The hurt runs deep

Ethan has a persistent obsession with food.  He thinks about it, plans what he wants to eat; sometimes several meals ahead and basically wants to discuss it....a lot!  This is his thing and some days are better than others.  We understand that it is very much based in the reality of his horrific beginnings.  When you adopt a child who is 2.4 years old and he is completely malnourished, weighing in at a whopping 17 lbs., well, you can just guess that there was and probably always will be...a significant issue.  Ethan never had any real food, other than formula until we adopted him and because of that fact, he was orally defensive and suffered from oral aversion.  There was lots of therapy to get him over that hump.

Four years later, he still has food weirdness so we let him do what he needs to do, to assure himself that food is always available.  When he is really in an overly fixated state, we verbally reassure him of that fact.

He has seemed to ease up a bit about the food lately, not a huge amount but in baby steps.

Today, I saw just how far there still is to go...

Ethan has to go to the dentist tomorrow to have another round of dental surgery.  All that bottle drinking and poor care has done a real number on his teeth and so we are in round two of several procedures.  We were discussing it with him tonight over dinner.  I was explaining what would happen and then I told him that he would not be able to eat or drink in the morning before he went to the dentist.

As soon as I said it, I wished that I had not!

I saw the first sign of primal fear in his eyes and I knew what was coming.  So, I did what any mother who does not want to see their child hurting would do - I began qualifying my previous statement and tried to drive the point home that he would just have a DELAYED breakfast.  He was not missing anything and that he could have anything he wanted when he woke up....I even threw in the option that he could have his fav...chocolate ice cream.

But it was too late....the big sad flood gates opened.  Not a spoiled, whiny, "I want to get my way" kind of crying...but deep, sad, "I am terrified when food is withheld from me" tears coming from his huge round eyes and down his cheeks kind of crying.

I felt devastated and so did Marc.  We calmly assured him that he NEVER has to worry and that he could eat as much as he wanted as soon as he felt up to it.  Katie also jumped in and reassured him...she was so sad for him.  He asked a few more feeble questions about the whens, wheres and whys and finally he seemed to calm down after what seemed like an eternity.

I am quite sure that when we left him to go to sleep tonight, he was still thinking about missing that meal....no fear surrounding the pain of a dental procedure....just fear about missing a meal.

and I am left once again feeling helpless and sickened at the thought of that.

What a beautiful day!

Today was the day that we had been anticipating for quite some time.  I fund raise for the Foundation Fighting Blindness all year round but the Vision Walk is a marker from year to year of how far we have to go.


We awoke to a truly brilliant day.  The weather was sunny and the temperature was a bit chilly when we woke up but warmed up in no time and made it just about perfect.  We quickly prepared the children and gathered our supplies, made a food run and high tailed it to the park.  Once there, Marc set up a table with all of the T-Shirts for The Katie Starr Team and we began to greet our team members.  Family and friends started drifting in and before we knew it we were overwhelmed once again by the number of people who came to support our mission.  We gave out 85 T-Shirts to our team members!!


It was then time to get up on stage and thank everyone for coming as well as all of the sponsors.  I spoke a little about why I have thrown my support behind the FFB and then we had a pep rally of sorts.  We ended the formalities and quickly took pictures.  My dear friend Grace was the official Vision Walk Photographer and she was just amazing.  I cannot wait to see all of the wonderful shots that she took!!


The corporate people took me up to the front so that our family could cut the ribbon and begin the walk....and then we were off!!


Katie Starr, Ethan and their friends took the lead on their razor scooters and the rest of us happily took up the rear by foot.   As I walked, I jockeyed between several groups of people.  It was so nice to be able to talk to so many who came out as we followed the path.  I was so touched by the people who happily walked to help the cause and our precious girl.  I even got some fun walk time in with my big guy Justin and my daughter in law Judy.  It was wonderful!


Once we were done and our thank you's were spoken, several of us stayed around and picnicked in the park.


There were other happy surprises as well today.  Marc's cousins from New Jersey were in town and they came with a dear mutual friend and walked with us; which was totally unexpected.  Also, our dear friends, Ken and JoAnn from Chicago were also in town and totally shocked us by coming and walking with us.


Of course, the real reason that we do this is to raise awareness and money.  The Katie Starr Team was the #1 Team in South Florida and when the final count is done next week we should top $10,000.00!!  I am so thankful for all that came out in support of us again this year.  We were missing some friends from last year as this seemed to be a busy weekend for many but we know that many of those friends will be out again, walking by our side, if they are able to next year.


Raising funds for research is a year round business and although this one day has passed, our mission has not.  The fiscal year does not end until June of 2012 for this walk season, so my work is not complete.


The link is available and I will post it from time to time.


There is no way I will rest until they can find the answers and develop treatments or even a cure for hereditary blindness.  Our daughter's sight and ten million other's depend on that!

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

P.S.  I hope to have some pictures posted very soon!

Alone we can do so little;

together we can do so much. 

 ~ Helen Keller

Tomorrow is the day!

Last minute info about the walk

Just a last minute reminder that we are just two days away from the 2011 South Florida Vision Walk.  I thank all of you in advance for any and all participation that you are offering to The Katie Starr Team.  You assistance in this will be funding the research that will one day end hereditary retinal blinding disorders and allow people to live a life with their vision intact.  Our 6 year old daughter, Katie Starr, suffers from a disorder called Cone-Rod Dystrophy and faces a life in the dark unless a cure is found.

Just some last minute items to remember.  The park we are walking in is at Sunrise Boulevard and the Intracoastal.  It is a State Park and they are not waiving their entrance fee this year which thankfully is only $1.00.

There will be breakfast items such as bagels, breakfast bars and fruit.  Coffee and Hot Chocolate will also be available.  For lunch after the walk there will be pizza available.  Feel free to bring your own lunch if Pizza isn’t your bag as well as a chair or blanket to picnic on.  The day is shaping up to be a nice one and many of us will be picnicking after the walk. 

The walk is mostly symbolic.  You can walk all, part or none at all.  The idea is to come out, raise awareness and raise the money for research.  Please secure any and all donations that you can and bring them to registration.  Please ask friends and family if they help with just a few dollars.  It all makes a difference!  Please make sure that you are registered under “The Katie Starr Team.”  We are the number one team in South Florida and we are going to fully represent the day of the walk!  I have Team T-Shirts for the first 100 adults and 25 children that come out that day.  You can also pick up a Foundation T-Shirt at the walk for your collection! ;-)

There will be a bounce house and inflatable slide for the kids as well as cotton candy, snow cones, and a face painter.  It will be a fun and rewarding day for all!

Here is the info:  Please come and walk but even if you can't please help us with a donation by Clicking on
www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr and by spreading the word.  Thank you so much!

Date: Saturday, November 12, 2011        
Location: Hugh Taylor Birch State Park
3109 East Sunrise Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, FL  33304
Registration:  9:00 am
Walk Start: 10:00 a.m.
Walk Chairs: Lori and Marc Weinstock
Support our team and help bring us closer to a cure because a Cure is in Sight!

Why should I get involved?

I am sure that the title of this post is the question that many people ask themselves when I post about the Foundation Fighting Blindness and their quest to fund preventions, treatments or even a cure for devastating hereditary blinding diseases.  Heck, before this happened to our family, I would have asked the same question.  Now it is all very clear to me.

Let me clarify a few things by sharing a few facts with you: 

The urgent mission of The Foundation Fighting Blindness, Inc. is to drive the research that will provide preventions, treatments and cures for people affected by retinitis pigmentosa (RP), macular degeneration, Usher Syndrome, and the entire spectrum of retinal degenerative diseases.
 

• More than 10 million Americans of every age and race suffer vision loss from these blinding diseases.
 

• The Foundation has funded thousands of research studies at hundreds of prominent institutions worldwide. Currently, the Foundation funds 138 grants at 76 institutions.
 

• The Foundation funds leading-edge research in promising areas such as genetics, gene therapy, retinal cell transplantation, and pharmaceutical and nutritional therapies.
 

• Since its inception in 1971, the Foundation has raised more than $425 million.
 

• RP and Usher syndrome are inherited diseases commonly diagnosed during childhood or young adulthood. RP causes severe vision loss leading to legal and/or complete blindness. Children with Usher syndrome are born with varying degrees of deafness and later develop RP.

• Leading retinal research scientists praise the advances enabled by The Foundation.

• Age-related macular degeneration has inherited risks and is characterized by a progressive loss of central vision. AMD is the leading cause of blindness in adults over age 55 in the U.S. and other developed countries.

That last one is the real kicker.  Macular Degeneration is a blinding eye disease that will show up in many of your families as they age.  No family is exempt from these horrible diseases.  It just so happens that it has touched our young daughter now and yes, while that is tragic - it is also tragic to lose sight at any age.  We are truly all fighting the same battle.

Please think about the many people that will be effected by these diseases if nothing is done to change the future.

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~Helen Keller

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Another Installment of: Out of the Mouths of Babes!

Last evening Katie was walking past the TV and saw a report on the news about gay marriage.  She blurted out,  "Hey, that's crazy...that one dude is marrying that other dude!'  "How are they going to have babies?"

Beyond the huge issues at hand with these statements, all we could do was to try our best to stifle our laughter, since what hit our funny bone was the use of the word "Dude!"  I did not even know she had ever heard that retro word! 

Once I collected myself from the hilarity of it all, I responded by telling her that the purpose of marriage was not necessarily to make babies.  Since her knowledge on this subject is sketchy at best, I went right on to the second item on the agenda, which was gay love and marriage.  I explained that most of the time women and men fall in love and that sometimes, men fall in love with men and that women fall in love with women.  I said that love is love and that all love is OK.

I did not get into it any deeper than that... she is 6 and that was quite enough!  I wasn't even going near adoption and gay marriage.  That is for another day and time in the future!  

All I gotta say is Wow dude...that Katie Starr is too much!

Oh and one more thing..now I can't stop calling everyone in the house...Dude!

I am shameless when it comes to something this important!

Whenever I post about the Vision Walk on my blog, it gets so quiet that I can practically here the birds chirping!  If you think that I go on too much here then you should see my on Facebook.  I am relentless!

The bottom line is that it is my mission in life to raise awareness and money for the Foundation Fighting Blindness so that there will be advances in the science that will save my daughter's vision.  I am one minded towards this end...I am forward...I am brazen...and yes, I am shameless!  You would be too, if your child had such a diagnosis.

I do not want my daughter to have to face a life of navigating in the dark.  I don't want her to have it that much tougher than everyone else.  If I can do anything to stop it from happening then I will.

Please help me with this.  If you have been a long time reader of my blog or are someone new, I ask that you donate any little bit that you can on behalf of the this precious little girl and the over 10 million people who are also in the same boat! $1, $5, $10 or anything at all will help our cause.  Even the change in your pocket will make a difference.

"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." 

~ Helen Keller

Once again, to learn more about our Vision Walk and our goal please link to:

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Still Waters Run Deep

While cleaning Katie's desk of her hundreds of masterpieces, in order to make way for all of the masterpieces to come, this is one of the more interesting pieces that I found.


I did not know whether to laugh or cry.  My little girl seems to be a bit fascinated with the Bieber!  I am still digesting this newest find and contemplating the future.  Can't we just freeze time and keep my baby innocent forever?  I already know the answer to that but I still hear that refrain in my head over and over when stuff like this pops up.  The crazy thing is that I really shelter the kids quite a bit to preserve their innocence and they have no older siblings in the home to influence them.  I cannot even imagine what would be if I wasn't the way that I am....perish the thought!


P.S.  Katie just walked in on me and saw this post with the pic and could not figure out why it was on the computer screen.  She looked at me and through her laughter said..."and how did you get that on there you sneaky mommy!?!"  


Oh man, this girl is gonna give us a run for our money!

To Do List

Making a list may help to keep me on track so here is my top ten list of things to get accomplished in November besides all of the usual stuff:

1) Complete my blog a day project for the Month of November...even if it kills me!
 

2) Organize my desk at home, which has reached epic status...and not in a good way!  My closet as well!
 

3) Begin holiday shopping.  That takes money so it may not happen until December.
 

4) Get back to my photography, which has taken a back seat to my other obligations.
 

5) Plan some time away with Marc for early next year.  We desperately need it.
 

6) Prepare for our annual garage sale in December. (Our trash is your treasure ;-)
 

7) Buy some new shoes...mama really needs a new pair!  This also reminds me that the kids need cleats for soccer.  **Mama may not get her new shoes.
 

8) Go through the kids stuff before the holidays and pare it all down to what is actually still being worn and used (see #6)
 

9) Work my ass off to get my final tally up for the Vision Walk on November 12th!
 

10) Find some "me" time!  (This one hardly seems possible)

What's on your to do list this month?

I always say that raising children is not for the faint of heart

....and it is not!

Tonight was one of the most terrifying nights of my life.  Katie and her team were in the Cheer-Off and tonight was their finale performance; one that they had prepared for for several weeks.  While the girls were waiting to go on for their performance, they were all doing cartwheels and handstands. Katie did a handstand that had too much force and she went over and hit her head and back hard on the ground and at the same time! She knocked the wind out of herself and she was also knocked unconscious for a few moments. I ran around the fence to get to her and the wonderful dad's on our team sprang into action over the fence to also get to her. By mere happenstance they both have paramedic training.  They also thought she may have had a seizure so 911 was immediately called and the paramedics came.  She was ultimately cleared and my brave girl chose to cheer in her final competition!  They ended up with the trophy for the best performance and I ended up with another 100 gray hairs!  Marc was working so he missed the whole horrible ordeal....UGH!!!

Poor Ethan was devastated as he watched all of this go down.  When we got back from the ambulance he was sobbing.  He and his sister are so devoted to each other.  He was besides himself.  After I calmed him down and both children were not looking I just sobbed in my parents arms. 

I am so grateful that they were there for me as well as all of the families of the girls that Katie cheers with.  They are so wonderful and they sprang into action for Katie like she was one of their children.  They were amazing!

So today, on this 4th day of Thanksgiving I am thankful that Katie is OK after such an awful accident!

The girls did just great.  Here is a video of their performance.  I was kneeling in a very awkward location, just trying to squeeze in to get my video.  It is a bit shaky and then I went pretty far to the right at the end, but this film will still give you a taste of their performance!

Thank G-d things worked out OK.  Hug your children a little closer tonight.  Life can change in the blink of an eye!

Note:  Katie is the second little girl from the right.

Trying to Pull Rank

This conversation took place two days ago over breakfast......

Katie:  "Mommy, am I in charge of Ethan when you and daddy are not home?" 

Me: "We are pretty much always here and if by chance we are not then we have someone taking care of you....and why should you be in charge anyway since you are the same age as  Ethan?"

Katie:  "Because I am over 2 months older and taller than Ethan!"

Me:  "That does not make you in charge!"

Ethan:  "See Katie....your not my boss!!" 

Katie:  Looking a little peeved and not convinced at all did not pursue the issue at hand....

Two days later.....

Katie:  Can you and Daddy go to the bathroom at the same time so that I can be in charge?!?

The laughter that was probably heard all over our neighborhood was probably a good indication to her as to the answer to that question.

A W E S O M E ! !

Approximately 2.5 months ago, six little girls (including Katie Starr) came together to form a cheerleading team.  They were shy, tentative and cheering was anything but natural for them.

In short order these same six little girls became a team...a loud, confident and energetic bunch who not only cheer as a cohesive group but are quite honestly.........
A W E S O M E!  

There have been loads of practices and games all leading up to the final Cheer-Off, which takes place this Friday night.  They have a routine that they have practiced to the point that every mom and dad in our group can do it as well...heck, Katie's loyal fan Ethan knows it as well as they do!

Tonight was our final practice and we wrapped it up with a pizza party.  It was a wonderful final get together before the grand finale.  It is not goodbye though...the girls and their families have formed a wonderful bond...one that will outlast the final cheer of the season!

Go Colts!!

It is National Blog Posting Month!

November is the month where many people try to post each and every day on their blog.  Once again, I am going to participate.  I loved the last go round which was back in 2009.  I have been quite erratic with my posting for about a year.  If I trace it back, it probably will lead me back to the month or so after we received Katie's diagnosis.  Life seemed to go into overdrive, even more than normal, and I did not have any desire to blog frequently.

A year later I have a much different focus.  My main focus is my family.  But the other important very important focus of my life is to raise awareness and money for the Foundation Fighting Blindness so that our daughter does not lose her sight.  I am also in the process of trying to find a lab who will test her DNA sample promptly so that we can begin the process of identifying the gene that has caused this disease that she inherited.

If you have been a regular reader for the past 6.5 years or are have found me more recently; please join me in raising awareness and money by clicking on my link below, reading the whole story and joining with me to fund a treatment or cure for this amazing little girl; our Katie Starr!  Oh and one more thing....I will see you each and every day of November so please check back in on me!

The Katie Starr Team

Beginning to get it!

The dissemination of life altering information to children is surely a long and winding road.  Our newest challenge is slowly allowing Katie to realize that she will lose her sight if a treatment or cure for her condition is not found.  We have barely scratched the surface on that revelation.  My gut tells me to go at her pace.  I feel that this is the best way and  all of the informed advice that I have received; most especially from adults who have had the same diagnosis since childhood and are now blind, has assured me that she will guide me as she is ready.

The subject that is bubbling up in our home again these days in not about eyesight but the other big issue.... adoption.

Katie brought it up again as I was washing her hair today.  Without any thought, I asked her "Katie, where did you get all of this beautiful hair?" As I said it, I realized just how thoughtless the question was.  I guess deep down I truly forget that she was not born to us.  I would have asked the same thing of Justin and he would have answered "from you mom...or from dad!"  Katie's answer to me was......"I got it from the orphanage!"  My heart sank!  "No, Katie...you got your beautiful hair from the mommy and daddy that gave you life."  "True", she said..."I think that they had poor eyesight too!"  More heart sinkage.....

This led to an ongoing discussion between our two little ones as Ethan sat drying himself off and Katie was still in the shower.

Katie:  "My mommy and daddy in China gave me away because they were poor."

Me:  "That may or may not be true...remember I told you that there are many reasons why your birth parents could not take care of you or could not keep you with them...one reason could be that they were very poor and could not properly take care of a child and they are many others reasons as well; including the law in China about having more than one child."

I have never told them about the "one child policy" before, as I have always thought it was a bit more than they could grasp and today it seemed that the time was right to touch upon it.  I explained that in China, for many years, it was against the law to have more than one child and that if people did so, then they were unable to keep the child.

Ethan was incensed by this news.  "The law in China is bad!!"  "They are bad in China and they do bad things!!"  I explained that this was not true.  That true, it is was NOT a good law at all but that the government had to come up with a solution since there were more people in China than food to feed them all.  He asked me how I knew that THEY (Katie and Ethan) needed a home and I told him that we wanted to adopt babies and that we were lucky enough after asking the officials in China, to be given the opportunity to be their mommy and daddy.  I explained that they are many good people in China and  that those people want the children to have loving homes and that surely their birth parents would be happy to know that they WILL BE BE LOVED FOREVER.

They both agreed with that fact.  Ethan then left the room to get dressed and I then asked Katie if she ever thought about her birth mommy or daddy.  She said that she did....that she dreamed about them and that they looked just like her.  She mentioned the fact that they had poor eyesight again.  Pretty amazing that she realizes the tie in there.  I am not sure if she really dreams about them or she felt it was the right thing to say at the time but I just wanted her to realize that at some point she will be thinking about them and that is OK to do so.  I also want her to be able to share it with us if she wants to.  Ethan heard the exchange as well as he was walked back in.

I finished up by saying to both children that mommy, daddy and the whole family were so lucky that we adopted both of them into our family and that they were stuck with us....whether they liked it or not!  This made them both laugh.  I did not feel like laughing but I acted like I did as well.

Why do the facts of life have to be so freaking painful?  I love all three of my children so deeply and they have all had to deal with very painful realities.  Once again, I am left hoping that the way that I am dealing with it now will be beneficial in the future.  I do know that the love I have for them guides me and moves me to do the very best that I can by them.

Please oh please let it be good enough.....

The Katie Starr Team

Katie Starr

We are back in the saddle again and gearing up for the 2011 South Florida Vision Walk.  This year I have been asked to be the Walk Chair and I am honored to take on that task.  In 2010, the team with the greatest amount of supporters and who raised the greatest amount of money was our team......

The Katie Starr Team

This year, it is more important than ever to be a part of this important fundraising event.  I have spoken to many doctors and scientists over the past year and they all say that the cutting edge research that is taking place right now is, day by day, uncovering the mysteries and unlocking the key to vision for those afflicted with hereditary blindness like our precious daughter, Katie Starr.  The Foundation Fighting Blindness is leading the way by funding these important clinical trials that are our hope for her and so many others.

There are so many important causes that deserve your money.  I personally donate to many of them myself.  I ask you to look into your heart and remember those like my daughter who will face a life in the dark without your help.  I know in my heart that our girl will be just fine no matter what happens to her vision....that is just who she is.  Marc and I, like all other loving parents just don't want life to be that much more difficult for her with that additional barrier in her way.  We will do everything in our power to keep the lights on for her, so I am asking you directly and I also ask you to ask your friends to please choose to give to this worthwhile cause and if you can....walk in solidarity with us on November 12th in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Click here for the details: 

www.fightblindness.org/goto/katie.starr

Please find it in your heart to help....

Telling Secrets

Being the parents of virtual twins has been nothing short of amazing...so amazing in fact that I have been wondering why all children do not come into the world two by two!  Katie Starr and Ethan have been best friends from the moment that Katie fed Ethan her cheerios at the Civil Affairs Office in Nanchang, Jiangxi on Ethan's adoption day in 2007.  They share pretty much everything and quite willingly I might add.  I am not sure if they have some amazing mojo together or if it is just our amazing parenting (smirk) .  It really doesn't matter though because the end result is the same!

Now to the chink in the armor; the proverbial other shoe that always drops.

Today, Marc and I got a glimpse as to our future and it is a bit unnerving!

The downside to virtual twins that get along this well is........

They are Co-Conspirators and they keep secrets!!!!  I guess our rose colored bi-focals somehow chose not to see that!

Here is the gist of a conversation that Marc caught today from just around the corner from where they were playing:

Katie:  "Ethan, I am going to tell you a secret but you can't tell Anybody!!!"

Ethan:  Always the willing accomplice, "OK, what is is Katie?"

Katie:  "Julian in my classroom asked me to marry him!"

Ethan:  "He wants to kiss you?!?!?"  "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!"

Katie:  "He doesn't want to kiss me...HE WANTS TO MARRY ME!!!"

There is no kissing in marriage?!?

Marc popped his head around the corner and and was going to ask what they were talking about.  Katie started to launch into one of her cheers from her cheerleading team to cover up her secret....OH MY!  Then Marc asked her and she spilled her guts and told him.  Of course, he told her that she is waaay to young to get married and to now even think about it again until she is 30...LOL.

These two always have their heads together, whether they are playing or helping around the house and most especially when they share quiet time together.  I can see that the two of us are going to need to stay pretty sharp to keep up with the two of them.

One thing is for sure....it will be very interesting in our home for the next 12 years or so.....stay tuned!

How much is too much?

We have been giving some thought to an allowance for the two 6 year old's.  The subject has come up quite a bit of late and this is what we have come up with...

Every day or so it seems we hear the cry of "look at this (insert any product here)...can I have that?"  It is natural since everywhere they turn they are bombarded with the perfect "thing" that will simply change their lives. The Madison Avenue advertising machine is working quite well thank you and it's impact is felt in my home as I am sure in most of yours.  Impressionable young children, naive in this consumer society that we live in, only want to succumb to the latest trend that is all the craze or to own the latest toy or electronic item this season.

We think the time has come to begin an allowance so that some understanding that there is no money tree in our back yard can come into play.  They do not get most things that they want; other than what they receive for presents at holiday time and the once in a great blue moon when we just want to do something special for our two very good kiddos. The only way to really learn about money is to have it.  Now that they are in the first grade and their wants have gotten greater, we think the time has come to give them some money management tools to help them sort it out.  I learned a great deal about this when I parented Justin and I think I did well, as he is a good money manager.  His downfall though is the same as my own and that is electronic gadgets.  Back in the day there were not as many as there are now, but I did indulge myself in quite a few when my means were greater.  This is where the recession and the impact that it has had on our pocketbook may come in handy.  The children do not see us buying every new gadget on the market.  We simply cannot do that now....it's probably a very good thing.

I cannot for the life of me remember how much we gave Justin to start off but after doing some research online about this subject, it seems that a reasonable amount to begin with is one half of their age.  $3.00 for the 6 year old's seems like the right amount and we will ask them to contribute a bit towards Tzedakah (charity) each week to help them to learn to power of helping others in money and in deed.

I think that amount will also help them with a bit of delayed gratification, as it take a bit of time to save up for a "bigger or better" item at that rate.  I also like the idea of having it tied to assisting us with the purchase of other discretionary items such as refreshments at the movies or vacation souvenirs as examples.  Just a bit mind you but enough to understand that there really is no money fairy waving a wand to make all those things possible.

Also, we are not going to tie it to chores as we believe that the message that we want to continue to ingrain is that we all pitch in around the house as a family.  That is just what is expected and money is not going to be the reward for it.  If there is a much larger chore that we ask then there may be a reward for that, but it will not be the norm.  That is also a difference from the past for me.  Older and wiser I hope.

I hope that this combination helps them to make wise choices but I know that there will be some tweaking as we grow.  We just want to give them the best foot forward down this very treacherous road; one filled with so many glittery and desired items beckoning to them with their promise of momentary satisfaction and lots of long term pain in terms of repayment; over and over again on credit.

Been there...done that....want more for my children!

I am sure that you do too....

More adoption talk

Sometimes the unlikeliest places can become the backdrop to discussions about adoption.  I am always a bit caught off guard when it happens in strange settings like it did today in a fast food restaurant.

I was with a friend at a local MickeyD's with her two kiddos and the DD.  One of hers is also adopted but that was not what started the conversation; Kung Fu Panda did!  The sequels toys are in the happy meals and even though I do not usually go the happy meal route, I decided to give them something special today.  The toys began a discussion about China and then the following revelations came from Katie Starr....

Katie:  "What do Chinese eyes look like?"

Me:  "They are beautiful...just like yours."

Katie:  "What makes them Chinese?"

Me:  "Asian people which includes people from China in most cases have an extra fold of skin on their eyelids."

Katie:  "Why don't you have Chinese eyes?"

Me:  "Because I am not from China and you do because you are."

Katie:  "I want your eyes to look like mine." (She looked so sad and I y heart began to sink into my stomach)

Me:  "I would love to have eyes that are as beautiful as yours but remember...you were not in my tummy so we do not look alike."

Katie:  "I wish I was in your tummy."

Me:  "Me too baby but you were born in my heart and I am your mommy and will love you forever.  That is all that really matters.  We do not have to look like each other to be mommy and daughter."

She did not look very thrilled with my answers and the other kids seemed oblivious to this conversation amidst the din of the restaurant and their own conversation.  My friend then spoke and reaffirmed that we are all individuals that we all have differences but all of our differences are beautiful.

Yup, all of this in a MickyD's.  Lots of stuff going on all of the times in little their heads, whether we choose to see it or not.  If we choose not to, then they will eventually let us know what is weighing on them.

Probably could have used something a bit stronger than my usual Diet Coke after that conversation...

Five years on the way to forever!

It has been five years since that amazing day; May 14th, 2006, when our daughter was placed into our arms and lives forever.  She had lived in our hearts long before that....a dream soon to be realized.

It was mother's day, 2006.  We woke up VERY early in the morning in a hotel room in Beijing.  Marc, Justin and I were on our way to Lanzhou, Gansu Province to meet the newest addition to our family.  Justin had graduated from UF just days earlier and now this newest path, was being laid down before us.  We had spent three days in Beijing, taking in the sights and sounds as well as trying to acclimate ourselves to this very exotic locale and the huge time difference.   We had accomplished much of what we had set out to and we were eager to get started, so we packed, ate breakfast and waited to get the go ahead to board the bus with the several other families that would become our adoption family and head to the airport.

The flight itself was pretty routine, other than the crazy descent to the top of a mountain where the airport was located.  The butterflies in our tummies were outta control at the thought of the life changing moment that lay ahead.  As soon as we landed and disembarked, the reality of this day really hit all of us; most especially the new daddy to be.  We were walking through the terminal and he stopped for a moment and told us how excited and terrified he was.  I think it was less so for me because I was already an experienced parent.  I have so much empathy for what a first time parent goes through as they take on this massive life change in a completely foreign environment, away from home and loved ones and with a baby who is actively grieving the loss of the only life they have ever known.

We all collected ourselves and joined our group as we gathered our baggage and loaded the bus for the one hour drive through the Gansu desert on our way to the capitol city and our hotel.  We arrived at 2:15 pm and we were told to get to the local store quickly to purchase any last minute supplies that we may need for ourselves and our babies.  We had to be back to the hotel before 3:00 pm as that was when the babies were scheduled to arrive at the hotel.  We all walked/ran to our destination and back only to find that the babies were already there.  We entered the room and in a matter of a couple of minutes we spotted Katie Starr from afar.  She looked exhausted from the long ride and had a big bump on her forehead from falling just the day before.  We eventually found out that she was taking her first steps when she fell.

The next I remember, our names were called, passports and other indentification was compared to make sure our daughter was the one that we were matched with and BAM...she was placed in my arms and she fell asleep promptly.  I was quite worried about that because I new if she woke up in a strange place with people she did not know it would be very traumatic.  I was correct but that is another story for another day.

The experience was life altering and quite surreal.  Our emotions were off the charts!  For the next 5 days in Lanzhou and then 4 more in Guangzhou we bonded with each other, with the other families and we tended to a very sickly Katie Starr who became so sick by the end of the trip that we had to go to the hospital for treatment and clearance to take the day long trip to get home.  Parenthood started with a bang and the thrill ride continues.  Parenthood is a marathon and not a sprint.  We are head over heels for our children and wholeheartedly in it for everything that we are given; the great times, the bad times, the healthy times, the sick times and all the very ordinary times in between.  All of our children are a precious gift.  The gift of Katie is a rare one.  She is quite simply an amazing and radiant human being.  I am not bragging but just stating a fact when I state that I have never dealt with as pleasant a personality as one that is possessed by this child.  Her bonding in the beginning was a tricky and long road but boy oh boy is she a loving and attached child now.  She adores all of us and she and I share a beautiful mother-daughter bond that I am thankful for with my whole heart for every day of my life.  The last five years have been amazing and the only thing that I would change if I could, would be to take away the health issues that she struggles with.  I pray one day that she is able to grow out of some of them and that a cure or a viable treatment is found for her sight disease.

This day though is for celebrating and celebrate we have!  We have had two celebratory meals (food is always a part of every celebration in our family) and we have looked at pictures, videos and mementos of that trip and that amazing day.

Katie said something to me today that both amazed me and touched me to my very core.  She said, "Mommy, I love my forever day much more than my birthday...do you know why?"  "Why Katie", I inquired.  "Because my forever day was the day that I got my wonderful family who will be with me forever!"

Happy 5th anniversary precious Starr!  As we tell you every day...we love you to infinity and beyond and we WILL be there forever!