenly Ethan came in to talk to me. He immediately launched into his own series of questions about babies....
"Mom, how small was I when I was a baby?" (he places his hand near his knees to show me the size he thinks he was)
"Very small Ethan...just like Ari." (our Godson who was just born)
"I don't remember being that little! How come I don't remember that?"
"Most people do not remember when they are that small sweetie."
"Was I little like Ari when you "dopted" me?" (His version of adopted)
Again with that same lump in my throat I replied "No baby, you were bigger than Ari." (Ethan was two and a half)
"You dopted Katie too when she was a baby?"
"Yes"
"Where was I when I was a baby?"
"In China"
"Were you there?"
"No E, you lived in a baby home (an orphanage) with many other babies who were waiting for their mommies and daddies."
"Where are the babies that lived in the baby home...are they dopted?" (OK, now the lump is about the size of an apple)
"Yes, many are home with their mommies and daddies" (Thinking not nearly enough of them)
"Do you know their names?"
"I don't know all of their names but I know some of their names and I know their mommies and daddies too."
"What are their names?"
"One of them is Cami and one of them is Julia. Ethan, do you remember living in the house with a lot of babies?"
"No."
At this point it is obvious that he does not want to go any further with this line of questioning as he starts to talk again about being as little as Ari and he giggles at the thought of being that small.
"Bye Mom." He leaves the room and me to gather myself and my thoughts.
My first thought was....never underestimate the mischief man.
Love you my sweet baby....one of my greatest wishes is that I could have held you in my arms from the minute that you were born....
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Wow, the questions are coming fast and furious!
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5 comments:
Lori,
I think that boy is always going to surprise you.
Yet again, you handled it well. Don't you just hate not having all the answers for them? Sometimes I think being an aware mama, is worse than being a clueless mama. When you are clueless you don't feel the pain, but then again if you are clueless, the kids feel the pain on their own and that is something I would never want them to do. We can never heal their pain for them, but at least we can acknowledge and validate it :-(
**sniff** You did such a good job of answering his questions with honesty and sensitivity. Doesn't it just amaze you what is going on in our little one's heads/hearts? I'm glad that he knew he could come to his mommy for answers! :)
I know the feeling of wishing to have been there. Julia talks about being little and about hugging babies without mommies. She is still acutely aware of babies when they cry and has told strangers to pick up their babies. It is ever my wish to have been there already when our children were younger. When I see Julia's sadness when a baby cries, I cannot believe that there was no one to hold her. We are so lucky to have these precious souls to pour our love into.
Oh Lori... these are the moments I dread and yet cherish. I dread them because I can only hope the right words escape my mouth as they always seem to for you. I cherish them because I'm so happy that our children have mommies and daddies to turn to for answers and love.
Hugs...
Not having the answers is the hardest part of adoption. I can only imagine how hard it is to have 2 sets of questions to answer, but to tell you the truth, I think you're doing great.
That lump in your throat? I have it too. My problem is that Erin isn't anywhere close to having the curiosity that I expected.
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