How much is too much?

We have been giving some thought to an allowance for the two 6 year old's.  The subject has come up quite a bit of late and this is what we have come up with...

Every day or so it seems we hear the cry of "look at this (insert any product here)...can I have that?"  It is natural since everywhere they turn they are bombarded with the perfect "thing" that will simply change their lives. The Madison Avenue advertising machine is working quite well thank you and it's impact is felt in my home as I am sure in most of yours.  Impressionable young children, naive in this consumer society that we live in, only want to succumb to the latest trend that is all the craze or to own the latest toy or electronic item this season.

We think the time has come to begin an allowance so that some understanding that there is no money tree in our back yard can come into play.  They do not get most things that they want; other than what they receive for presents at holiday time and the once in a great blue moon when we just want to do something special for our two very good kiddos. The only way to really learn about money is to have it.  Now that they are in the first grade and their wants have gotten greater, we think the time has come to give them some money management tools to help them sort it out.  I learned a great deal about this when I parented Justin and I think I did well, as he is a good money manager.  His downfall though is the same as my own and that is electronic gadgets.  Back in the day there were not as many as there are now, but I did indulge myself in quite a few when my means were greater.  This is where the recession and the impact that it has had on our pocketbook may come in handy.  The children do not see us buying every new gadget on the market.  We simply cannot do that now....it's probably a very good thing.

I cannot for the life of me remember how much we gave Justin to start off but after doing some research online about this subject, it seems that a reasonable amount to begin with is one half of their age.  $3.00 for the 6 year old's seems like the right amount and we will ask them to contribute a bit towards Tzedakah (charity) each week to help them to learn to power of helping others in money and in deed.

I think that amount will also help them with a bit of delayed gratification, as it take a bit of time to save up for a "bigger or better" item at that rate.  I also like the idea of having it tied to assisting us with the purchase of other discretionary items such as refreshments at the movies or vacation souvenirs as examples.  Just a bit mind you but enough to understand that there really is no money fairy waving a wand to make all those things possible.

Also, we are not going to tie it to chores as we believe that the message that we want to continue to ingrain is that we all pitch in around the house as a family.  That is just what is expected and money is not going to be the reward for it.  If there is a much larger chore that we ask then there may be a reward for that, but it will not be the norm.  That is also a difference from the past for me.  Older and wiser I hope.

I hope that this combination helps them to make wise choices but I know that there will be some tweaking as we grow.  We just want to give them the best foot forward down this very treacherous road; one filled with so many glittery and desired items beckoning to them with their promise of momentary satisfaction and lots of long term pain in terms of repayment; over and over again on credit.

Been there...done that....want more for my children!

I am sure that you do too....

More adoption talk

Sometimes the unlikeliest places can become the backdrop to discussions about adoption.  I am always a bit caught off guard when it happens in strange settings like it did today in a fast food restaurant.

I was with a friend at a local MickeyD's with her two kiddos and the DD.  One of hers is also adopted but that was not what started the conversation; Kung Fu Panda did!  The sequels toys are in the happy meals and even though I do not usually go the happy meal route, I decided to give them something special today.  The toys began a discussion about China and then the following revelations came from Katie Starr....

Katie:  "What do Chinese eyes look like?"

Me:  "They are beautiful...just like yours."

Katie:  "What makes them Chinese?"

Me:  "Asian people which includes people from China in most cases have an extra fold of skin on their eyelids."

Katie:  "Why don't you have Chinese eyes?"

Me:  "Because I am not from China and you do because you are."

Katie:  "I want your eyes to look like mine." (She looked so sad and I y heart began to sink into my stomach)

Me:  "I would love to have eyes that are as beautiful as yours but remember...you were not in my tummy so we do not look alike."

Katie:  "I wish I was in your tummy."

Me:  "Me too baby but you were born in my heart and I am your mommy and will love you forever.  That is all that really matters.  We do not have to look like each other to be mommy and daughter."

She did not look very thrilled with my answers and the other kids seemed oblivious to this conversation amidst the din of the restaurant and their own conversation.  My friend then spoke and reaffirmed that we are all individuals that we all have differences but all of our differences are beautiful.

Yup, all of this in a MickyD's.  Lots of stuff going on all of the times in little their heads, whether we choose to see it or not.  If we choose not to, then they will eventually let us know what is weighing on them.

Probably could have used something a bit stronger than my usual Diet Coke after that conversation...

Five years on the way to forever!

It has been five years since that amazing day; May 14th, 2006, when our daughter was placed into our arms and lives forever.  She had lived in our hearts long before that....a dream soon to be realized.

It was mother's day, 2006.  We woke up VERY early in the morning in a hotel room in Beijing.  Marc, Justin and I were on our way to Lanzhou, Gansu Province to meet the newest addition to our family.  Justin had graduated from UF just days earlier and now this newest path, was being laid down before us.  We had spent three days in Beijing, taking in the sights and sounds as well as trying to acclimate ourselves to this very exotic locale and the huge time difference.   We had accomplished much of what we had set out to and we were eager to get started, so we packed, ate breakfast and waited to get the go ahead to board the bus with the several other families that would become our adoption family and head to the airport.

The flight itself was pretty routine, other than the crazy descent to the top of a mountain where the airport was located.  The butterflies in our tummies were outta control at the thought of the life changing moment that lay ahead.  As soon as we landed and disembarked, the reality of this day really hit all of us; most especially the new daddy to be.  We were walking through the terminal and he stopped for a moment and told us how excited and terrified he was.  I think it was less so for me because I was already an experienced parent.  I have so much empathy for what a first time parent goes through as they take on this massive life change in a completely foreign environment, away from home and loved ones and with a baby who is actively grieving the loss of the only life they have ever known.

We all collected ourselves and joined our group as we gathered our baggage and loaded the bus for the one hour drive through the Gansu desert on our way to the capitol city and our hotel.  We arrived at 2:15 pm and we were told to get to the local store quickly to purchase any last minute supplies that we may need for ourselves and our babies.  We had to be back to the hotel before 3:00 pm as that was when the babies were scheduled to arrive at the hotel.  We all walked/ran to our destination and back only to find that the babies were already there.  We entered the room and in a matter of a couple of minutes we spotted Katie Starr from afar.  She looked exhausted from the long ride and had a big bump on her forehead from falling just the day before.  We eventually found out that she was taking her first steps when she fell.

The next I remember, our names were called, passports and other indentification was compared to make sure our daughter was the one that we were matched with and BAM...she was placed in my arms and she fell asleep promptly.  I was quite worried about that because I new if she woke up in a strange place with people she did not know it would be very traumatic.  I was correct but that is another story for another day.

The experience was life altering and quite surreal.  Our emotions were off the charts!  For the next 5 days in Lanzhou and then 4 more in Guangzhou we bonded with each other, with the other families and we tended to a very sickly Katie Starr who became so sick by the end of the trip that we had to go to the hospital for treatment and clearance to take the day long trip to get home.  Parenthood started with a bang and the thrill ride continues.  Parenthood is a marathon and not a sprint.  We are head over heels for our children and wholeheartedly in it for everything that we are given; the great times, the bad times, the healthy times, the sick times and all the very ordinary times in between.  All of our children are a precious gift.  The gift of Katie is a rare one.  She is quite simply an amazing and radiant human being.  I am not bragging but just stating a fact when I state that I have never dealt with as pleasant a personality as one that is possessed by this child.  Her bonding in the beginning was a tricky and long road but boy oh boy is she a loving and attached child now.  She adores all of us and she and I share a beautiful mother-daughter bond that I am thankful for with my whole heart for every day of my life.  The last five years have been amazing and the only thing that I would change if I could, would be to take away the health issues that she struggles with.  I pray one day that she is able to grow out of some of them and that a cure or a viable treatment is found for her sight disease.

This day though is for celebrating and celebrate we have!  We have had two celebratory meals (food is always a part of every celebration in our family) and we have looked at pictures, videos and mementos of that trip and that amazing day.

Katie said something to me today that both amazed me and touched me to my very core.  She said, "Mommy, I love my forever day much more than my birthday...do you know why?"  "Why Katie", I inquired.  "Because my forever day was the day that I got my wonderful family who will be with me forever!"

Happy 5th anniversary precious Starr!  As we tell you every day...we love you to infinity and beyond and we WILL be there forever!

Are they REALLY brother and sister?

I was ranting a bit on facebook recently about this very question; one that I get more than you can imagine.  After blowing off a little steam about it and the many strangers that feel the need to inquire about matters that are none of their business, I began to think about my children's bond.

What makes Katie Starr and Ethan brother and sister?

Everything that makes children that share genetics brother and sister; except for the genetics. 

That is it!  They lack the same DNA and blood...big deal!

What they share is parents.  

They share a home.

They share a family.

They share their friends.

They share their toys...and I mean really share!

They share a bath tub.

They share a sense of humor...well, mostly Katie but Ethan is getting one as well.

They share a school; heck they even share a grade.

They used to share a room and wish they still did.

They share their imagination....with each other....constantly.

They share a desire to learn.

They share a birth country that is not shared with us...or many others in this country.

They share a religion.

They share the holidays.

They share a love and devotion to their parents, brother, sister-in law, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

They share so many things....

Mostly what they share is a deep and abiding love for each other; one that is truly like no other that I have ever seen between siblings.  There are days that the loyalty and devotion that I see between them brings tears to my eyes.  They are there for each other, have each others back and miss each other like crazy cakes when they are apart.

Simply put.........Katie Starr and Ethan REALLY are brother and sister!  

That was their destiny and it is our good fortune to be a part of it.

I need to get back in the saddle again

and start posting on this blog that is.  It has been way too long.  I post every night on my 365 Photography blog and it seems that my creativity is only extending to my photography these days.  The written word has taken a back seat and it is really not a good thing.  Marc has asked me to post on the blog again.  He loves that I am keeping this journal of our lives together and hated the idea of me letting it go to the way side.  He is right so here we go...

Here is a snapshot of life at "Stress" over the past few months......

Marc and I are moving in the right direction work wise. His business has picked way up again and I have a new position with a local University. I am the Clinic Support Coordinator of the audiology clinic. I am happy there. My supervisors provide a supportive work environment and the students that study and work there are wonderful. I finally have good health benefits and that is quite a relief; especially with the health concerns that Katie Starr has.

That brings me to the DD; Katie Starr and Ethan are doing really well in school. Katie has taken to Kindergarten like a duck to water and is already ready for first grade. Ethan has had to work a bit harder but for Ethan that is just the way he operates....working hard is no problem for him and he is really picking up the pace.

Katie's health concerns are still there. Her asthma has been quite troublesome and the winter season is quite stressful when it comes to asthma. I am so glad that summer is coming. As far as her eyesight, we have her next "all day" evaluation down at Bascolm Palmer Eye Institute on the 22nd of this month. I am praying for no decline but obviously will have to accept whatever comes and roll with the punches. Katie has brand new glasses and sun glasses that a wonderful friend (met through adoption) provided to us at no cost. I have the most amazing friends in the world and count my blessings every day.

I have accepted the responsibility of Vision Walk Chair for the 2011 Walk for the Foundation Fighting Blindness. We are setting off our first organizational kick off meeting and I hope we get the same kind of support that we received last year when we first received the heartbreaking news of Katie's eye issues. We raised a great deal of money and I hope to surpass that this coming year. I am ready to get the ball rolling.

Ethan is doing well but is experiencing some post trauma issues in the form of overly fixating on things; most especially food so we will again be entering him into play therapy. I just received a list of approved counselors from my insurance and my goal is to get him started next week. His emotional health is as important as his physical, which thankfully has posed no real concerns since his successful open heart surgery.

The *bigs* (J and J) are happily ensconced in their new home and jobs. Not too much to report other than Justin is gearing up for his bar exam this summer. Fingers crossed!

The big news is that I am turning the big *50* this month and Marc is throwing me a big party. I know nothing other than the date; not even where it is. I know one thing though...it will be memorable. Marc is such a thoughtful and loving husband. I feel very blessed to have him by my side as we navigate this roller coaster of a life.

I will finish off this post by sharing a picture of  us and the DD that I took a couple of months back. You can follow my 365 (Photo every day for a year) project) here and I promise to be back more frequently from here on in. This was my first blog baby and I don't want to neglect her again.

Five Years since we saw her face for the very first time!

I documented the fifth anniversary of referral day on my photography blog this year.  You can view it HERE!

Katie's face and story will make a difference!

Katie Starr is the 2011 face of the Foundation Fighting Blindness. Her image and story are on all of their membership materials. This was the letter from me that was enclosed with the membership package. If you would like to become a member of the Foundation Fighting Blindness and make a tax deductible contribution that will help aid the research towards treatment and possibly a cure for hereditary blindness, please go to Katie Starr's link. Every dollar counts....more than you will ever know!  

Thank you,  The Katie Starr Team

Xin Nian Kuai Le!!

Our DD are very proud to be Chinese American and were thrilled to be able to share their culture with their teachers and school mates today. 

We are so proud of them.

Our family wishes you a Happy Year of the Rabbit....a very very lucky year!

Pain Uncovered

Tonight Katie was reading a book to Ethan and I about a little boy who had the Chicken Pox.  As the story unfolded, Ethan began to ask me questions about what Chicken Pox are and how do you get them.  Ethan has always been a probing questioner and I thought that this was just the beginning of the usual barrage of questions that are precipitated by some new concept.  I was wrong.  This question would lead us down a path of discussion that I did not anticipate.

I began to answer his questions about Chicken Pox as soon as the story was done.  I explained what they were and I also told him that he had them when he was still in China.  The thought of this seemed to really upset him; much more than I knew at the time.  He got very quiet which is quite unlike him and then about a minute later he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.  I asked him what was wrong; why was he so sad?  I could see that he was doing everything in his power to hold the tears back and so I told him that if he was sad that he could tell me what was upsetting him.  He began to cry very hard and told me that he was sad and scared when he was in China and was sick with the Chicken Pox.  He kept asking why he got them there and where were we?!?  I tried to explain in the simplest of terms that we wanted to be there so badly but that we were waiting on permission from the officials in China to come and adopt him.  He kept re[eating over and over about about how he was so scared he was when he was sick and that why did those people in China not let us come to get him quicker.....it totally broke my heart.  I just held him close and told affirmed that of course he was scared but that he need never be scared again, as he would always have him family around him when he was sick forever and ever.

I know in my heart that this deeply buried memory was really of when he was in the hospital with no one by his side for well over a month for his open heart surgery.  How much pain did he endure without so much as a loving touch?  How may days did he wake up in pain with no one to tell him that it was all going to be OK and be by his side?  He does not consciously remember this but his psyche sure does and that experience lives inside him and impacts how he deals with the world on a daily basis.  He has many coping mechanisms that he exercises each day and that we are trying to help him resolve.

We started him in play therapy about 2 months ago and took a break due to finances but now that my new insurance has kicked in we are going to be starting again.  I know there are so many feelings that our little guy needs to work through but I am grateful that he felt safe enough with me tonight to begin to release the pain.

Closing Day!

My kids have just closed on their first home.

I had the good fortune to be not only the Realtor who facilitated the purchase of the home but also the photographer at the closing table.

There are lots of great deals out there but getting them closed is much more of challenge than ever. 

Thankfully, good things come to those who wait and are patient.

My belief is that life hands you sweet moments; moments that are pure joy!

I am thankful that I was a part of their joy today.

I think that my son looks very "lawyerly" here!

Congratulations to Justin and Judy.  May your life be filled with many joyful moments!

PS  A special thank you to my dear friend Kira who was the closer on this transaction.  She was amazing! 

Daddy's Boy

A Cautionary Tale

Tonight, Marc was bathing the children while I was out at a meeting.  Marc always lets the DD play for awhile and then gets down to bathing them.  When he finishes cleaning them off and begins to let the water drain, they always enjoy their last few minutes in the water....Katie loves to lay her head back and pretend to float in the shallow water. 

Tonight's bathing episode ended on a much different note than any in the past.  As Katie laid back, her hair floated down into the drain and before Marc knew it, her long hair began to weave around the metal on the inside of the drain and became caught.  Marc tried to free her and the hair began winding and tangling more and more while pulling her hair and head down.  Thankfully, he handled it well and was able to get it all untangled and free her.  It took more than a couple of minutes to do that though and a great deal of patience.

On the surface, you may think that the biggest concern here was her hair and possibly losing several inches of it, as at one point Marc thought he may have to cut most of it off in order to free her!  It is much more serious than that.  If he had walked away to get a phone call or to do anything else, she may have been drawn down beneath the waters surface with no way to free herself and possibly could have drowned.

That is why I am sharing this.  Please...anytime there is water involved....do not leave your children alone.  A minute may be the difference between life and death.  Tonight was proof positive of that fact!

I am back

Happy New Year! I have taken a bit of a break; mostly because I was pretty burnt and the last thing that you need to do when you are burnt is just one more thing. That "one more thing" among others was blogging.

I now need to get back into my normal rhythm; which includes blogging. I have always loved my blog...it has been such an outlet for me. My photography is also a creative outlet for me. I decided to do a 365 Blog and post a pic each day beginning today. You can find my photography blog here.

Quick update;

I have a new job.

The DD are doing well. Our holiday season was wonderful and they are doing well in school.

The bigs (Justin and Judy) are in the process of purchasing their first home with my help as a real estate agent.

Katie's eyesight is stable at this time. Our Vision Walk was a major success. We raised more money than any South Florida Team has ever raised. Over $13,000.00 and still counting!! The Foundation was blown away by our success but really, who would not want to help a 5 year old little girl who is losing her eyesight?  They have now asked us to allow Katie to be the face of their national membership fundraising campaign for 2011. We are so proud that our amazing little girl will help the Foundation Fighting Blindness to raise awareness and money so that treatments and/or a cure can be found.

2010 was a very stressful and difficult year in for our family.  Not just because of Katie's diagnosis but for many other reasons, most of which are financial.  So many of us are in the same boat, so I know that you get it!

I will write more soon about her and this journey we are on with her but in the meantime I am here to report that we are taking it a day at a time and we know that we will deal with all of this together as a family. That is all that matters.

May 2011 be good to all of us.  I am going to take matters in my own hands and try hard to make it so.  I am going to pursue my passions more frequently and  I am going to be better to my body, mind and soul.

Thank you for continuing to follow along.  It means more than you will ever know......

Holiday Card 2010

Polka Dot Snowflakes Christmas

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Happy 3 Years Ethan!

It has been three years since we adopted our sweet mischief man in China. On October 29th, 2007, we entered the JiangXi Civil Affairs Office and were shocked to find a very fragile, weak and quite delayed little guy waiting for us. He was so afraid and we were very afraid as well. Somehow and someway, day by day, we were able to help our little guy get healthy and strong. We were able to give him the tools to transform into the amazing little boy who has completed our family. As much as we gave to Ethan, he gave us so much more. He gave us a stronger will, courage to face the unknown and the gift of watching one of the strongest and most resilient children that we have every known. He has beaten the odds and he continues to surprise us daily with every new milestone reached.

There are still remnants of the damage that was done to his psyche through his neglect in China but we can see that he feels very loved and mostly secure that we will always be there for him...always and forever. We pray that someday it all falls away but even if it does not, we do know that his future is very bright!

Happy 3 years Ethan Frederick Zhiqing! We love you with every fiber of our being; just as we do your sister and brother.

Always and Forever,
Mom and Dad

Trying to be strong for our daughter

Tonight I was reading to the Dynamic Duo before bed. The book that I was reading to them was one that Katie could definitely help me with since her reading is really coming along. I asked her to read a couple of sentences and she strained to see the page. She put her face all the way up to the page so that she could see and she was struggling big time! I asked her whether she could see and she became defensive and she said that she could see it. She definitely could not see it without being on top of it. I had to try my level best not to cry....I saved my tears until after she went to bed. I then had a big time boo hoo session. I needed it.

As I was brushing her teeth I told her that sometimes when people have a hard time seeing words on a page that they could learn an alphabet that they can feel with their fingers and they can read books that way. She asked me what it was called and I told her it was called braille. I asked her if she would like to learn braille and she told me that she would...it sounded cool. I better take note of my daughter's positive outlook pretty quickly because all I could think at that time was that we were teaching her how to read the written word but that she may not be able to do so for very long.

I pray that this Friday when I take her to see the specialist down at Bascolm Palmer Eye Institute, that they are able to prescribe new lenses that will give her a greater field of vision for now and that they can do so for a long time.

I know that there are worse things and that it will someday be our new normal but I hate this. I hate it more than I can ever express.

The Ironies of Life

I had a memory come back to me last night in the midst of a fitful sleep.....

About four years ago, just after we made our decision to adopt again, we further decided to walk down the path of a special needs adoption. There was a lot to consider, not least of which was the existing family and responsibilities that were already on our plate but also, what did we think that WE as a couple could actually handle. After lots of soul searching, Marc and I came up with a "list" of the needs that we deemed to be "right" for us.



Within a couple of weeks of the search for our next child, our dear friend Mary saw a child on her agency special needs list that called out our name as potential parents. It was a baby boy from the exact same place that Katie is from; Wuwei, Gansu. He was such a beautiful child and the words underneath his name on their website gave a vague description of a special need. If I remember correctly, it was "uneven iris's." I remember being shocked that with such a benign description that this child was still available. The most minor of special needs always go very quickly. I quickly wrote to the agency to inquire about the boy. I was told that the description given by China was quite vague and even had conflicting facts so that we should proceed with caution when reviewing the file. We were the first email of several that they had received overnight that were interested in this child. They would allow us to review the files with our doctors but there were no promises.

We took the file to not only our pediatrician but to a Pediatric Ophthalmologist that my mother was employed by for many years. After so many years he seemed more like a family friend than a doctor. As such, he told us that the information provided was too vague to make a determination on his condition. He asked us to request more info if we could. We followed his instructions and asked the agency to make the inquiry, which they did. A new examination was then performed in China and the results of the exam were laid out for us in typical China fashion...again conflicting but this time with enough facts for us to come to a decision....

Our doctor informed us that with the type of condition that this baby boy had he would indeed by blind very quickly, if he was not already. In addition, the type of eye issue he had would likely be paired with another medical syndrome of some type. Marc and I were so upset to hear those words. We wanted the words to be untrue to make our decision an easy one. We so wanted to adopt this little boy from Wuwei. It would have been so sweet to have two children from the exact same place. We agonized quite a bit over the file for the next couple of days. Could we handle such a special need? Would it be fair to Katie and to our family as a whole? Did we have the financial resources necessary. The final answer to all of the those questions was a sad....no. He was not our child. I sadly relayed that info to the agency including all of the feedback from the doctor.

The only consolation for us was that the family in line right behind us was already parenting a child with a similar special need and was interested in parenting this child. They asked the agency if they could speak to me in order to get more info on the feedback that our Doctor had given to us. The mom and I spoke several times and the last time that we spoke she was seriously considering adopting him but I will never know for sure. I never heard from her again. His picture never reappeared on the list though, so in our hearts we believe he was adopted.

I am a huge believer in fate and I totally believe that he was not meant to be our son and of course as it turns out Ethan was meant very much meant to be. Anyone that has seen our two youngest children together can tell you that they truly were "Beshert" the Hebrew word for meant to be.

The irony of it all still is quite startling. That same doctor who is a family friend was the first to detect Katie's condition and refer us to a specialist. He had to be part of giving us this sad news again. Thankfully he is a friend and he and his assistant Shannon are totally there for us!

What we believed that we could not handle has been handed to us again. The condition that Katie has may be linked with a syndrome and other medical maladies may follow. This will be determined when the DNA test shows us the bad gene that has caused this.

We not only have been handed this again, but thankfully we know that in our hearts that we not only CAN handle it...we WILL.

Friends Helping Friends

I have had so many friends reach out to help fund raise in addition to other kind offers. Thank you to each and every one of you. Right now there are two opportunities to help by purchasing items.

The first is made possible by my friend Heather. Heather is an adoption friend with two beautiful daughters. She and I met online back in 2005 while we waited for her Abigail (Abba) and my Katie Starr. As you know Katie is from the city of Wuwei in Gansu Province China. Heather's second child, who she adopted a couple of years later is Kaylyn, who is also from Wuwei! Believe me when I tell you that this is not at all common. Gansu province is one of the rarest places in China to adopt from and Wuwei is even rarer. Our Wuwei girls have drawn these two Panda sisters even closer :)

Heather has decided to auction many gently used (with love) items that were both handmade and store bought to benefit the Foundation Fighting Blindness. What a beautiful effort and we are so very grateful. The auction ends October 12th and you can check it out here. Thank you Heather!

The other shopping opportunity is made possible by my dear friend Minouche. Minouche is also a friend that was made through the adoption world. We are a part of the same FCC group and we have grown to be close and trusted friends. She is such a supportive person and so it came as no surprise to me when she decided to donate 10% of the proceeds of some of her clothing line from her Online Etsy Shop, Yaya Kids Couture to the Foundation Fighting Blindness. Yaya is the pet name of her beautiful daughter, who our family loves very much.

She has a back to school clothing line as well as a Hanukkah line. Here is her Facebook Page, where you can purchase the clothing on sale this week. If you are not on facebook, then just email her though her Etsy site and she will give you the promotional price and will make the donation to the foundation. Thank you Minouche!

Here is Katie modeling one of Minouche's beautiful creations. You can be sure that she will be wearing this beauty this holiday season :)


The friends that I have made through the adoption world, both in person and online are very treasured. They have proven their friendship time and again. I know that they are all in this with us for the long haul.....until a cure is found.

Taking Baby Steps

That is how we are approaching how we communicate to Katie about her eye condition. I have consulted with a therapist that specializes in children and she has proved to be a valuable resource for us. Slow and steady will win the race.

It will be much like the adoption conversation; give bits of info and wait for further questioning. Only give her what she asks for and above all, do not answer any questions that we are not able to answer pretty quickly. Our answer to questions like those should be, "I really want to think about what you have asked me before I answer you...Let me go ahead and do that and then we will talk about it further. I promise I will give you the answer soon." Of course, we will answer the question as quickly as possible and when we are fully prepared to do so.

Our fear is that someone will spill the beans to her in a totally inappropriate way but the counselor make me realize that the odds of this are quite small considering she is very young and she is supervised by us most of the time outside of school. There is no real reason to give her the whole story now and terrify her unnecessarily. She is only 5 years old and is too young to be able to process this information properly. If this was going to happen overnight, then yes, we would need to prepare her immediately. As far as we know, Katie's eyesight will wane away slowly, giving us a great deal of time to prepare her.

The first bit of communication will be about the Vision Walk that we are participating in on 10/23. There will be a team of people and she will want to know why they are all there and of course since we are "The Katie Starr Team," it will quite obviously be about her. With the therapist's direction, we have decided to tell her the truth in a dose that she can digest. We will tell her that we are walking and collecting money to aid researchers to help people like her that have weak eyesight. We are hoping that the research scientists can find a cure so that her eyes and many other peoples eyes can be stronger. She knows that he eyes are weak so that is perfect.

In one of our sessions the therapist met Katie and was quite taken with her intelligence and openness. After interacting with her she assured me that if handled properly, Katie Starr will be able to cope with it and thrive despite it. I believe in my heart that she is right.

Another good piece of advice that she gave me was to try to enhance her other senses so that she can compensate as her sight weakens. Also to draw Ethan into it as well so that she does not feel singled out and of course him feel left out. We need to ask them to give us feedback on taste, smells, sounds etc. in order that they are challenging those senses. We will train them to more fully experience what is presented to us...not just "see" with our eyes. We can "see" with our ears, nose, mouth and touch. She has given me several exercises to do in order to accomplish this.

I feel that we are taking positive steps. Our next step is to meet with another specialist in a couple of weeks to get a better idea about timelines and things we can do in the interim to help her preserve her sight as long as possible.

Baby steps are doable. It was that slow old tortoise that won the race against the speedy hare. Taking it slowly will help us to prevail in the end as well.

We are surrounded by love

I cannot explain to all of you how it feels to have so many friends and family buoy us up, support our cause to fund the research for a cure and make so many amazing offers to our daughter and our family. Quite simply, it is humbling.

We have had offers from friends to come for a visit to beautiful places all over the globe so that Katie can see brand new vistas that will sear into her mind's eye.

We have had friends do fund raising in their places of business for The Foundation Fighting Blindness in honor of Katie Starr.

We have a friend who owns two optometric locations where glasses are sold, offer to give Katie her first pair of prescription sunglasses as a gift and to allow us to purchase subsequent prescriptions to her lenses at their cost.

We have had one auction run for us by a woman who makes handmade children's clothing and now another friend is going to run her own online auction to benefit the foundation.

The Foundation has received donations from friends and strangers. Every single dollar of it shines brightly because of the love of a precious girl. One woman completely took me off balance today with a sizable donation paired with a message that she has been following my blog since the beginning and wanted to help out. What a tribute to our girl!

We have received invaluable information from many people and connections with other people that will prove very important to have in the future.

Our temple even made a decision, without our knowledge, to donate all of the money that they receive for Tzedakah from the preschool and religious school children for the entire school year and donate it to Foundation fighting Blindness in honor of our Starr.

Finally, I have asked over and over via facebook and the blog for help in getting the word out and each time dozens of our friends have answered the call to continue to spread the word; even at the risk of losing friendships from all of the messages. I have asked friends to blog about it and they have happily complied! Many friends are even walking with us and that means so much to us. We are truly soldiers fighting a war against time and I know that we can win it.

There are even more beautiful stories, these are just a sampling. We are completely overwhelmed!!

After this walk is over on October 23rd, I have even bigger plans for the next go round. The next event will be exciting, fun, memorable and it will bring us even closer to a cure.

Thank you all so much...I can never say it enough times and someday our daughter will not only know how many lives that she has touched but will also see how many have touched hers. My prayer is that she be able to look you all in the eye and see your beautiful faces when she thanks you. We are doing everything in our power to ensure that it happens!